Tainted Tears - Tim Ft. Born To Kill & Edicius

[Edicius]

Tainted Tears - Tim, Born To Kill & Edicius

Tim:

Explosions of thoughts across a canvas of ivory
A map for the lost, appointing paths thru these dark dreams
Create a mosiac of words to form a stain glass beauty
Postdate the time of being hurt while you can see thru me
Every sentence is a piece to the puzzle we struggled to make
An image of the deceased that speaks of those living the fake
As years passed and books stacked, stories still originate often
Tears crashed and millions laughed during the time before a coffin
These lines define these times during times of sorrow. Such a tragedy
That tomorrow's yet to see the greed of society's fiends. Held by gravity
Down to the earth's surface as worthless addicts with no satisfaction
Since the fingerprints of birth you hurt to grab at any paying action
I as well am poisoned with this greed, constantly wishing for infinite
The blade's moistened after I recieved it's kisses, so intimate
Stress from life made me pursue the knife, Now I'm passed that
I've found my light, the words I write are what I now stab at
The steps to anger walk this paper, leaving outlines of dead bodies
Express my voiceless thought, scream to the heaven's above me
Depressed, but I refuse to stop. Dream of the perfect something
The perfect path, invision the decision that'll lead me to happiness
Past's mistakes will make you face your fate and leave a trace
Grasp your faith and work your way towards a comfort place
Force feed your feelings to those unapalled by your beliefs
Push your limits past the ceilings. Never fall to their greeds

Born To Kill:

My lady cries for me, standing over my grave…
Looking so fuckin lovely, I still manage to crave.
Her warm, soft touch…silky fingers so small…
Delicate little nails, now clinched into claws.
I prefer when they paint and play, so much talent in them…
With canvas or violin she displays, all her emotion within.
God, I love those hands, so tiny when they perform art…
So they always made my dick look as big as a porn star’s.
It’s funny what you miss, what you long for when covered in dirt…
How it’s not “one last kiss”…cuz ”one last handjob” holds more worth.
Shoulda let me have one last squirt…a final release for me…
Cuz it turns out in death…getting horny doesn’t cease to be.
.
.
.
Wait…what’s that shit? What the fuck fell into this mixture?
I’m lying here looking at tits…then a hand comes into the picture!
It’s caressing my bitch! And she’s turning to accept the attention…
With a full and luscious kiss…that pollutes my new dimension.
Suddenly I see clearly…as realization kills my boner…
The woman who loved me sincerely…I hadn’t really known her.
And hadn’t really died…not naturally, it’s revealed…
When the man at her side, accepts the gun she concealed.
The one I never saw…when we went walking in the rain…
And now I remember with awe, the sudden blast of pain.
Took one in the back of the head…see, I saw a big hole and was callin…
“Honey, come look at this!” Then…BLAM…gullible and dead, I fall in..
.
.
.

Edicius:
.
.
Loosing my religion, without even having faith to begin,
no power within and my sins carved into my skin..
the truth kept buried, troubled persistently,
carrying systematic troubles, combined with pain consistently..
unreliable faith killing me slow, tears in my heart that will never show,
doomed to not grow, making deals, but with the devil - never quid pro quo..
failure as a key and our lost dark-souls benighted,
still the fact remains; eye for an eye, will leave us all blinded..
.
.
being obedient,tryin to protect..
ourself from a painfull and furter hummiliation,
our mindstate; just a dubious unaccountable destroyed organisation..
blindfolded by darkness, no humanity shown,
our arrival was harsh, destination .. unknown..
leaving me with a blemished face, my life erased,
reduced in worth…. and filled with disgrace..
and the duel moved with slow motions, in directions of every kind,
..but the notion of disguise is associated with disaster from our own minds..

.
.


Leaving us with nothing but.. tears.


Links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...07-356105.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...st-356517.html

[Sicc Thawts]

HoF! Yall locked if not all, then every component that makes up a collaboration... the chemistry between yall could have been a major plus, but as far as imagery(BTK w. that performing art..... made my dick big as porn stars), emotion(Tim), and rhyme scheme(Edi) yall got it locked, good shit here if you ask me, good job. Although i would have loved to drop my Tainted Tears on RB also, or get on this, i like the read, get my nomination.

Need anymore feed, pm me.

[Edicius]

see thas why i wont waste anymore time dropping here anymore.

[Born To Kill]

Relax, man...

S'just been one day.

[Axe.]

Hmmm, let's see what we got here, Tim, BTK, and Edi.


