It grabs me...

[Jon]

It grabs me...

Taste of haste -
longing for a tongue full,
of soul warming liquid.
Riptides rushing,
pushing the clouds down,
until my vision's foggy.
When I wake up,
I'm dizzy and groggy;
sadly, I call up my friend,
wanting my friends.
They're fiends to life,
not a chance that he'll -
exceed my price.
Listening to music,
my 'groove', I'll tune it,
turn it to my favorite,
'I feel like dying'.
In a way I can relate,
but its late -
I need to drown in my lake.
Fizz is business,
my bladder's too full
cups won't fill this.
Pain is medication's failure,
so for now,
I'll puff puff pass as I feel less.
Once a memory and once a habbit,
it grabs me, day by day..
I don't care though,
just give me a bottle,
a joint -
and tomorrow give me my grave.

Sincerely -
Jonathon

[Dayvid Aimz]

niceness littered throughout....I liked how this piece flowed...real nice rhythm in this one.

sadly, I call up my friend,
wanting my friends.
They're fiends to life,
not a chance that he'll -
exceed my price.
Listening to music,
my 'groove', I'll tune it,
turn it to my favorite,
'I feel like dying'.
In a way I can relate,

You were talking bout that song by Lil' Wayne right???...if so...thats wild how you did that....that song had a really poetic feel to it.
Sometimes your style is real off-the-wall...but this piece was real structured and like I said the rhythm to it is dope.

pz

[Pacino]

Hall of fucking fame dude. Loved it!

The wordplay was just fucking fluent and precious. Honestly dude, they carried such a nice flow alongside the ill rhymescheme you used. Came out of my mouth like some ILL rap song by atmosphere or someshit. The imagery was brilliant, loved how you compared friends to fiends and tv to life comparisons. Really edged out beautifuly man. The emotion was cool, and the concept was really original. Creative, keep writing. Hit up "Lock The Door" for me please.

[Ink Poyzin]

Dope piece, man.. Alot of emotion..
Everything seemed to be on point..
Good vocab.. Like Fractured said..
Your imagery was brilliant.. Nice rhyme
scheme... And it flowed well.. Some
real creative shit, dude..

Lil Waynes "I feel Like Dying"
ILL song.. very poetic.. but strong
One of my favorites, too..

Good job, man.. Maybe I'll nominate this..
Keep writin'.. You got skills..

[Jon]

thanks for feed.

uppin for more

[Jon]

uupidddy duppadittty

[Jon]

maybe another one?