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Thread: Last Night

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Last Night

    Last Night
    By: Cry




    Last night, I had a thirst...
    the club scene was live, and I taxed the urge
    I lacked reverse, there was no going back
    but I've rehersed and she won't be knowing that
    I had a glowing plan, that never seems to fail
    so soft bred that it'd never be too stale
    she drinks the loose ale, and I'd loosened it
    stared at the string in her tail, hands not losing grip
    as her drunk looks got me perusing quick signals
    her eyes took like the roofs of slit igloos
    white color, no pupils... she had me thirsting
    and after the dancing and happy swerving
    she gave a kiss that'd be worthy of any love
    left me for a minute, handing out many hugs
    to men of any strut... but then she came back
    her bra showed onto one of my feats, a great lap!
    I smiled and swayed straps, it seemed I craved for roose
    but then I took her, like hotels were made for booze.


    Last night, I had a thirst...
    gave a special goodbye to the wife, that's first
    go out for a drink and dance, then come back to her
    that's just the works of a trusting romance
    not all that club jargon and crushing gonads
    but tonight it was low class, club was full of teens
    that gave out cash so fast just for bull ID's
    only 32 feelin' old as I breathe, and this chick came up
    danced all on me with hugs, then left in a swayed strut
    she was offbeat, I couldn't say what her issue was
    but the man she left for gave her a rippled touch
    she melted how a cripple does when he's laughed at
    something deep inside me wanted her to lash back
    he played with her straps and... handed me a smile
    got up and stretched - like the man would be a while
    he slid a vile hand in hers, he had guile in his plans
    indeed he was cunning, but I wanted to hit the man -
    with this hand I called a rock...
    so I followed him to a hotel, as we crawled the block.


    Last night, he rode on hill and horse...
    but he'd never climb it, my plans were still on course
    though ill on force, I still lost his eyes from me
    only to support he was a good guy for nothing
    time for some roughing... we entered my room
    in a broke down hotel that she was clever to choose!


    Last night, inside that hotel...
    it had a brokedown lobby, with no guys and no bells
    a place that, despite its own hell, people did reside in
    it was a home that poor lives confide in...
    but I tried to deny this, as I was getting off track
    all my steps up the stairs made steady soft cracks
    and by an odd chance, at the next floor I froze
    when I saw the remaining sliver of a room door close
    and so I listened more close... I heard the girl speak
    and I thought I heard a smack across the girl's cheek
    my world peaked... adrenaline high as never before
    my foot had become a blade and it severed the door
    I was clever but torn, because like I said he was cunning
    better yet, he was STUNNING...
    and she was jumping as she smiled on the bed
    "hah! weee got youuu..." she riled off and said
    her face wasn't red, and he was no where in sight
    and when I turned to look for him, my neck bared his knife.


    she prepared the guy, it was all just the plan
    my darling wife always trusts in her man...
    never crushing her demand, I watched as she smiled
    the man walks in, and my knife makes him bleed while -
    she screams with such joy...
    as if these men were just toys
    it's not a rough choice, I please my wife/she pleases me
    the concept is easy, and I love these sleezy treats
    I love being me! nothing like that drunk sex
    maybe someday we'll take up love next
    it's a tough hex, but we deal with the facts right
    and we dwell on the killings of tomorrow instead of last nights.




    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...an-362223.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-362088.html
    Last edited by Cody Nash; March 3rd, 2008 at 04:05 AM

  2. #2
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    What.... The.... Fuck.... Ing Hell

  3. #3
    Is honestly...speaking
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    Re: Last Night

    yeah...feed's horrible isn't it...a few peeps owe me some...come in and feed elsewhere then bounce...enough to piss anyone off. Anyway, this piece was a bit weird and it sucks that you wrote it for a no show as im sure that pissed you off. The positives of it all were the flow and the vocab...the negative of it was that the imagery was a bit scetchy as i sometimes found myself wondering what was going on and had to re-read certain parts...everything else was cool, vocab was on point, and you carried the story through to the end

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ws-362400.html

    ^hittith^
    Writeobots...roll out

  4. #4
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Last Night

    Well, there was a Derailed type twist in the end. Pretty creative storyline man. Deffinently my favorite from you ever. I really thought you brought a Open Mic and made it seem more like a movie man. Nice job. Your imagery, obiviously by the comment I just made... was very powerful and vivid. Drew very strong desciptives man. Your emotion was pretty frightening and solid. Wording was nice. And the flow came off very well. Keep it up, nom'd.

  5. #5
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Last Night

    PS: Hit up 'It's Just my Shroud'. In return.

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    bump. leave links...


    I'll hit that later...

  7. #7
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    this was enjoyable as usual coming from you. It captured the imagination and
    was pretty consistant throught out. Wording en flow was on point too. Great concerpts and i liked the ending part

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    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


    [soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]

  8. #8
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    thanks.

  9. #9

    Re: Last Night

    Awe sweet fukin drop i like twisted shit like this....creativity definatly there..and good use of vocab my freind..was cautious of the length but to my suprise it didnt fall of hard enough at anypoint to loose the grasp of my attention ya know...good read nothing i could really find to critisize so job well done...One!!!

  10. #10
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night


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    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


    [soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]

  11. #11
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    hit that later... bump.

  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    Hmm...wier dfor sure, but that's what made it interesting, I liked the vividness of many parts of this piece, it no only grapsed me but was like a fluid motion picture or somthing as I could see snatches of your piece clearly in my mind. Technically, it was sound, though did notice one or 2 parts which seemed to miss a word or two. However, this didn't really take much from the piece, as overall the piece was not only intresting but fluid and easy to read. Good work man, slight tweaks here and there and this could have been great. Good nonetheless and obviously above average. Better than many piece out now as well, keep at it man.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  13. #13
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    spank you.

  14. #14
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


    [soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]

  15. #15
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Last Night

    fed.

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