Ok, I already have a feeling that this is going to be a dope ass collab man so after that prediction, lets get this review started...shall we?


Tim: Well I really didn't like how your first couplet flowed and rhymed much but it was a nice vivid display of imagery, then you started to pick up the better words and creativity and multi syllable rhyming, some great shit towards getting to the more interesting of your part which to me was the middle of your verse, you had some great lines in the middle

Down to the earth's surface as worthless addicts with no satisfaction
Since the fingerprints of birth you hurt to grab at any paying action

That was pretty dope imo, something made it so real and vivid had some great diction behind it that made it sound better aswell, so that was probably a big + of why I liked this couplet so much.


Then the end of your verse was also pretty good you know? I liked the last 3 couplets alot, just a good way to close your part, so overall a good job on making the first verse of a collab interesting man, keep it up Timmy.



Born: OK, your first couplet was pretty cool, just don't believe it was necessary for you to say "fucking", but it was still good, nothing bad but shit, just sounded like a outburst for a second, the creativity of your verse was pretty good had a lot of mixed emotions contributed which kept me guessing a lot which is good, as far as the diction I felt it could have been better...but basically this verse was pretty weird, the "one last hand job" line really threw me off a sec, on your second part, I think you started off more smoothly, which is saying a lot because you started that verse pretty aggressively as well, but then you continued and you produced some pretty good lines in that section of your drop

Suddenly I see clearly…as realization kills my boner…
The woman who loved me sincerely…I hadn’t really known her.
And hadn’t really died…not naturally, it’s revealed…
When the man at her side, accepts the gun she concealed.
The one I never saw…when we went walking in the rain…
And now I remember with awe, the sudden blast of pain.

These 3 couplets were pretty cool, drastic, and pretty sick lmao, but I think its just your style, and atleast you own it to where yyou might be the only one who is making it dope (besides Bounce).


Well despite your verse looking like two rants of madness, I think this verse was pretty good man, nothing wrong with your style, just not really used to seeing it all the time, but its still good, keep doing you Born.




Edicius: Cool first couplet man, really liked how you used your diction and how you placed the words to make it flow well, so you resumed and you had some great lines in there, you put alot of imagery into your verse, I think you put the most imagery in your drop, despite having the shortest verse man..repect for that...I also liked the creative shit going down in your verse, alot of it was just great man and you also had some good emotion man

blindfolded by darkness, no humanity shown,
our arrival was harsh, destination .. unknown..
leaving me with a blemished face, my life erased,
reduced in worth…. and filled with disgrace..

Those two couplets were fucking dope as hell yo, imagery and creativity mixed and it came with a great purpose man, that shit had me wowed for a couple minute, no lie good shit right there really poetic.


You finished with a nice little close to the whole thing and thats very important when you are the closer of a collab of good heads, you did a nice job man I liked how every thing was together in a group of words sort of way if you know what I mean (probably not) but hey thats how I see it.






This was a great collab, every body contributed a unique style in this drop, had some cool shit and a lot of emotion, but I think that we all could agree that Born had the most emotion put into his verse, Edi had alot but not more than Born he just ripped it with emotion and he deserves to be noticed for it, though I felt Tim had the best verse of the collab, he opened nicely that made me want to read the other tow verses, so he really did his job on opening to make it where the reader wants to read more, Then Edicus closed it right after Born's nice display of emotion which is probably the hardest part so Edi deserves a lot of credit for closing it the way he did, on a collab of dope heads so yeah, overall this was a pretty dope ass collab, lot of shit going on in this piece and I liked it...very dope, I think it deserves HOF, because its much better than alot of the pieces that are being nominated and thats bullshit if this doesn't get in, but yeah guys nice job here, keep up the writing at higher levels of alot of people in the OM section, make sure that you each feed my pieces when get the chance man....but until then stay up.

pZ.

Oh

Officially 5000 characters.

[Born To Kill]

Wow, man...

[Edicius]

Relax, man...

S'just been one day.

oi, i have finished up 2+ bacardi bottles since i dropped it, and i checked back etc, time flies when your in a rush ;f

[Edicius]

Fazeek, you earned 50+ cool points, for real. I havent seen anyone break down like you did in ages, props for that. And thanks for the indepth reply - bump

[Axeshun]

No problem man..

[Edicius]

bump

[Born To Kill]

What's up in here???

