*Literal Destinies

[Vincent Maestro]

A short written...all criticism will be appreciated...leave links to your work.

LITERAL DESTINIES


Speaking to the Body:
Flesh is weak and unsubstantial
You move in ways that are so mysterious
en vogue or out vogue, Let's Go
to a place of new and old Roles
Masculinity stripped bare, Lives here (inside me)
the animus/anima XXXtraordinair...

Prophecy and disregard you Inflitrate
this vulnerable Gaurd and you make me HARD
as only you Can

The soul snatches the mic...and talks to body...
...its never appeasing when I tell it to you...you're beautiful
Ideologies we sell in the youth breed self-destruction
they die so young the skeletons move
they forgot life is different from the Afterlife
fantasies of a Magic type leave me mad @ Times
Cause see, euphoria is the current Benchmark
but I can't evoke half that with My rhymes
my cousin said study the Greats
now I'm unconventional as T.S. eliot
I never say what they want me to Say.

The Mind opens up and lurches out:
This is where writer's Block gets thrown down
grab your pen body put lyrics under control now
in my concentration Camp's devising Mechanism
but these jesters act as if they never Witnessed
POLY-syllabism my body of work has adopted
cysts and Schisms plagiarists are no longer living...
(My body was once so beautiful and lively)...despite me
and all the dissassociative disorders screaming inside me
none will be forgiven if my opus was before you
I'd blaspheme in it so it'd never be God-Like
It would be hedonistic and God-Awful


Eulogy of mynd,body,soul Trinity:
Searching for my perfect rhyme I'll expand the quest
Till air pollutes and no longer Expands this bodies chest
We were all 3 born to live but literally destined for DEATH....
Rest in Peace...(circa genesis-12-29-2007)

my links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-356529.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-356086.html

[Engivale]

Ummm - this should be in poetic forum methinks, lol, the way that you free-wrote this. It's funny that you talk about your rhymes and flows several times despite the fact that this is certainly not a rhythm piece, if it is, I am missing it completely. But I can still dig it, it was just funny that you were referring to actually rapping while you were kind of just talking... like I said, this reads more like a freewrite than anything else.

Prophecy and disregard you Inflitrate
this vulnerable Gaurd and you make me HARD
as only you Can

^^^like... I don't really get what prophecy has to do with any of the following subject matter... seemed extremely random... I'm sure you know in your head what you're referring to, but as a reader, it seems like jargon.

they die so young the skeletons move
they forgot life is different from the Afterlife
fantasies of a Magic type leave me mad @ Times
Cause see, euphoria is the current Benchmark
but I can't evoke half that with My rhymes
my cousin said study the Greats
now I'm unconventional as T.S. eliot
I never say what they want me to Say.

Like, the first part I quoted rhymes kind spiffy, like sort of some baron p type-ish, but then you sort of make fun of yourself which is just 2 fucking funny.. saying you can't do it with rhymes, and you're supposed to be reading up on the best writers to improve but its just making you more obscure... I mean, at least you know what it is, LoL.

in my concentration Camp's devising Mechanism
but these jesters act as if they never Witnessed
POLY-syllabism my body of work has adopted
cysts and Schisms plagiarists are no longer living...

another one of those "i'm gonna take a sound and just kind of rhyme it when I feel like it as I jot down a stream of thoughts." Like, seriously now its almost starting to sound like one of those spoken words that everybody is sitting and pretending to get, faces fixed in concentration, but really they're wondering why you're talking about jesters aside from the fact its a popular writing device for people you seek to ridicule or belittle.

I'd blaspheme in it so it'd never be God-Like
It would be hedonistic and God-Awful

Also a tough one to swim through.. you can't "blaspheme," LoL, so it was just a weird use of the word... it's a not a verb its an adjective... but, I mean, whatever, just kind of continuing on your random-ness.

I dunno, dude, not really my type of thing but you read my work a lot so I wanted to break something down for u. U can RTF my newest OM its on the front page if u want, but u don't have to. Stay up, tell me when u write a true rap song lol this is just out there, dude.

[The Vortex]

lol, this makes me laugh from the start, good aproach at something original ,
drops more as a poem for real, coz there isnt really a ny dynamic flow going on as such,


and i thought these lines-


Prophecy and disregard you Inflitrate
this vulnerable Gaurd and you make me HARD
as only you Can


would make more sense as

With a prophetic disregard you Inflitrate -
this vulnerable Gaurd and you make me HARD
as only you Can



but these jesters act as if they never Witnessed
POLY-syllabism my body of work has adopted
baffling at times,
lola poem though for real


keep doing ur thing

pz

this piece does get a bit baffling at times, i think its coz u tried to make every line run on to the next, and also you had some near impossible word pairings
still i found it entertaining in certain respects, more


..........

[Man of Steel Man]

i thought this joint was cool...it was a mixture i think of poetry and at times had a hip hoppish feel...i think your flow on point in some areas and in other areas it was a bit off...some places you had lines connecting with other lines and other places you had internal rhymes within the lines which made for a pretty funky composition. the emotion and the imagery were very strong in the piece and that kept it going IMO...all in all it was a nice read, i enjoyed it and i liked the varrying tempo and tone to it...kept it interesting from the begining to the end...keep up the good work...cheers

[Vincent Maestro]

Thanks alot mosm.....I've been consciously trying to improvce on my internal rhymes and I really appreciate anyone noticing that.....
sometimes its hard for me to do internal rhymes and keep making sense.

[Cosa Nostra]

okay I liked it however because my literary intelligence is very dull...not flattering you or anyone or anything...but i had hard time getting the full plot. so the reason i like it is because of the feel to esp. the overall structure
the fact that each paragraphs dealt with Body, Soul, Mind respectively and then you knotted it all together into the grande finale of :

Eulogy of mynd,body,soul Trinity:
Searching for my perfect rhyme I'll expand the quest
Till air pollutes and no longer Expands this bodies chest
We were all 3 born to live but literally destined for DEATH....
Rest in Peace...(circa genesis-12-29-2007)

I think we should try to get over our ego and if we dont understand a piece just plainly ask the auther to explain it....cuz even sometimes after we watch a movie we have to go to certain website message board to understand it.


The Mind opens up and lurches out:
This is where writer's Block gets thrown down
grab your pen body put lyrics under control now
in my concentration Camp's devising Mechanism
but these jesters act as if they never Witnessed
POLY-syllabism my body of work has adopted
cysts and Schisms plagiarists are no longer living...
(My body was once so beautiful and lively)...despite me
and all the dissassociative disorders screaming inside me
none will be forgiven if my opus was before you
I'd blaspheme in it so it'd never be God-Like
It would be hedonistic and God-Awful


This above piece was just dope.
I can relate to writing such thing is because I just barely finished something similar. So I love the raw material.