"Neverending Rain" - Jonathon & Opus.

**Jon** · October 7th, 2007, 06:19 PM

Neverending Rain
By: Jonathon & Opus.

Salty - contrasting with the ocean;
vast and open,
traction lessons.
Intensity intensly increases,
gaining more species
of grief.
You see me -
stressed and pressed,
obligated to move on.
Rock hard words collide;
with my, fragile skin,
puncturing it.
Now it's bleeding through;
through my confidence,
and now there's
blood all over my pride.
I'll take the 'hard ride',
the same one I've rode on,
since the beginning of my time.
Quotes float to mind,
re-minding me that -
"keep your friends close,
keep your enemies closer",
they forgot the closer,
the part where they mention
your closest friends -
screwing you over.
I've had it up high with this,
around my eyes it fits...
To bad I can see;
I wish I could breathe...

Words that hurt deep
press me -
as I continue to weep.
I never understood
how you could.
Seeing your faces
brings memories back to so many places,
where I always felt the same.
Like neverending rain,
there's no escape.
No light peeking through the clouds,
only despair takes over.
No way over the giant mounds,
as I bury myself deeper.
Looking for a way to block out the sound,
no friends are keepers.
Not a true friend is yet to be found,
and the rain keeps falling down;
pouring harder.. and harder..
I feel like I'm going to drown
as I struggle, the surface becames farther,
I can struggle no longer!
As darkness comes into sight -
I think it's over...
I can no longer fight,
and I find myself floating;
no longer underwater.
I see the sun peeking out from the clouds
It's rays reaching down to me for the first time
The neverending rain has an end after all.

Jonathon - First Verse
Opus. - Second Verse

**Jon** · October 8th, 2007, 10:03 PM

uppppppppppppppp

**Jon** · October 9th, 2007, 11:25 PM

ok. thanks for the confidence you've given me by replying to all of my works.

ghey.

did i not say i'll rtf? don't i say that every time?

fuggit.

**Liret** · October 9th, 2007, 11:44 PM

Alright, the piece was exilerating if anything. With my best guess on the line, I'd say that Jonathon was first and Opus was second. And if that is the fact then let me start with WRITER #1.

Your wording was just right. And the flow was cool and flowed very well. But I felt the imagery & emotion was lacking just a tad bit. And when I say a "tad bit" that is what I mean. You had lines that painted a master piece, abd you had lines that scribbled a drawing. You had lines that made me feel the writers emotions, and you had lines that just made me sit here emotionless. Your best lines were,

Rock hard words collide;
with my, fragile skin,
puncturing it.
Now it's bleeding through;
through my confidence,
and now there's
blood all over my pride.

Your beggining ..ehh, maybe four lines were weak in the case they were bland attempts to punchout some imagery. But I could see effort and I have a feeling you know you could do better. So anyways, keep writing and working on your imagery and emotion. The rest was just fine.

As for Writer #2. It was just flawless friend. Your wordplay wasn't too simple and wasn't too OUT done. It was just right in the sense it helped keep a standing, line walking flow to it. Very poetic man. You painted me a master piece, you made me AHH in emotion. Very nice done. Keep writing.

Now, if I mixed the verses and artists up. I appologize. But you know who you are and you know what I'd like to either see or have elevated by the next read. Thanks for the read, keep writing and return the favor as planned.

"The Battle."

would enjoy your feedback. Keep it up gentlemen.

**Jon** · October 10th, 2007, 08:00 PM

thanks

**Liret** · October 12th, 2007, 12:24 PM

And thanks for returning the favor.

Need a link?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=5996969

**Jon** · October 16th, 2007, 08:26 AM

yuuuupppp

**Know-It-All** · October 16th, 2007, 01:26 PM

Right off the bat the first stanza was very very dramatic and had beautiful images I love the way the words blended together to give my eyes an orgasm. The first stanzas vocabulary was great, also the word choices used were great too I have no complaints about the first stanza.

You see me -
stressed and pressed,
obligated to move on.
Rock hard words collide;
with my, fragile skin,
puncturing it.
Now it's bleeding through;
through my confidence,
and now there's
blood all over my pride.

I am not the biggest fan of rhyme scheme in poetry but in this piece it works. Also the images jumped out especially in the part above.

the second stanza was amazing, the wordplay was very thorough and like Liret said not to out done. I really loved the emotion. The images were insane , the second stanza was my favorite of this piece. The wording in the second stanza was great and I really love the structure of both stanzas Kind of reminds me of a waterfall or rain falling.

Seeing your faces
brings memories back to so many places,
where I always felt the same.
Like neverending rain,
there's no escape.
No light peeking through the clouds,
only despair takes over.
No way over the giant mounds,
as I bury myself deeper.
Looking for a way to block out the sound,
no friends are keepers.
Not a true friend is yet to be found,
and the rain keeps falling down;
pouring harder.. and harder..
I feel like I'm going to drown
as I struggle, the surface becames farther,
I can struggle no longer!
As darkness comes into sight -
I think it's over...
I can no longer fight,

This part is my favorite part because the emotion mainly also the images was great. Except for a few spelling mistakes like "becames" or maybe it was meant to be spelled that way I don't know. But it was great.

Overall, a very exciting piece it kept me wanting to read more and I kind of wish there was more cause the words hypnotized me. I really loved the wordplay and images of both. Both of you are great writers and I look forward to reading more from you both.

please rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-350752.html