[Boxin Mics]

This was a really dope piece, and I give all you props for that. I'll keep an eye out for more pieces, and make sure to drop some quick replies. I'm kinda in a rush right now, so i'm just jottin' down a lil' somethin' somethin' to show respect. I'll stay tuned, and all ya'll keep doing ya thang. One, and keep ya head up.

[Jon]

This was a great piece, and this is why you guys should stay somewhat active in open mic. This makes me want to write, and at the moment I have about 4 different collabs that I haven't even started to write to. So good job on being inspiring. And... If any of you want to collab just PM me or something and I'll be up for it.

This was a lengthy piece compared to others, so I'll break this down person by person so hopefully I can give more feed.

So, first off. Tim:

Explosions of thoughts across a canvas of ivory
A map for the lost, appointing paths thru these dark dreams
Create a mosiac of words to form a stain glass beauty
Postdate the time of being hurt while you can see thru me
Every sentence is a piece to the puzzle we struggled to make
An image of the deceased that speaks of those living the fake

Pretty nice so far. I noticed the vivid detail Tim tried to portray of mostly hidden 'bullshit' that someone could put out to make you feel like shit. Could definantly relate to this part in the beginning. Loved how unforced it seems, and how nice it falls into place. Kudo's on this part.

As years passed and books stacked, stories still originate often
Tears crashed and millions laughed during the time before a coffin
These lines define these times during times of sorrow. Such a tragedy
That tomorrow's yet to see the greed of society's fiends. Held by gravity
Down to the earth's surface as worthless addicts with no satisfaction
Since the fingerprints of birth you hurt to grab at any paying action
I as well am poisoned with this greed, constantly wishing for infinite
The blade's moistened after I recieved it's kisses, so intimate

Loads of emotion put out here. I noticed in the first few lines it seemed as if he took his time to put a picture in the reader's mind of what was going on, so they could feel what was going on rather than just reading a bunch of words that rhymed. Nice shit, loving the description.

Stress from life made me pursue the knife, Now I'm passed that
I've found my light, the words I write are what I now stab at
The steps to anger walk this paper, leaving outlines of dead bodies
Express my voiceless thought, scream to the heaven's above me
Depressed, but I refuse to stop. Dream of the perfect something
The perfect path, invision the decision that'll lead me to happiness
Past's mistakes will make you face your fate and leave a trace
Grasp your faith and work your way towards a comfort place
Force feed your feelings to those unapalled by your beliefs
Push your limits past the ceilings. Never fall to their greeds

Wow, nice way to end this part. LOVED IT. Tim never stops the good shit once he starts. It was a depressing piece all in all, but at the end its like the writer had hope in what was going on. Kind of motivational the way you put it out there. In this verse you really just kicked ass in emotion, flow, the picture you painted in my head was crazy, and the funny thing is I've seen many concepts of the same used and I've yet to see one exicuted as well as this. Really nice shit, can't wait to get to the others.

Next Born:

My lady cries for me, standing over my grave…
Looking so fuckin lovely, I still manage to crave.
Her warm, soft touch…silky fingers so small…
Delicate little nails, now clinched into claws.
I prefer when they paint and play, so much talent in them…
With canvas or violin she displays, all her emotion within.
God, I love those hands, so tiny when they perform art…
So they always made my dick look as big as a porn star’s.
It’s funny what you miss, what you long for when covered in dirt…
How it’s not “one last kiss”…cuz ”one last handjob” holds more worth.
Shoulda let me have one last squirt…a final release for me…
Cuz it turns out in death…getting horny doesn’t cease to be.

Rofl, wow. Uh, you're definantly original. Funny but its even funnier how you managed to come up with this when it's talking about your death an shit. Well, as always flawless flow, not a part so far has been forced. Loving the honesty, I'd probably be the same way. But good job so far.

Wait…what’s that shit? What the fuck fell into this mixture?
I’m lying here looking at tits…then a hand comes into the picture!
It’s caressing my bitch! And she’s turning to accept the attention…
With a full and luscious kiss…that pollutes my new dimension.
Suddenly I see clearly…as realization kills my boner…
The woman who loved me sincerely…I hadn’t really known her.
And hadn’t really died…not naturally, it’s revealed…
When the man at her side, accepts the gun she concealed.
The one I never saw…when we went walking in the rain…
And now I remember with awe, the sudden blast of pain.
Took one in the back of the head…see, I saw a big hole and was callin…
“Honey, come look at this!” Then…BLAM…gullible and dead, I fall in..

