Yearning to tell

[Infamousfelonies]

Yearning to tell
I often feel as though this is my sentence to hell
The weight of the entire solar system rests upon my mere shoulders
The demoralizing words of others
crushing every centimeter of my once strong spirit with the authority of massive boulders
Easily written off are the unsolicited judgments of society
However, inescapable is self-judgment and its harsh reality
When my greatest gifts aren’t enough
and when it’s impossible to remain tough
the beating only gets stronger
and my cries seem to last longer
created as God wanted me to be
constantly I ask “why me?”
was my life not spared when God sent his son as the ultimate sacrifice?
or does salvation not exist for those who, like me, have some type of vice?
Yearning to tell
I often feel as though this is my sentence to hell
I can’t help but feel like a fraud
As if my life is nothing but a façade
I’m not searching for acceptance
Nor do I care for your self-righteous guidance
The right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are the cornerstones of our nation’s being
A being that I am just as privileged as you to enjoy
But because I am different it is the mission of most to identify and destroy
All of what makes me different you see
All of what makes me, ME
Yearning to tell
I often feel as though this is my sentence to hell


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-v-362465.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ks-362006.html

[Infamousfelonies]

upping............................................ .................................................. .......

[Notebook.]

Yeah.. this had some cool content, but.. the smoothness of the piece wasn't there at aaaall. Like, the flow of it. Too many syllables and shit. Just shorten it up, my dude. Shorten up the syllables, and gain a constant scheme with your words.. and you'll be good..good vocab and content, though.

`1

[TimB0]

gotta agree wit alot that notebook says
contents good but the flow and the length
you need to work on

[Infamousfelonies]

uppin

[Vincent Maestro]

to me this came off as more of a poem or some kind of spoken word piece.
sometimes when a writer picks up the pen he wants to rhyme how he eould in a speaking voice.
I kinda guess thats what you were doing here....so I have no beef with the lenght or flow....this was less of a rhythm piece in my opinion.

I liked this and where the story was going but I feel you coulda elaborated on your subject just a tad bit more.....nice writing and peace.

Favorite lines were as follows:

A being that I am just as privileged as you to enjoy
But because I am different it is the mission of most to identify and destroy
All of what makes me different you see
All of what makes me, ME
Yearning to tell
I often feel as though this is my sentence to hell

for some reason those lines stood out to me more than any others.
pz outt.