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Thread: $^!#

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Age
    35
    Posts
    135
    Battle Record
    0-1

    $^!#

    .
    .
    .
    This gaping hole I've fallen into feels like quicksand
    So hopeless as the seconds keep on stroking past the minute hand
    I've always seemed to lose the upperhand
    and watched as it crashed down on me.

    But I won't give up on apathy we'll be living
    happy afterly in a mansion on Mars.
    We'll be the only passing cars and we'll be waving
    as no pedestrians pass.

    We can live and work but never breathe together
    but baby, have faith in me. You may leave
    but i'll be here forever...
    Waiting patiently.

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    they seek him here, they seek him there, yet none can see me, even though I'm everywhere
    Age
    25
    Posts
    1,527
    Battle Record
    6-0

    Re: $^!#

    mansion on Mars

    lolz.. i like this,,,,,,,,the ending seemed a nit mushy to me.ha. forever is too long to wait is what im sating...


    anyway i liked a lot about this poem. u had a nice internal flow, so was a smooth piece, with some most interesting lines.......... ii just think the end lines could of brought the poem somewhere different as the end lines were not as interesting as the start and middle section

    good piece though

    pz

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