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Thread: Silent Storm

  1. #1

    Silent Storm

    Silent Storm

    So Watch me Die, as I Reach out these Bars.
    listen to the Devil's Lullaby, He Sleeps in my Yard.
    These tears that I Cry, Are burried Deep in my Scars.
    Real Fears never Die, They will always Creep from Afar.
    The Silent Storm is Brewing, God's evil side is Kickin.
    His Violent Form is Moving, To Us people, time is Ticin.
    True Hate Circulates Each Plate, then it Hits Home Base.
    Then its Too Late, Game Over, Cuz We can't Choose Fate.
    We decide not to Change, Til After the Fact.
    So go Lie to the Face, Then watch em Get Madder then Mad.
    Put your Hand on the Bible, And Tell em the Turth.
    Understand the whole Cycle, Jus to Sell it as Proof.
    Remember way Back, When Life was Great.
    But happyness never stays, The Light does Fade.
    Crime is God's dirty habbit, The Crooks and Violence.
    We all so use to the Noise we be Shook from Silence.
    We only think Bout the Power in Materal Figures.
    And now the Only real minds, Turn into Serial Killers.
    The Thunder and the Rain, Jesus gotta Hold on the Cold.
    I may be way under his name, But i still flow out my soul.
    Im now Burried Six Feet Deep, Holdin a Burden For Life.
    Still praying for the better, I throw my words to the sky.
    The Devil Grasps my Shoulder with His Hand, Im Damned.
    I jus cant settle with the cold in this land, Understand....
    Heaven has abandoned, I pray that it will come back singing.
    The day I liftt my head, Is the day i Run back Swinging.
    We gotta accept science, and we gotta do the math.
    We gotta form an alliance, to kill the devil and soothe his laugh.
    Because it keeps ringing in my ear, Bringing fear.
    He echo's in my head, til im dead, so i Sing to Cheer.
    We dont try to fix, We avoid the annoyance.
    The Wolf was Called to Rise, & I havent heard the Boy Since.
    His screams still echo, from the belly of the beast.
    Some Shit we gotta let go, to move foward, Hell must retreat.
    So we Rain on em, Cuz everyday Somethin', Gotta hit Bottom.
    So we Throw this Shit on em, Jus another War Faughten.
    After war.. Comes Peace, But God just doesnt think we are Worthy.
    Just like the Devil he's playin Dirty, Or maybe Its jus he aint Heard Me.
    To Feel Less Abrupt, We go and We Press our Luck.
    They say life is a bitch, Well ima Dress her up.
    Control what we can, Dont worry bout changing what we cant.
    Soul is so damned, From all the evil protrayin on the land.
    Form figures of the mind, to replace the evil that we find.
    The trigger pulls back time, To think about our crimes.
    But the Bullet is Loose, Fate lays in its Path.
    So Pull Tight the Noose, Hate Plays with my Wrath.
    Once you Love Something, You Love it For Life.
    Im Guilty Of Murder, Cuz my Bloods on the Knife.
    But Maybe Its Because I am a Victim In Crime.
    I try to Hold the Hands of Time, And Stick with its Grind.
    Im Sick in the Mind, I Cough Commen Sense.
    I spit out these Lines, I come from Rock Bottom Bitch.
    Everyone is on the Same Page, But I Read a Different Book.
    I Cry Through every Line, I Bleed Through every Hook.
    I see how you be Shook, I Feel the Electric Current in my Vains.
    The Devils Planning something, a Storm is Sturring in his Place.
    And My Worse Nightmare keeps Reocurring in the Rain.
    Ive become so Adapt to Hate, I Be Hurting from a Change.
    We all do Controdict, Do we Really Practise what we Preach?
    When the ILL gotta leave, we try to find Magic from Deseise..
    To Cure the Uncurable, To Open the Eyes of the Blind..
    We Look for the Better, Hopen we Can find our own Time..
    To Hold Onto everything, But We are all Washing Away..
    The Silent Storm is Here, And Im Lost in the Rain...