Mmmk... Got a little forced here I think, or maybe the flow slowed up. I was reading fast and it just seemed harder to read. Pretty fucked up picture you're painting, but hey, the truth's a bitch. Seem's like that girl is too. I like the emotion, seems like he's frustrated that he never got to know her and that the man who killed him is right beside her. Weird, but cool. Liking it so far, and nice piece born. The first stanza really carried it as far as flow goes, the rest was good too, but it showed more emotion than flow. Nice shit though.

Edicius:

Loosing my religion, without even having faith to begin,
no power within and my sins carved into my skin..
the truth kept buried, troubled persistently,
carrying systematic troubles, combined with pain consistently..
unreliable faith killing me slow, tears in my heart that will never show,
doomed to not grow, making deals, but with the devil - never quid pro quo..
failure as a key and our lost dark-souls benighted,
still the fact remains; eye for an eye, will leave us all blinded..

Nice metaphore to end the stanza. Loved the flow and vocab. You showed flow like Born in his first stanza but just added a little vocabulary to it. Its dope and I'm loving the metaphores, hope you keep it up.

being obedient,tryin to protect..
ourself from a painfull and furter hummiliation,
our mindstate; just a dubious unaccountable destroyed organisation..
blindfolded by darkness, no humanity shown,
our arrival was harsh, destination .. unknown..
leaving me with a blemished face, my life erased,
reduced in worth…. and filled with disgrace..
and the duel moved with slow motions, in directions of every kind,
..but the notion of disguise is associated with disaster from our own minds..

Leaving us with nothing but.. tears.

Hell that was a good ending.. nice way to tie it up at the end. Crazy kind of, the way ya'll organized this and made shit happen looking at life from three different points of view. Nice job Edicius.

Overall this piece, I think, will be one for young readers and writers to read, so they have something to work for. Obviously it'll be hard to get to this point considering we have three of the top writers on the site, wrapped up into one piece. Great job, the only thing I think that was down a little from the rest of the piece was the consistancy. It seemed that all of you wrote absolute fire in the first few lines, and then seemed to slack off in the others. Not saying the other lines weren't good, they were still great, its just your first few lines were unbelievable. All in all, great shit. I'm not even gonna nominate this for the hall of fame because I know a bunch of little kiddies will do that, but in my opinion this may be nominated for Legends from me. I'm gonna read over a few more times and decide whether I think the fag's over there will accept. Great piece though guys. Keep writing...

AND..

Edicius, chill out man, the piece is kinda lengthy and little kids don't want to spend time to read it, understand it, then feed it. With time people like me, that mar, engivale and ledgenZ will be in here to leave some nice words.

Side note.. - Hence Forward is dropping our collab tomorrow, so it'd be greatly appreciated if you could leave some feed (any of you). Thanks

[Morbid Dream]

Tim

Fav lines

Stress from life made me pursue the knife, Now I'm passed that
I've found my light, the words I write are what I now stab at

Even better was

Past's mistakes will make you face your fate and leave a trace
Grasp your faith and work your way towards a comfort place

Almost as good

Force feed your feelings to those unapalled by your beliefs
Push your limits past the ceilings. Never fall to their greeds

This didnt read like a lyrical verse to begin but the flow stregthened as it went on. Really ..."Explosions of thoughts across a canvas of ivory"... as an opener was mild but it merged into tight rhymes and vivid expressions..."Force feed your feelings,...Push your limits past the ceilings"... I was loving that

try to make your whole verse like the last half... DOPE-A-LOT!

BTK

...hm... the start of this verse read really rushed and basic. The twist was amusing and sometimes the content was far fetched. It seems like putting this together was real easy for you. I'm sure with your track record u could easy have added some multis, a nice rhyme scheme and something complex. All in all...your a good story teller and my mind wasnt drifting while i read.


Edicious



3 stanzas, 1 verse, 3 differnt takes on the topic. "interesting" collab.

Ok...Ed, your verse was illy. however i think for some reason you forced parts of it. I reckon u tried to be too intellectual so it was unnatural. itd work beter if you wrote in your own words...
Your verse was also inconsistent with BTK aswell as Tim

So one take was political [yours], one was about a confused love [BTK] and one was an internal conflict [Tims...my favourite stanza].
Yet all were the same topic "Tainted Tears".

Good job DUDES!



RTF


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-356811.html

[Edicius]

oi Jon, it just hurts me when i see a piece have 34 views and not a single reply, i am used to it on RB, but it still makes me sigh ..anyways

thanks for the reply, i will drop some feed on the HF collab.