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Thread: My Chains

  1. #1
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    My Chains

    My Chains



    One million,
    One million and one -
    These steel links
    bind into one like
    a united country.
    All for the same;
    except the outcast,
    which these few cast
    of steel remain lost...
    Still strong, but un-united.
    Unique in their own way,
    weakening every day -
    as they lay...
    Cold,
    lifeless,
    broken...
    on the earth where -
    conflicts of the same
    happen without chains.
    And therefore the
    burden of weight lightens,
    I continue my count...
    One million and one,
    one million...

    ..Chains are strongest
    when they're united..
    isn't that ironic.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Shotty Fullclip's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    this poem was decent but you've done better before.
    So I thought it was very simplistic. But in someway
    I found alot of emotion released. Like intense to a
    certain extent. Overall it was worth the read and I
    enjoyed it, too... Just feels like it needs a touch up
    somewhere.... Like it has a missing link.... Just keep
    writing and keeping up the good work, bro.. Thanks.

  3. #3
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    thanks to you.. uppin.. i'll get links eventually
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  4. #4
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    Ah this was cool my dude, I don't remember much of your writing from before you left but this was smooth criminal, Jon... Uh, the flow was pretty nice, rhyming was pretty basic, a nice l ittle piece but nothing pretty extravagant and special. Good job on this one, look forwawrd to your entree in poetry.

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  5. #5
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    thanks a lot.. i'm trying to get into it more..
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  6. #6
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    Nice, i haven't read your stuff in a while so its good to see you writing poetry again... this piece was simple but effective, tonally fitting and the voice you used was strong enough to carry the piece emotionally and creative wise... i actually feel you've got better since you stopped writing poetry! lol... which is kind of odd... maybe you've been reading more pieces or something and getting tips... but non the less this was a cool littrle piece, look forward to reading more from you again
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  7. #7
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    Return it.

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  8. #8
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    will do.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  9. #9
    .Get Retarded. Floyd Powell's Avatar
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    Re: My Chains

    Not a bad drop but a bit simple. I understood where you
    were coming from. It had deep emotion. But maybe
    one day i'll read something longer from you..

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