    PeaCe

  2. #2

    Re: Silent Storm

    uppin feed

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! six milez's Avatar
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    Re: Silent Storm

    that shit was mad deep. it is how im feeling at the moment. I like how you were kind of comparing god and the devil on some pastor troy shit, no disrespect, it was ill. this shit here was one of my favorite set of lines

    (We dont try to fix, We avoid the annoyance.
    The Wolf was Called to Rise, & I havent heard the Boy Since.
    His screams still echo, from the belly of the beast.
    Some Shit we gotta let go, to move foward, Hell must retreat.
    So we Rain on em, Cuz everyday Somethin', Gotta hit Bottom.
    So we Throw this Shit on em, Jus another War Faughten)

    that shit was crazy

    another joint i liked was this one

    (I see how you be Shook, I Feel the Electric Current in my Vains.
    The Devils Planning something, a Storm is Sturring in his Place.
    And My Worse Nightmare keeps Reocurring in the Rain.
    Ive become so Adapt to Hate, I Be Hurting from a Change)

    those were the lines that describes whats been going on in my mind..

    stay up
    HITMAN a.k.a. ASSASIN

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  4. #4
    Chop Chop Axe.'s Avatar
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    Re: Silent Storm

    You might want to get the links, and post them because I know you have them.


    Anyways this was a solid drop here, very descriptive in parts, but some of the couplets drifted off topic at points I wasn't sure what you were talking about.
    Quote Originally Posted by ×QueeN×eMCee×
    So we Rain on em, Cuz everyday Somethin', Gotta hit Bottom.
    So we Throw this Shit on em, Jus another War Faughten.
    I had no idea what you were implying here to be honest, but "faughten" is spelled fought, so it doesn't really work either, just a flaw but all pieces have them, unless they are thoroughly revised, which I don't think this was, you should lay off the slang a bit as well that would really better your vocab choice and increase your diction, or choice of words..w/e you want to call it.
    This is a pretty old concept that should involve alot of imagery, yours didn't involve as much as I would like to see but you will get better as time goes by, I say you have great potential so keep writing, but atleast you know the type of things to write about so thats a great start..
    CΛVEMEN
    Axe


  5. #5

    Re: Silent Storm

    It's been a while since I read something that made me say "Whoa"...but this did. I honestly think you have got a great deal of potential, and you display this in your imagery within the piece. You captured my mind, at least, with the indelible pictures you scripted, and really brought the topic to life...A stand-out section for me was this:

    We gotta accept science, and we gotta do the math.
    We gotta form an alliance, to kill the devil and soothe his laugh.
    Because it keeps ringing in my ear, Bringing fear.
    He echo's in my head, til im dead, so i Sing to Cheer.
    We dont try to fix, We avoid the annoyance.
    The Wolf was Called to Rise, & I havent heard the Boy Since.
    His screams still echo, from the belly of the beast.
    Some Shit we gotta let go, to move foward, Hell must retreat.
    As Phade said above me, there is some work to do with regards to vocabulary, however my advice is very simple: Try and elevate your vocab, but do not push it, .. instead of trying to warp a word to make it rhyme, think about re-wording what you've got to keep a sensible flow.

    All in all, I was impressed, bar a couple of points, however as I have already stated, I believe you to have a good deal of potential.. If you remain active, I reckon you'll become a good OM assett.

    Peace & God Bless.
    'Siah.
    ~*~Pure~*~



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  6. #6
    Harlem World
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    Re: Silent Storm

    Dude is sick wit the vocab.

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    "Harlem holds the Hoes By The Neck"
    "Despised Dopeness"
    "Todo El Dia"

  7. #7

    Re: Silent Storm

    Agreed, some of it is very impressive, but there is also a sense of keeping it appropriate.
    ~*~Pure~*~



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  8. #8

    Re: Silent Storm

    alrite thank y'all on the feed, if ya wanna get another veiw on my vocab my song little demon has better vocabs i think.
    thanks again
    peace

  9. #9
    Newbie Knightro's Avatar
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    Re: Silent Storm

    yep yep Queen! Deaf Star!

    like i told you before, this is raw, vocab, mulites. everything.
    luv ya Queen!
    Stay Up.
    pz.

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