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Thread: Better Place

  1. #1
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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    Better Place



    Better Place




    I'm sick of fighting over stupid shit; where you been, who you with.
    Stop crying it's useless, it's your fault, you did this.
    This is what you wanted wasn't it, well you got it.
    There's no going back, It's too late our kids at the bottom
    of our pool...see for yourself I did it to save us.
    Get it together and clean up your make-up.
    We used to be the perfect couple...I was just tryna get back,
    this was the only way I could think of rewinding it back
    back to the time we were happy spending the time that we had
    together I did this for YOU Heather I thought you'd be glad
    ...Okay look, nobody knows it yet...we can make a story up call in an ambulance
    and call it an accident,
    or better...we can say someone held us for ransom and,
    as bad as it sounds then he left us and he drowned the kids
    that's it...I'll get on the phone then tell you what we need to do
    to make it more believable then I'll get up and clean the pool

    Quiet my little baby girls it'll all be over soon
    we don't know what to do
    Your mommies got a lot of stuff to do
    And she's sick and tired of fussing over you
    so I told my daughters

    Quiet my little baby girls it'll all be over soon
    we don't know what to do
    And there's really nothing else to say
    Except at least your in a better place


    Alright there, police are on their way, get some rope get some tape.
    Don't make it look like this was staged, they can tell if it looks fake.
    Put some on your wrist and face then tare it till it's rips and chafes
    Then leave it in the living room, that'll be exhibit "A".
    ...You know I love you right "yeah", yeah your fucking right
    I'll do anything for you I'll put that on my MOTHERS life
    We'll be alright just stick together, me and you we'll live forever.
    We can always have another kid together this is better.
    ...Alright we gotta leave a couple marks to show a struggle
    ...Take off your jewelery or else there gonna know it's from you
    ...Don't worry I'll be fine, they'd probably think 'cus I'm a guy
    I'd try to fight, Ready? just keep hitting me on either side
    ...That's It...That's it
    shit they're coming how they get here that quick.
    Just stick to the script, put your jewelery on stay cool and calm,
    you'll be fine just play your part and it'll be over soon enough

    Quiet my little baby girls it'll all be over soon
    we don't know what to do
    Your mommies got a lot of stuff to do
    And she's sick and tired of fussing over you
    so I told my daughters

    Quiet my little baby girls it'll all be over soon
    we don't know what to do
    And there's really nothing else to say
    Except at least your in a better place


    Some manic, a psychopath was waiting for us in the den,
    and said he wanted everything valuable ready in a bag.
    He tied us up and said he had our daughter waiting in his van,
    and if we don't co-operate we'd never see the kids again.
    I tried to fight him off and then he pistol whipped me in the back.
    I told him where to find the safe and gave him everything we had.
    He put the pistol to her face and winked at her and then he left.
    We ran to find our daughters in the pool my god I think they're dead.
    ..."Alright just calm down, tell me where they are now"
    They're in the back yard "You tried giving them CPR?" How?
    ...I never took the class I never had a reason,
    "Bring the paramedics to the backyard, I think we're going to need em"
    ...I hope they'll be okay for Heathers sake she's broken up
    you'll understand she's been a little quiet since the whole thing but
    I'm sure she can co-operate and tell you the whole story just
    don't push her any further past I'll see how Heathers holding up

    Quiet my little baby girls it'll all be over soon
    we don't know what to do
    Your mommies got a lot of stuff to do
    And she's sick and tired of fussing over you
    so I told my daughters

    Quiet my little baby girls it'll all be over soon
    we don't know what to do
    And there's really nothing else to say
    Except at least your in a better place
    SUGAR KANE YOUTUBE CHANNEL

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  2. #2
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    uppin for feed.
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  4. #4
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    Re: Better Place

    i liked this, as i was readin i was actually picturing everything
    but when i was done i was wantin to know what happened after that
    did they get away with it or not? but overall nice story/song

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...se-357082.html

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  5. #5

    Re: Better Place

    This for audio right, cause most of your pieces are anyways. Uh as for the flow, it was alright, I didn't get into the 'feel' of it. The concept was pretty predictable, had a good potential story line if you haven't made it so obvious. Uh so I was a little bored. But what kept me Interesting was the story line by itself, I thought there would be a twist or something. Like the daughter woked up and told the cops what really happened and the couple gets locked up, Lol. But overall this was an alright piece. Oneluv.

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    Peace.Love.Unity.Respect.

  6. #6
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    Re: Better Place

    well this was a aiight read...seemed like you were on some Em type shit....with one of his pissed off rants....but the story line was cool but the way you approached the topic made it a bit predictable...you had some aiight flow with mixed emotion here and there..but as Sui said above there was no type of twist or anything to really pull the reader into the ending it just ended...feel me..but overall this was a aiight read..nothing spectacular...keep writing..

  7. #7

    Re: Better Place

    this was a dope and solid piece, for sure.. the emotion and
    usage of your vocabulary wasn't bad at all. you kept me
    reading and I enjoyed it alot. so overall all I can say is
    just keep doin' your thing... and if you do make this an
    audio please PM me and lemme know when it drops.
    thanks alot and peace out.

  8. #8
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    Now I'm thinkin bout writing a 4th verse
    only track that has ever done that to my knowledge is 'Stan' by Eminem. We'll see though I might have to extend the beat.
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  9. #9
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    Re: Better Place

    i liked it jus becuz i enjoy story mode sometimes, it did put me into some eminem shit but it was creative i like the whole use of different fonts and the picture at the top put me there i was feelin like i was tied up in my den or some shit i would love to hear it to feel it on beat but it was nice keep doin it

  10. #10
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    thanks for the feed, uppin.
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  11. #11
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    Re: Better Place

    This was dope and crazy and Scary......reminded of eminem when he was murdering kim on a track like every other week....LOLz....but this had way more imagery and was a whole lot darker....

    loved like the chorus line part....and i think it was brilliant how the explanation to the police was written out as the Last verse.

    Loved how the guy was trying to explain that he killed his daughters so that him and his girl could make they relationship as good as its posed to be.
    my ? is are you gon' write a part two....(I really wanna know how Heather is gonna tell the cops what dude said....when she didn't listen to his story)

    but yeah...gr8 concept and very well-written out and very well thought out.
    you got skills man....

    Rating:10/10

  12. #12
    Count Akuma (2012) Sugar Kane's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    seems like I'm going to have to write a part 2 to this.
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  13. #13
    Lyrical animal...H.M.I.C Man of Steel Man's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    it would be cool if you hit my link as i left feed on your gay friend joint...thanks .

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    I'm just on, we sposed ta be brothas!(PWN Squad)

  14. #14
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    You always drop pretty nice OMs dude, and this wasn't any different. I really enjoyed reading this, the flow was nice as fuck, it just sort of came off the tounge really easily. The rhymes were definitely on point dude, and the story and message you put across in this piece was really quite thought provoking. I'd like to see you drop more often in this forum, you have a lot of talent. Keep at it dude, and I'll keep reading your new shit

    props man.

    get at my piece 'Tomorrow's History', it'd be appreciated.

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  15. #15
    Town Rapist Ink Poyzin's Avatar
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    Re: Better Place

    This was a nicely wrote piece. The flow it was dopeness.
    When I started I actually thought this shit was based on
    somethin' outta the newspaper. Bro, you did a real good
    job with this. Just a rhyme on point all the way through..
    Shows to me you have alotta skill MCin'. Keep on
    writin'. Elevation is key. I felt this piece alot. And
    Im sure your next drops will be just as dope.
    [YOUTUBE]gbEwHJX95QE[/YOUTUBE]

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