Is it me or am I shrinking?

[Engivale]

Let's chat about half the doubt I've felt when in Cap and Gown...
Captain, Crown, Johnny Walker could take me farther than actin' now...
I'm at the bow of a ship coastin into a harbor's cliff -
Carvers sit tracing my likeness as I write this and spark a spliff...

I'm over indulgent, I'm cold and no solvent
Could reverse the process of aging as old men...
I know when it's time to stop, chalk it up to slow suicide...
You and I must think the same, our brains are blew inside...

Another shot? Love or not, it's fine if you're asking,
But the last thing I want is you bringing up a past fling...
Attaching to puppet strings, my luck just seems to be two-faced,
New couch in a new place, use these to clean off the poop stains...

It's me that won't compute, I'm a flute played with strings,
And labelings just make me seem like a playful thing...
If I make it seem like a woe-is-me story,
Stop listening - I don't like that shit either, it's corny...


I know waiting isn't action,
But to me it's the healing of mind...
Debating sense over passion,
I'm forced to leave you behind...


I find that I'm drowsy, it's lousy, I feel how I should feel ...
Like wood sealed from rain I'm dry and refrained from good and real...
But I wouldn't steal from my fellow man, I'm too damn aware of his sorrow...
His car loan, his mortgage and having to support his kids tomorrow...

It's glass stains, It's cash claims, it's churches and schools,
It hurts but it's cool to live inside a purse made of wool...
Material value it's so fucking clear how they wow you...
They calcu---late the best way to overpower you...

If you don't understand, it's because you're convinced,
That someone who vents is crazy cuz they're dumb or intense...
But lumber and rents and oil, I wonder who pretends this soil
Is theirs to sell cuz they stole it from the men who toiled...

I live in a box, It's my body and mind itself,
It's livin by mself in a house with no friends when it counts...
It's tenant amounts, its breakin' my back,
For a pact I made with Satan - disguised as a society's track...


I know waiting isn't action,
But to me it's the healing of mind...
Debating sense over passion,
I'm forced to leave you behind...


bye bye....

[the_origin]

i enjoyed this although it had more of a poetry feel to me but the concept was dope, vocab off the hook. One of the best i've seen on here. Im still elevating check out some of my pieces and tell me what u think

[Engivale]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rd-357446.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-357121.html

^^^links... and of course up over the 2 month old piece getting feedback over the one i just wrote haha...

[Morbid Dream]

the work of an introvert. Deep and emotional...just one problem. I've critiqued many of your verses anticipating eventually that you'll return the courtesy. But nothing!. I'll add more feed when i see that courtesy returned. PS i dont care if you think my verse sucks. What sucks is when you ignore it.

[Morbid Dream]

The content of this verse is so real its surreal you know what i mean... its some times a bit hard to follow but when understood its clear. You probably couldnt rap this that well but reading it was a brain treat.

fav lines

If I make it seem like a woe-is-me story,
Stop listening - I don't like that shit either, it's corny...

Thats my attitude aswell.

and

But I wouldn't steal from my fellow man, I'm too damn aware of his sorrow...
His car loan, his mortgage and having to support his kids tomorrow...

You probably dont even like this bar much but for some reason i was into it

Highlight

It's tenant amounts, its breakin' my back,
For a pact I made with Satan - disguised as a society's track...

The flow here was nothing compred to your other stuff...still good though.

When can we expect the next En piece?

[The Vortex]

yes.an interesting piece - no doubt, i found the flow a bit hard to roll with at times - as the second part of certain lines seemed to stretch just a little so i had to go back over it to put it in place......
you had a decent touch of humour here and there, and i thought the wording and certain internal multies was dope, as was the flow also dope in quite a few bars where u sort of switched up the pace.

we all need to vent some shit now and again, some more than others, and the way you vented right here is a cool artistic way to do it.
i like the way u structured and layered the piece, - which made it easy to look at and absorb

my fav section was--


It's glass stains, It's cash claims, it's churches and schools,
It hurts but it's cool to live inside a purse made of wool...
Material value it's so fucking clear how they wow you...
They calcu---late the best way to overpower you...

coz obviously i like multies - and the visual description was smooth, also was very expressionate
not the most amzing content i've seen from you, but it is what it is "a heavy venting, and done so with much skills.

that's 1


check out my new 1 if u get time--

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ld-357214.html

[Dayvid Aimz]

Engivale.....i really respect you as a writer......this rhyme right here seemed to be you in Auto-Pilot.
You know how people talk about how Jay-Z gets in auto-pilot sometimes.........no one in the rap game can hold jay-z's pen even when he's just playing around........I put you in that category of writers that can toy around and still be great.
I don't see you expanding your style into different areas:

Let's chat about half the doubt I've felt when in Cap and Gown...
Captain, Crown, Johnny Walker could take me farther than actin' now...
I'm at the bow of a ship coastin into a harbor's cliff -
Carvers sit tracing my likeness as I write this and spark a spliff...

[Ink Poyzin]

dope piece, man... your flow was on point..
along with your emotion.. everything seemed
to fit perfectly.. good wording...

If I make it seem like a woe-is-me story,
Stop listening - I don't like that shit either, it's corny...

^straight up.. tell it like it is..

I know when it's time to stop, chalk it up to slow suicide...
You and I must think the same, our brains are blew inside...

^another dope part.. i was feelin' this..

Attaching to puppet strings, my luck just seems to be two-faced,
New couch in a new place, use these to clean off the poop stains...

^wtf.. lmfao @ poop stains.. dope..


overall.. your flow stayed consistant throughout
the whole piece.. nice chorus.. this would
definitely sound doper on audio.. good job, man..

[Soul Slayer]

This is art at its best. I thought the emotion wud slack but
you kept it constant. The flow was tight as well.

Fav lines

I know when it's time to stop, chalk it up to slow suicide...
You and I must think the same, our brains are blew inside...

[status_unknown]

This was a refreshing read. I was feelin the rhyme scheme and your wording, no doubt. The ability to be able to rhyme words that normally wouldn't, i love that shit. Creativeness is obviously high in this also. I thought your flow was smooth as hell also. The imagery was captured well with some good intellectual material man. Enjoyed the read, stay up.

Pz...

[Murk_Iz_Uh_Beast]

this was real nice, had a mellow feel to it, up and down type mood.

"Another shot? Love or not, it's fine if you're asking,
But the last thing I want is you bringing up a past fling...
Attaching to puppet strings, my luck just seems to be two-faced,
New couch in a new place, use these to clean off the poop stains..."


I know waiting isn't action,
But to me it's the healing of mind...
Debating sense over passion,
I'm forced to leave you behind...
^^ cool lil in between part, not exactly what u call that in a poem^^

"It's glass stains, It's cash claims, it's churches and schools,
It hurts but it's cool to live inside a purse made of wool...
Material value it's so fucking clear how they wow you...
They calcu---late the best way to overpower you...

If you don't understand, it's because you're convinced,
That someone who vents is crazy cuz they're dumb or intense..."


good piece man