Note to Self (inward colaboration)

[The Vortex]

tite flow yo.... internal rhyming and content was hot, i felt some of the end rhymes in general could of been more thought out to have a more dynamic effect.....content was nicee though for real, and had a most original approach.

as the verse goes on you apply some good humour, nice work on the content all in all, i gotta agree with envigale on rhyming it out on the "ing" thing, it sort of took away from the quality of the verse in my view, as the end rhymes became somewhat uninteresting and near predictable

still a nicee piece for real, content was put together really well, and displayed plenty of character

pz

[The Vortex]

tite flow yo.... internal rhyming and content was hot, i felt some of the end rhymes in general could of been more thought out to have a more dynamic effect.....content was nicee though for real, and had a most original approach.

as the verse goes on you apply some good humour, nice work on the content all in all, i gotta agree with envigale on rhyming it out on the "ing" thing, it sort of took away from the quality of the verse in my view, as the end rhymes became somewhat uninteresting and near predictable

still a nicee piece for real, content was put together really well, and displayed plenty of character

pz

[The Vortex]

tite flow yo.... internal rhyming and content was hot, i felt some of the end rhymes in general could of been more thought out to have a more dynamic effect.....content was nicee though for real, and had a most original approach.

as the verse goes on you apply some good humour, nice work on the content all in all, i gotta agree with envigale on rhyming it out on the "ing" thing, it sort of took away from the quality of the verse in my view, as the end rhymes became somewhat uninteresting and near predictable

still a nicee piece for real, content was put together really well, and displayed plenty of character

pz

[Illus']

I like digged the read the way you set everything
up the letters the way they went smoothly together
as if it were two different individuals speaking to one
another which interest me. Nice job on coming up with
something like this..well I am pretty sure it has been
done however still somewhat different.
Your ING-endings you need to stop that you know like
working , looking etc.. its like a simple way of rhyming
its annoying somewhat..

anyway

What are these noises in my head, keep it down up there I’m working
Wait…you aren’t even real so how can you possibly be conversing?
I never agreed to any of this so how do these ideas keep converting?

strong lines actually reminds me of myself !!

Your third verse was your strongest the other two
were ok.. I believe this piece would have been much better
if you just would have shorten your lines and used better
wording to draw me more in as a reader maybe better imagery
I suppose ??

anyway cool job

[Man of Steel Man]

slept on much ?

[Man of Steel Man]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-357879.html