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Thread: Time

  1. #1

    Time

    time
    against the grain
    love poems are burnt in heaps
    and flower beds are constructed
    to commemorate the absense of presense
    of all thought of every thought of you
    but I forgot to remember the thing I hated
    when you fell in flower beds
    and I covered you with the last
    black rose deconstructed dreams devour
    the glossy retinas of the past seventeen years
    when life was the end of all struggle
    and deviants became all worth saving
    but you forgot to remember the end of the last time
    but all of them were the begginings
    when alarm clocks put babies to sleep
    in yellow rooms filled with cigarette smoke
    exhaled fumes and the clanks of scales
    reflected your absence of color
    in plastic teething toys
    drenched in my snot choking on the end of all beginnings.

  2. #2

    Re: Time

    This was pretty dope. Your imagery was awesome in this one dude. Your word choice was nice and descriptive.. overall good read dude.
    Yeahhh

  3. #3

    Re: Time

    upppp
    Written Voices

  4. #4
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13

    Re: Time

    sweet and short piece, nice flow to it, it was actually perfect, i read and understood it quickly, yet it was complex. The structure was dope, great way to end it. the flower beds lines stood out to me, ur imagery was def there. I liked the smoke clog lines too. i'll def look out for more of your shit, abs.

    return favor, plz...
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-347757.html

  5. #5

    Re: Time

    Thanks
    Written Voices

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