wordplay

[the_origin]

who wanna die defy gods lyrical law
raw daddy origin drag his sword thru ya reservoir
we gun clappin niggas thats known around the globe 4 wack bashin
in other words im infinitely blastin
turnin foes like old potatoes
u can play the role while i mold flows like play doe
drop knowlege like Plato fatal since the cradle
willing and able 2 rock ya lable thru mic cables
u pussies got more jokes than moms mable
u shaky but im unstable
fruit punch versus the black lable
im futuristic like futurama
i got a flow that dont exist without using commas
2 non believers, destructive steezes,
the origin is the god gifted, apocalyptic
rhyme thru the splifted, incase u missed it, the twisted,
mystic, master of gramatical intercourse
the force and source essentially divides
niggas minds corrupted by the will of fake gods
the deaf leadin the dumb the dumb travelin blind
as i rest wit only 9 shots
step and get caught up by the rhyme side
of hip hop when words pop mor shots
than any clip designed under gods green earth
i be the first
and original man made material
lyrical god so who u swearin 2
origin will bury u

[The Smarter Martyr]

wasnt feelin it too much to tell you the truth,simple rhymes pushed together,kinda forced in places...

stay up..

[Vincent Maestro]

I think you had good rhyme patterbs but I don't really see a subject that your were creating a story around there was no Climax or conclusion just kinda Randomness through out....I can't really talk cause I get Flagged every post for being too Random.

my fav lines were:
fruit punch versus the black lable
im futuristic like futurama
i got a flow that dont exist without using commas
2 non believers, destructive steezes,
the origin is the god gifted, apocalyptic
rhyme thru the splifted, incase u missed it, the twisted,
mystic, master of gramatical intercourse

I'd like to see you write a rhyme with a Topic....
it'll get more feedback and it will also help you elevate....
Check out "Hated by who i hate first" by Engivale.
and "Hero and the Villain" by Mosm and Fuego Caliente....
I'm not saying palgiarize but imitation isn't Evil

[the_origin]

thx for the feedback

[Cosa Nostra]

Okay I wanted to see some wordplay and I couldnt find any... BUt when I read it I felt the poetic+rap style being coallesced into one which I sort of liked. You had some intellectual moments going and loved the using of multis.
I like the feel of it...instead of trying to look for some message in it. parts I was feeling:

who wanna die defy gods lyrical law
raw daddy origin drag his sword thru ya reservoir
we gun clappin niggas thats known around the globe 4 wack bashin
in other words im infinitely blastin

u can play the role while i mold flows like play doe
drop knowlege like Plato fatal since the cradle

fruit punch versus the black lable
im futuristic like futurama
i got a flow that dont exist without using commas

2 non believers, destructive steezes,
the origin is the god gifted, apocalyptic
rhyme thru the splifted, incase u missed it, the twisted,
mystic, master of gramatical intercourse

the deaf leadin the dumb the dumb travelin blind
as i rest wit only 9 shots

i will say keep droppin and elevating