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Thread: That's Entertainment

  1. #1
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    That's Entertainment

    Inspired by The Jam track of the same name.






    That's Entertainment

    Watching the news, there's another crisis today
    Another health scare, dictators are hiding away
    Another 6-pack to be drained to numb my mind
    Reality TV at 7? Well, that's fun and fine
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    Hitting the park, football games and brutal fouls
    Smoking joints, resting on grass, shooting clouds
    Nonsense philosphies, irrelevant, but crucial now
    Remincising on the jobs that we do so proud
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    Dogs barking, scaring children and car alarms
    Insomnia strikes again so hard it harms
    Drunken athems past your window at 3am
    Wait til the morning for the world that i'll see again
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    Celebrity scandals, attention held for ransom
    Another old man lends a gun to his grandson
    Another country of innocents are blown away
    Another rehab from heroine and novocaine
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    A scarlet starlet showing flesh in a gossip mag
    Your team lost again? Oh man, what a drag
    Preachers on pulpits giving weekly enlightenment
    The fad diets and the dresses too tight to fit
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    The glare of spotlights and pre-written punchlines
    Base speakers, written rhythms and bunched rhymes
    Smokes and mirrors, ghost artists and stage shows
    A never-ending river, always the same flow
    and that's entertainment... that's entertainment





    Yup.
    Last edited by Johnny 6-feet; December 27th, 2007 at 06:46 PM

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  2. #2
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Re: That's Entertainment

    Links?

  3. #3
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Re: That's Entertainment

    Links are to be posted up within 24 hours on someone dropping a piece or on the writers first up on their piece, whichever comes first. Come on born, i've been the mod of this shit on like 3 different occasions, you think i don't know the rules? At least give me some feedback.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ut-356469.html

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-356374.html

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  4. #4
    Chop Chop Axe.'s Avatar
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    Re: That's Entertainment

    Well I must say this piece was pretty dope man, i liked your imagery alot and theats what made this piece stand out, it also had a unique flow in which you always come with thats pretty impressive to me that you do it conistently, I'm not sure if this took you alot of time but the rhyme scheme seemed to be very thought out also almost every stanza has a compact structure that are almost all equal, it looks very neat in other words. The concept was very good, you stuck to your topic you know? everything was about entertainment and you didn't drift off into writing about something else, and thats a problem that a lot of writers have, I tend to have the same problem, but here you displayed that you can stick to your topic and concept, and have a main point and include it in your plot with a good flow at the same time.


    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet
    Celebrity scandals, attention held for ransom
    Another old man lends a gun to his grandson
    Another country of innocents are blown away
    Another rehab from heroine and novocaine
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    WOW, that was freakin dope man...the first couplet was so great and flowed so well, and then the second just finished it off and rolled off the tongue so well, I don't know why but it was my favorite part of the piece, just the way it rolled off the tongue was just so smooth and dope man.


    Yea man you really ripped it on this piece dude, surely not a waste of time to read this, it's really a great piece; Johnny keep dropping the heat dude, I'll keep feeding it.


    yurp.
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  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: That's Entertainment

    I never read any of you work but now that I've did pm me if you want to collab man.This piece was fucking dope I'm going to nominate it after I leave this feed dude good job.The flow of this was pretty vivid everything was on some type of rhyme scheme.Imagery I have to agree with what Fazeek said it really was the stand out in this piece.Nice vocab you didnt come to simple in any areas.This was entertainment all the way,nice concept it was fresh,and creative the way you went upon attacking the topic you picked.


    The glare of spotlights and pre-written punchlines
    Base speakers, written rhythms and bunched rhymes
    Smokes and mirrors, ghost artists and stage shows
    A never-ending river, always the same flow
    and that's entertainment... that's entertainment
    ^This is what I mean you came pretty nice in this quote you was on topic at all times and the flow was always on point,and you never got to simple,very nice.This is not the only quote I would post up but I didnt want to post up the one Fazeek did because I would've just had to quote him because he pretty much said it all nice job overall on the whole piece pm me for a collab and I will shot some ideas at you.........Hof nomination from me.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-356086.html

    ^also leaving some feed on me and Tim's collab would be very nice.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  6. #6
    ima hustla homiey
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    Re: That's Entertainment

    First off!
    I like this peaice. It was pretty enjoyable, and a good idea overall. The closer on each stanza kept the subject in my mind throughout. This is the first of anything ive read from you, and i i like it alot. I think you had some nice emotion in here, .. the rhyme scheme was sort've plain, but the flow was still on point for the majority of the written. good shit.

    check it,

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet
    Watching the news, there's another crisis today
    Another health scare, dictators are hiding away
    Another 6-pack to be drained to numb my mind
    Reality TV at 7? Well, that's fun and fine
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment
    Good opener, i like how you use alchohal to forget about all the bullshit, and everything that goes public on the news. This had some good imagiry.

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet
    Hitting the park, football games and brutal fouls
    Smoking joints, resting on grass, shooting clouds
    Nonsense philosphies, irrelevant, but crucial now
    Remincising on the jobs that we do so proud
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment
    Not a bad stanza at all, again.. You had some alright imagiry in here. I can picture were you are, and were your chillin. I have a image in my head of what everyones doin and how they're doin it. Way to keep the flow nice too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet
    Dogs barking, scaring children and car alarms
    Insomnia strikes again so hard it harms
    Drunken athems past your window at 3am
    Wait til the morning for the world that i'll see again
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment
    I don't know, i wasn't really feelin this stanza, the flow got a lil choppy in one spot, and i think the wording was a little off on some lines. But you've still kept it fresh so far.

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet
    Celebrity scandals, attention held for ransom
    Another old man lends a gun to his grandson
    Another country of innocents are blown away
    Another rehab from heroine and novocaine
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment
    I really like this one espeically. It has alot of truth in it, with the scandels and what not.. Always happening into todays society. The old man handing the grandson a weapon, but yet people still act suprised. This was good shit man, the imagiry was sick.. and the flow was on point. Good rhyming too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet
    A scarlet starlet showing flesh in a gossip mag
    Your team lost again? Oh man, what a drag
    Preachers on pulpits giving weekly enlightenment
    The fad diets and the dresses too tight to fit
    That's entertainment... that's entertainment

    The glare of spotlights and pre-written punchlines
    Base speakers, written rhythms and bunched rhymes
    Smokes and mirrors, ghost artists and stage shows
    A never-ending river, always the same flow
    and that's entertainment... that's entertainment
    The first stanza i didn't like very much, but the ending was perfect. I really like the closer, ending it with a statement, and not an opinion or a question. Real nice.

    Overall - I really enjoyed this peice. I think you had a good concept to roll off of. Throughout the entire peice you kept the rhyme scheme a little simple, i say you should add more multies, that way the flow is iller. I meen, even tho the flow was on point the whole time, there was one or two bars that got a little choppy to me. The imagiry was outstanding though.

    Nice written man, keep it up.

  7. #7
    ima hustla homiey
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    Re: That's Entertainment


  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Re: That's Entertainment

    ha, this was coo. only thing i thought would of made it better was if you kept the lines going for 8 instaed of 4 before dropping the hook/chorus in,
    this piece was deftly written, and definitely had good character and feel to it,
    was very poetic as well, vocab and wording seemed near perfect,


    dopest bars for me was-

    A scarlet starlet showing flesh in a gossip mag
    Your team lost again? Oh man, what a drag
    Preachers on pulpits giving weekly enlightenment
    The fad diets and the dresses too tight to fit

    nice one on the whole stlye of verse,
    all in all this was a light, and "entertaining" read

    word
    .................................................. ......................

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