Then- Then Again- The End

[P. Mortuus]

Peering into appearing shadows shrouded in steam
so sagacious it seems my iris belies this scene
replied to this being, asking for guidance- I preened
myself clean- shaking off mud I leaned closer- a sheen
conflicted my sight with what lies ahead after demise

Then

casket & lies- from relatives & wives- personal guides
with personal agendas noted in the best ink & mentions
of me as a friend, father and family man mean pretentions
lessen their pain or is the material gain gained by slain
individuals leaving false wills to weak willed lawyers a pain
when alive- when dead a mockery mocking so astute
At concocting tributes- “a pied piper for kids who’d loot
my sadness & replace it with happiness” my wife blocking
mental images of fissions of flesh, bleeding vision of death
Forcing her to less positions then coercing her in meth
peerless in my conquest of abominating the wedlock tension
I died and left possessions to a lesser with no moral lessons

Then he changed to mend

Sitting in a smoke filled room
mirrors on the walls, a drifting gloom
chaperoned by champagne my cohorts
standing in the cool air of the wind for
they bought me bad news- my soldier
gone- he checked out of older Babylon

Then another comes

colder clouds- bolder with lighting- a song
once again erupted into a dance
as returned another man in trance
glancing past everglades walking he evades
unknown roots but tires & calls it a day
asks the doorman to take his luggage away
as he strays & stays his blinding cornea
missing the signs of 666 Hotel California

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-359766.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post6193767

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-359831.html
first off^ a little piece of heaven.





this was pretty dope. straight up piece... a bit random and jumbled to me, took me a minute to even understand what it was trying to say but I think I got it. the flow was on point, seemed like something of a quick thought that you needed to express more than a piece of yours though. It's pretty good though. you've got some pretty badass lines in here too, I'm not going to quote them though because I've gotta get going. lol... but shit was good... stay up.



- Nash

[P. Mortuus]

thanks, checked linkage.

[Pacino]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-360074.html
Onslaught and I would be much apprecitative.


This is Hall of Fame. Straight up, the wording was really nice and felt that you new exactly where to place it. The flow was wonderful, didn't jump anywhere besides where it should've been. And rolled right off of my tongue. I even read it with a beat. Came out really cool. The imagery was beautiful, you painted your descriptives and vividness very well. The emotion was strong, felt exactly where you could've been coming from with this piece. The end was really cool, and you led it perfectly to that spot. All in all, great piece. Keep writing. Nominated.