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Thread: Reply Ta Dis, Way Betta Than Alla Dis Shit I See

  1. #1

    Reply Ta Dis, Way Betta Than Alla Dis Shit I See

    i kno sum of em missed me/
    i still stunt on ya missy/
    in my hood, niggas wave da pump 4 da snitches/
    like, it aint garbage day, but u'll get dumped in ya kitchen/
    check da loccs on da door/
    my flow is cracc, like a box of da raw/
    i'm ghetto, like a cardboard box in a store/
    and nah, i got no flaws/
    das da reason ya gurl wanna feel my cocc on her jaw/
    i'm often, bossin, lost in da war/
    i done things i wouldnt even confess to da preacher/
    teach me numbers, u a 10, i mess wit da teacher/
    all about my respect, so i'm respectin Aretha/
    mah, my rhymes is as fresh as my sneakers/
    and when u hear me, u expectin sum Ether/
    an I-pod aint enuff ta lissen ta me, u need ta get u sum speakers/
    speak up.../
    i can't hear u/
    and u wudnt hurt a fly, who fears u?/
    i shud get a caution sign on ma necc, be careful/
    i'll wipe ya tears babie, jus like window wipers/
    and i got da window down, after ma indo light up/
    anything i say is hot, like i travel wit a grill ta fry sum/
    but aint no hot dogs or charcoal/
    when we close ta da crib, me n da chicc roll like marbles/
    my vocabulary keep buildin like a carpool/
    u aint neva seen no kid on da site like dis/
    i got luv, so u luv me bacc, when i write like dis/
    stand out in da dark, wit sum bright nike kiccs/
    imma sex icon, so be careful, cuz ya wife like dicc/
    gettin down on her knees wus da price ta lick/
    i'm da prince, i go for more bars, like i'm tired of bowflew/
    i aint stoppin cuz i'm afraid if i retire, u go next/
    a new pinocchio storie, my dicc get longer when i lie ta hoes... shit/
    i'm like California, u aint neva seen such fire so lit/

  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Sep 2005
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    Re: Reply Ta Dis, Way Betta Than Alla Dis Shit I S

    Why did you skip your english lessons and jump straight on the computer.

    Edit: Just to follow rules and not freepost or be a prick i'll give you some constructive feedback. Firstly, try not t o overkill the gangsta shit...over time you'll get better and when you look back at your piece you'll cringe man. So for real, forget what you think rap is and educate yourself by learning about imagery, concepts/ideas and vocabulary. Once you've sorted that out you'll get better. Stay up^.
    Last edited by P. Mortuus; December 1st, 2007 at 08:11 PM
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Reply Ta Dis, Way Betta Than Alla Dis Shit I S

    ROFL, your spelling and grammer scares me.

    EDITED IN: Yeah, Cut the gangster bullshit. We may fuck around with that shit on this site. But the good writers never write about it unless we have a USEFUL or GREAT concepts upon it. Also, try using a powerful, corrected vocabulary. Use microsoft word or Dictionary if you can not spell a word right. Find yourself a flow or rhymescheme that can help you. Something we'll find catchy, make it constant but not rhyme after rhyme after rhyme. Use a imagery that can help us see the piece you're writing. Which means use metaphores, similies and descriptions to work it out. Use emotion in your piece. I can't help you with emotion because I haven't truly found that yet either. Other then that. You've got potential. Maybe you can elevate, maybe you'll just ignore the help me and Mortus are giving you. Keep writing though.

    [PS: make sure to get those two links of feedback on each piece you do]
    Last edited by Soule; December 1st, 2007 at 08:27 PM

  4. #4
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    38
    Posts
    5,316
    Battle Record
    15-10

    Re: Reply Ta Dis, Way Betta Than Alla Dis Shit I S

    well its all been covered here..if i jump your ass about the same shit it may deter you from elevatin..but p. mortus doesnt always reply to newbs..take his advice..and read some vets shit elevate from there....drop all tha gangsta shit..if you a gangsta..than you live it..but it aint all about that..there is more...either way..elevate.~1~


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  5. #5

    Re: Reply Ta Dis, Way Betta Than Alla Dis Shit I S

    thanx. i relle appreciate all da feedbacc i am getting

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