We're Real People

[Dayvid Aimz]

We're real people that battle addictions and gossip at work
then wake up early to hear the gospel at church
hang out on Saturday nights and have alcoholic blackouts
get trapped in 9-to-5's and yearn for a way back out
hit eject, back out get your soul back now...just
Another obstacle put in front of the black child
even if we "Pretend"...like dave grohl's Foo fighters
we can't quit smoking buying more tobacco and firelighters
call the firefighters knock tops off the Hydrants
this topic is burning with urgency its a 911 emergency
commonplace to you but completely Absurd to me
I'm running numbers and quick scams get off my dick, man
pulling in Victims quicker than any Quicksands
I could get grands to be quirky and blurt bizarre quotes
to the relapsing lung....I'ma thick cigar Smoke
Y'all hope to catch me slipping misguided
I'm the terminal mole dispatched to Spread the virus
3rd wheel in your triumvirate but hey....I like it
Intrigue and prestige can be so Damned exciting
We want our cake and to eat it too...cherry on top with icing
getting high on life but WE'RE STILL REAL PEOPLE.






http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...it-357948.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-357237.html

[Ntalek]

Overall I didn't think you went about the topic in the right way..it was kinda like you didn't touch on the fake sense of human life..to make me as a reader doubt that we are real people..you get me? though you had some aiight content it just wasn't taken into the depths it could've been..I've read many pieces like this...and didn't really see and originating takes or approach's..kinda like the same ol same ol...for a newb..at least this shows that you have some potential and if you keep writing you'll get better...overall cool read...keep writing.

[Dayvid Aimz]

Overall I didn't think you went about the topic in the right way..it was kinda like you didn't touch on the fake sense of human life..to make me as a reader doubt that we are real people..you get me? though you had some aiight content it just wasn't taken into the depths it could've been..I've read many pieces like this...and didn't really see and originating takes or approach's..kinda like the same ol same ol...for a newb..at least this shows that you have some potential and if you keep writing you'll get better...overall cool read...keep writing.

I really respect your opinion and I now that you said it.....I should've really had that antithesis in the piece......showing heads what i percieve to be a "Fake person"........maybe I'll go back and touch this up and re-drop as a more polished piece....
thanks for the honest feed Ntalek....its greatly appreciated.

[Ink Poyzin]

not bad, man.. Ntalek is right.. I dont think
you went about the topic in the right way..
overall ive seen some dope bars here and there..

hang out on Saturday nights and have alcoholic blackouts
get trapped in 9-to-5's and yearn for a way back out
hit eject, back out get your soul back now...just
Another obstacle put in front of the black child

^ain't that the damn truth? lol...

I could get grands to be quirky and blurt bizarre quotes
to the relapsing lung....I'ma thick cigar Smoke

^pretty dope.. i didnt like the line above it..
couldve been worded better.. the cigar line
was dope though..

Y'all hope to catch me slipping misguided
I'm the terminal mole dispatched to Spread the virus
3rd wheel in your triumvirate but hey....I like it

^also another part I thought was pretty dope..


like I said.. not bad, man.. decent vocabulary..
your flow was on point.. along with your multis..
good job.. keep writin'..

at least this shows that you have some potential and if you keep writing you'll get better

yeah so just keep posting.. elevation is key..