Capturing Whispers - Tim & Jonathon

[Jon]

Capturing Whispers
By: Tim & Jonathon



Capture whispers until the palms of my fists hurt.
Outlined fixtures begin to blister while I script words.
Write a recipe that'll test your dreams and passion.
Recite my destiny, then professionally send clouds crashin.
From the canvas above I must touch the sun and stars.
Freedom is love.. So I lock lips with the door ajar.
Voices float behind hands into the depths of thoughts
Choices soaked from my minds past that I haven't forgot.
Problems serve as building blocks to the sky's palace.
Solve 'em so all feelings stop.. Lost in times balance.
Maintain a vibrant walk while I travel paths of death.
Remain behind violent talk trying to gasp for breath.
Aggressive adrenaline turns impressive with a pen.
Obsessed with bendin limbs into lessons of grim sins.
Twist layers of steel with my voice and way with words
Grip thoughts concealed, a confusing choice among birds.
Wings flap through clouds and the skies dust.
Bring back soft sounds, break barriers of time's rust.

Write a whisper with emotions, showin` what you notice
Stop the oceans from flowin` & warm hearts when it's coldest
Put thoughts in your mind you never would have thought of in time
Let words of confidence build up the blocks that you climb.
It'll rain from the skies, like eyes when pain strikes the mind -
Deep thoughts reveal your suture, but your future'll blind your find.
Into an ear this hiss veers into darkness, that's soon bright
Scene's switch themes as sure as what gleams is moon light.
Smile for what you believe in and cling on to what you hate to love
Learn your life to the fullest and make it what you’re made of
Knowing me is poetry, and the rivers remain drenched and flowing;
My tree-like stature took a hit... Then clenched to growing!
One word could hurt; two or three could make or break a few -
A whole herd of whispers could probably exhibit a safer view.
Exposing fake dues, our whole world is covered in late news
Like how evil's luring you in just to later smother n' bate you.
Vegetate your mind with common-knowledge and rapture it crisper
The world's a wonderful place - only after you capture a whisper.

[Jon]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-351848.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ou-352012.html

[Saint Louis]

The wordplay on both behalves was nice. Placement and choice of words. Flow was flawless. Rolled right off of my tongue. Slick and clean. The imagery was brilliant. Loved it. Pained a few artistic images in the back of my head. Emotion was straight forward. Keep it nice and cool. Original and creative piece. Good to see Tim writing again. Good to read more from Jonathon. Keep writing guys, we should collab somewhere down the road. 100.

- Dagel

PS: Please Return the favor with "Hell Spawn". thanks for the read and feed.

[Jon]

uppin

[Broly]

The Imagery in this peice was real nice, i also liked the wordplay
on both verses they were nice, along with the rhymescheme
and vocabulary was on point through out the whole OM,
nice job on that, i really enjoyed it, because the emotion
was on point too, just nice work all around and im looking forward
to seeing more work from you guys.

-Amp.

[Jon]

uppin again pease..

[sILLable]

i liked this piece...the imagery was ill...the wordplay and vocab was mos def ill..everything flowed smoothly..very consistent...both verses complimented each other very well..all in all a very ill collab..i enjoy reading pieces from both of you...keep droppin tha hottness...hit up my piece titled no weed..thnks.~1~

[Engivale]

Pretty cool verse here, guys, I liked the second stanza better than the first, and I don't know who wrote which, but that's just my take...

Into an ear this hiss veers into darkness, that's soon bright
Scene's switch themes as sure as what gleams is moon light.
Smile for what you believe in and cling on to what you hate to love
Learn your life to the fullest and make it what you’re made of

^^that part in particular was pretty tight. The flow on this one is good, most of the time, but some of the lines are just a little stretched and it slows the rhythm down, that's my only problem with it is the scatter-brained syllable counts.

From the canvas above I must touch the sun and stars.
Freedom is love.. So I lock lips with the door ajar.
Voices float behind hands into the depths of thoughts
Choices soaked from my minds past that I haven't forgot.
Problems serve as building blocks to the sky's palace.
Solve 'em so all feelings stop.. Lost in times balance.

^^really enjoyed that part of the first stanza, it stood out conceptually...

It's kind of tough to understand exactly what you guys mean by capturing a whisper, it's like you both said it a couple times but I just don't know exactly what you mean by it... not enough direct references to what that is supposed to mean that I caught on to...

One word could hurt; two or three could make or break a few -
A whole herd of whispers could probably exhibit a safer view.
Exposing fake dues, our whole world is covered in late news
Like how evil's luring you in just to later smother n' bate you.
Vegetate your mind with common-knowledge and rapture it crisper
The world's a wonderful place - only after you capture a whisper.

I guess that explains it all pretty well, but "rapture it crisper" is forced, haha, it's like you knew how u wanted to end it and just forced it out somehow... anywho... fun read, some iffy lines, but many more good ones.

[Jon]

lol thanks eng.

yeah second was mine first was tim.

you were right about the ending... =(

I couldn't think of anything so i just jotted somethin down, i kinda just wanted to get this piece out there because i havent dropped an om in a while. thanks for the feed though.

[BE BRAVE]

I enjoyed this very much The vocab was catchy and the flow was superb...
the imagery was perfect I also like the picture...but I'd say 8/10

[Jon]

thanks.

[Judge Judy]

hmm, more hencemen, haha nice...i like how you guys are always down to collab, and you always pull through with an enjoyable read, i actually read this the other day, as i do most pieces, but tend to forget to leave feed
but now the time has come, im in school, and can use another good read.

fuck, the bells going to ring haha, ill finish the feed when i get to my next class. sorry guys.

[Judge Judy]

hmm, more hencemen, haha nice...i like how you guys are always down to collab, and you always pull through with an enjoyable read, i actually read this the other day, as i do most pieces, but tend to forget to leave feed

i have to disagree with eng, i thought the first verse was a bit better in my opinion...but dont get me wrong, they were both written well thoughtout...2nd verse was a bit streched, and it did throw off the rythm for me, not to copy what eng said, but it did. dont take it the wrong way, it was still an excellent verse, just threw the flow off a bit, i really liked these parts.

Put thoughts in your mind you never would have thought of in time
Let words of confidence build up the blocks that you climb.
It'll rain from the skies, like eyes when pain strikes the mind -
Deep thoughts reveal your suture, but your future'll blind your find.

good job on 2nd verse......1st verse was dope, i dont even know who wrote which verse, but good job...i REALLY like how you started this off...

Capture whispers until the palms of my fists hurt.
Outlined fixtures begin to blister while I script words.
Write a recipe that'll test your dreams and passion.

sick, the multies/word placement/word choice was excellent, you really grabbed my attention....you kept a constant rhythm throughout the whole verse, and it really rolled off my tounge, this part was great too.

Problems serve as building blocks to the sky's palace.
Solve 'em so all feelings stop.. Lost in times balance.
Maintain a vibrant walk while I travel paths of death.
Remain behind violent talk trying to gasp for breath.

great job, whoever was the man behind the pen for this verse.

overall, well executed/written collab, it seems you hencemen really get the job done when it comes to writing, big ups to you both, hope to see more from you two.

when you can, check out the merry go round, until the devils in town

thanks for the read, Pz

_morph

[NiNjah Red]

wordplay...... flow..vocab------- and rhymes was off da wheezy from both spitters------------ multies was coo n kept me entertained fo # wheezy ma neezies......... a lot of expert poetry and interesting statements from both yalla mofuckers. all in all a neat and interesting poetic joint.

fa sheezy.1

[Jon]

lol thanks