Six String King

[Pacino]

Six String King
By - Fractured




Strumming steel for the sake
of my sanity. Boredom carries
no bliss, it's for thy sound of
this orchestrated kiss. Plea
for a trade of life's, but beg
just for a dime. I'd recommend
living free but it's only a joy
for a short time. If I received
a dollar for every glare I receive,
then I'd be a millionaire covered
in green. But looks do not pay,
and homeless don't get paid. So
making a living is like finding the
cure for Aids. I sit in this alley-
way, playing my instrument. And
people just look at me in a way
that says "just surrender kid".
But I can't give up, I just can't
quit. Because making a small
living isn't just important. I'll
never have a hit on the radio,
and I'll never have a name in
lights. Because the homeless
are ignored, no matter the talent
that they might hold. The smiles
that they've sold. Doesn't mean
a thing beyond the life that they've
bought. A musician is a musician,
if only the world saw this. And would
listen to a musicians bliss. But I remain
in this alleyway, with my bits of nothing.
With respect from my kind, years of
experience. Years of a name beyond
commond sense.
Still being named, the six string king.

[Pacino]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nz-357860.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ie-354363.html

[Ink Poyzin]

very dope poem.. emotional..

If I received
a dollar for every glare I receive,
then I'd be a millionaire covered
in green. But looks do not pay,
and homeless don't get paid. So
making a living is like finding the
cure for Aids.

sad part, this is how it really is on the street.. people
don't bother to stop and listen to bummy guys
or chicks rapping or singer in alleyways. people walk by
like they don't even exist.. like they don't
bleed the same blood. pointing fingers and
laughing at those who got nothing but a box to
call their own... very touching piece, man..
amazing.. perfect wording.. keep writin'..
like I said.. very emotional.. peace.

[Gestures]

Yo, nice poem here Bell. Wording was crisp and decisive, never really faltered. The imagery was nice as your writing always tends to be on the descriptive side of things. Flowed nice, there were some clever lines like the dude above me quoted. The closing segment was nice, sort of made me feel better about the guys life. This was a good poem man, hit up mine.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nz-357931.html

[Poeta Demonio]

Okay, wasn't really feeling it. It was not bad, but it just didn't have the descriptive touch a piece like this should, you concerntrated more on the trivial than the actual feelings of a homeless guy. How cold was it during the winters for him? What did he eat when times were even tougher? How did he feel being all alone in the world? how did he get like that? There's just so many questions that need to be filled to make this a piece of interest. Plus, the guy you're talking about obviously isn't homeless, he has a nice guitar... i think you may be getting BUSKERS confussed with homeless people bro, so it was already kind of off to a bad start for me in that sense. You're getting alot better recently man, i definitely think your a talented dude and your kicking out some real nice stuff... but for me personally this piece was a flop. Kepp up man, and the only advice i would give you is think about the person you're describing, i think personally what you're lacking now is character identity... in the sense writing is the same as acting, you have to become that person, so its not JUST a figment of your imagination, it has to become you in order to express fully and be able to portray the character flawlessly... And for instance, lets say your writing about yourself, but in the past tense, as in an experience from the past, you have to not be the person you are today, think about how you WERE then and how it affected you then rather than in the present, and i think thats where alot of writers go wrong in terms of feeling and identification. Hope, maybe i've been some help, if not, oops.. lol but non the less, i'm impressed with the rest of your work recently, your coming along very well.

[Dayvid Aimz]

I like this piece cause it was upbeat throughout while describing something that seemed like a pretty sad situation....loved these lines:


Strumming steel for the sake
of my sanity. Boredom carries
no bliss, it's for thy sound of
this orchestrated kiss. Plea
for a trade of life's, but beg
just for a dime. I'd recommend
living free but it's only a joy
for a short time.
...........................the starting lines made the rest of this piece fall into place.
this was a very poetic and inspring read.
stay up Frac.
Loved the title too....it fit perfectly.

[Pacino]

thanks, forgot about this piece rofl.