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Thread: Rebel With A Cause

  1. #1
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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    Rebel With A Cause

    Rebel With A Cause



    ...He's living in a Cinderella home
    His step father hit em in the nose
    They getting in his way, in his space, they ain't giving him a zone
    and he figured if he did it he'd be living on his own
    So he packed up one night and headed for the door
    before he jeted he left them a little note
    It said mama I'm sorry and I love you but I really gotta go
    I'll see you when I see you on the road
    So...confused but so driven to prove
    So...in tune I won't listen to you
    I'll go my own
    By the time you read this you'll already know I'm gone
    and when I get where I'm going I'll call you somewhere on the go
    ...I'm a rebel, I'm never gonna settle
    I will...listen to rap the devil, and heavy metal
    I will...lead the revolution of angry teenagers
    Alter the pages of history there's gonna be some changes

    Hook
    And I, know hurting but I'm just tryna
    make it on my own I'm sorry mama
    I gotta make a move but I promise I'ma
    call you on the road when I find my calling
    I know that you want me to stay, your baby's going away
    Don't know when I'ma be back, there's no more that I can say
    To show you that I'll be fine you ain't gotta worry your head
    Take care of things while I'm gone, I'm a rebel with a cause

    ...It's no surprise that he couldn't find an apartment
    Nobody wants a tenant under aged without a job and
    runaway teenagers is something that you see often
    And so he put his foot to the peddle let's get it started
    I'll start at the bottom they got me flipping these burgers
    but the fire inside of me got me lit with this burner
    I'll secure me a pad
    Save a little money up that's why I'm working my ass
    off to purchase an amp
    A couple mics and sound system the speakers the band instruments
    I'ma stay low, until I get off the ground
    this is my only way out, so I'll just stick to the plan
    Don't need it I don't need much for me I'll live like a man
    And so he worked his way up, although it doesn't pay much
    He's just low level assemble they just do what they must
    Until the day he can quit and say that he's taken enough
    He's a rebel on the collision with greatness I'ma make it

    Hook
    And I know hurting but I'm just tryna
    make it on my own I'm sorry mama
    I gotta make a move but I promise I'ma
    call you on the road when I find my calling
    I know that you want me to stay, your baby's going away
    Don't know when I'ma be back, there's no more that I can say
    To show you that I'll be fine you ain't gotta worry your head
    Take care of things while I'm gone, I'm a rebel with a cause

    Now that all I gotta do is make em understand
    Then separate the jealous from the fans
    I see it already, yea bring it I"m ready
    The balls dropped I'm surrounded by ambiance and confetti
    First show on the road, living la vida loc
    ...They know my name and they scream cus they want me to know
    They love me even more
    ...Look at me now mama I'm star
    I got money I got vehicles and an entourage
    While everybody else was hating I was on the ball
    They had their 5 minutes of fame it's like they're falling off
    Now I can take this over seas with me and party hard
    I'm laughing straight to the bank with this like hardy har
    Who knew I one day would stand in the lime
    Instead of passing the time
    doing what everyone wanted I was determined to rhyme
    I set my goals and I was focused on just working to mine
    And all the sweat and tears was worth it I'm signed

    Hook
    And I know hurting but I'm just tryna
    make it on my own I'm sorry mama
    I gotta make a move but I promise I'ma
    call you on the road when I find my calling
    I know that you want me to stay, your baby's going away
    Don't know when I'ma be back, there's no more that I can say
    To show you that I'll be fine you ain't gotta worry your head
    Take care of things while I'm gone, I'm a rebel with a cause
    Last edited by Sugar Kane; January 20th, 2008 at 03:03 PM
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  2. #2
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Re: Rebel With A Cause

    a lot of this diddnt seem to flow on point
    the hook is way too long for a hook, its more likea verse

    format was nice.vocab was too repetitive and limited, like you used the words I i'm i'll a whole lot of times and in most lines, i diddnt like that much
    the content diddnt really draw me in or interest me much at all

    i thought these were your best lines which flowed good--

    It's no surprise that he couldn't find an apartment
    Nobody wants a tenant under aged without a job and
    runaway teenagers is something that you see often

    I mean if you could of based the story around those lines and kept to that quality for most of the verse then you could of done dope
    and once again, that is Not a hook you got there, sure diddnt hook me

    yu worded the piece pretty well and shaped it nicely, so you showed some skills and lacked in other departments

    keep doing ur thang tho

    pz1
    .................................................. ......................

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