Day of Judgement

[Tragic]

This is to my father who wasn't there for his kids
Your the reason my life's fucked up like it is
What would my life be like if you was there for me
Stopped me from smoking pot, and drinking Hennesy
Maybe all I needed was a good male role model
You thought of yourself instead of your two boys and baby daughter
There's a lot of shit in our lives that you missed
That's the reason that im so fucking pissed
What did you say when I fucked up and did a bid
You fucking claimed "He aint my Kid"
I've been watching your daughter grow to a lady
Last time you seen her she was just a lil baby
Where were you the days I went to court
Wheres the money you owe for Child Support
You left my mother to support two kids on her own
IT'S YOUR DAMN FAULT I COME FROM A BROKEN HOME
You couldn't pick up the phone or write a goddamn letter
But instead now your looking down the barrel of my beretta
In the past 12 years I've come up with a plan
To take your life with the blame of my hand
But now you got an explanation a story to tell
Save it Motherfucker you can tell me hell
My eyes closed with blackness consumes my pain
Soothing thoughts, Warm blood, Im past INSANE


This is your day of Judgement, For everything you done did, You screwed me over, You fucked with the wrong kid, No way to stop it, No way to save you, this is the last thing I'll ever say to you, I fucking hate you
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Just something i wrote awhile ago, i used to come to this board (i think it was this one) back when they had some kid runing it called Shadow, and his admins were Decapitate Neccs or something, but its good to be back, just wanted to share this peice. Keep elevating y'all. Later

[Emily]

Don't shoot me. I know it's an oldie, but its a goodie.

I love this kind of writing. Sad story but written so well.

Just letting you know, years and years after the fact, this still does it.

[143]

definitely getting the emotions in this. This was written from a personal place rather than a poetical view. The direction, the cadence and the rhyming of it points to that personal place. It's not bad at all but it's kind of hard to put a critique to a writing that has so much emotions in it that it may devalue that point of view or that drops basis. But I would like to see something where you are writing as a poet and not from a personal aspect. Keep dropping.....respect..