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Thread: Good or Evil

  1. #1
    Banned
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    12-1

    Good or Evil

    by: Lay Fear.
    .

    .
    My name's Dale, n I'm in jail..week in week out, no mail, n I'm still pale..
    ..blindly searching for success with a ego thats telling me to go fail..
    n I'm broke with no money..no bail, same ol' food..bland..its so stale.
    .my body wither's..its rotten, low visibilty..Im weak n my bloods clottin..
    'Shoulda never shot him,..appears a life sentence is all I'll ever accomplish,.
    .I'm a liar, but I'm modest..how could this be it?.."dig here!",or.."wash this!".
    N' my daughter's innocent picture is all that drives me..my little goddess.,
    ..now baby close your eye's, you don't need to watch this,..
    I still have doubt..Im asking!?..begging..questioning where god is!..
    .but the devil's made it apparent what my job is..unveiling what the plott is..
    ..he's been schemin'..desring to be a angel..but I'm descending to a demon.
    'I've realized I'm worthless..once blind but now I'm aware of a purpose,.
    .Tryin to escape eternal damnation,.but Ironically being recruited into service.
    'sigh'..I'm waiting, n I'm nervous..why must' I be the one to deliver the verdict
    .my stomach's churnin,..heart beating rapidly, feels like my body's burnin..
    I've been transformed,.from a lost cause..to pure sin, should I be turned in?,
    ."yeah?'.."no!"..?, I can't be certain..I gotta choose now n close the curtain,
    build my character on principles?..or burn em' I'm an inferno..but split in two
    ..good or evil? conversing or debating..I'm not sure which side to listen too.?
    I wish i knew!..have I been lifted? dude..my entire soul is being twisted thru.
    ..then it dawns on me, why am I forced to select a side..a choice, a path?.
    'Take the life of another at the will of the devil?..given into his voice n wrath.
    .Should I be subject to such desicions.....................
    'I poise an laugh..an smile,..a aura of light consumes me like a poison gas,..
    ..I can't beleive what I was considering,..Just glad that I avoided that,.
    The devil overcome?..his voids collapsed,.defeat?"ha" that 'boy's surpassed.
    .Im a man..amazed, still overjoyed, an relaxed..now I see the light nearing,.
    I could had took a turn for the worst..I'm reformed, the fights dissapearing
    ..noise's..voices im hearing, My cellmate Curtis is coming close..im lying still.
    a chill runs up my spine..confused,.he was the one I was suppose to try n kill
    ..doing the bidding of the devils kaniving will,....
    he approaches me,..an requests me to stand face to face an start focusing
    .his eye's spired, swirling, an transluded to red."Curtis!?,..are you joking G?!".
    he blinked..an I studdered..he wildly start choking me..'I coulnd't breathe!..
    ..my dim eyes caved under pressure,..I coulnd't see,..
    I think something was poking me?..a puncture, a wound?..how?..
    .My world went black an hazey,..I felt my skull crack..
    ..an my surroundings started fading..a brilliant shading of red..
    was my life just me delaying the end?..I thought I was portraying a mend..
    I left myself vulnerable..I made a choice for god to save me?..
    Instead I'm left stranded, thought he would protect me..
    but..how could he betray me?..
    ...........
    .......
    ....
    ..
    .
    Dale was found dead, beaten to death by his cellmate Curtis moments later..

  2. #2
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    Re: Good or Evil

    I'll have links up asap.

  3. #3

  4. #4
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    Re: Good or Evil

    I think this wa hott....honestly...
    it had a lot of things covered
    vocab,rhyme scheme,imgery,andConcept......
    i give this rhyme a 10/10......well-written with a great story behind it.....
    hof candidate told a great story....like how he became cellmates with the person he tried to kill...that was stellar cause while you're reading it its like "Is dale hallucinating cause he killed Curtis didn't he"....it gave Dale a psychotic edge with his already unstable characterization...
    tight post....keep posting...
    loved this...
    Favorite lines were:
    noise's..voices im hearing, My cellmate Curtis is coming close..im lying still.
    a chill runs up my spine..confused,.he was the one I was suppose to try n kill
    ..doing the bidding of the devils kaniving will,....
    he approaches me,..an requests me to stand face to face an start focusing
    .his eye's spired, swirling, an transluded to red."Curtis!?,..are you joking G?!".
    he blinked..an I studdered..he wildly start choking me..'I coulnd't breathe!..
    ..my dim eyes caved under pressure,..I coulnd't see,..
    deeply poetic and rhymed awesome

  5. #5
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    Re: Good or Evil

    Thanks for the feed man..I appreciate it.
    Glad ya enjoyed reading it.

  6. #6
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    Re: Good or Evil

    Can I get some feed on this..

  7. #7
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    Re: Good or Evil

    Dang..can someone leave some feed, any feed, idc..something

  8. #8
    Lyrical animal...H.M.I.C Man of Steel Man's Avatar
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    Re: Good or Evil

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-356374.html

    ^^^hit that if you will

    I thought this piece was aight...I could see some emotion coming out and you had some good imagery which made this composition a bit stronger...your flow was ok at times and sometimes the lengthyness of the middle words kinda threw it off a bit...I like the whole concept of how the guy kept listing good and evil points about himself and you depicted the struggle from within himself as he was trying to figure out where he stood exactly...all in all it was cool enough...cheers

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