topic:missing you
unlimited lines
Silenced
TayTay
topic:missing you
unlimited lines
called her a hoe and told her to go said my love was fake
but as i grow old i cant let go and regret my mistake
our past was bleak, lived down the street liked her too
my reaction was weak, i couldnt believe she was gonna move
if felt right, we had got in a fight i was really mad
when she left sight, i thought all night and became sad
i was a disaster, i tried calling her after, listened to our song
she wouldnt answer and i eventually foundout the number was wrong
i didnt like feeling like this, life is a bitch, and i was angered
but then i saw her pic started to reminisce and felt better after
i was having my doubts, i couldnt find out if she felt the same
then i went to the place we first hungout and saw something strange
there was a sign on the dirt, i cleaned my eyes with my shirt
then read the writing again to see that it said "To Marcus the jerk"
for a moment there was no sound, looked out and there was no one around
then i quickly got on my knees and dug a whole in the ground
i stared to dig, past some rocks and a twig, there was something i saw it!!!
it was a box not that big and our picture was on it
i thought it was a joke, but deep inside i was stoked
i nearly choked, when i opened it and inside found a note
it was from her and i nearly fell dead, i nearly hit my head
i opened it up and it said
went back to house, to look for the blouse, and was dreadedOriginally Posted by Dear,
Marcus
when on the floor was a mouse and the number inside was shredded
tried to put the paper together, couldnt get it but still tried
then he finally gave up, broke down and started to cry
got the papers put them in his pocket, and went home that night
when he arrived home, he promised to look for her the rest of his life
.
.
.
the poor fool spent 30 years searching, for the woman he loved
but then one cold December night his body gave up
he died alone, with a gun shot to the head, he was a mess
the police came and in the autopsy they found a note near his chest
it said my love i coulnt find you on land, so i killed my self December 7
and gave up my search in land to continue searching in heaven
till this day the search continues...... will he find her?
Missing You
As the stars fade away,I go off in a daze
wipeing the tears off my face,because I think I am a discrace
seeing you going away,leaving me without a notice
one day your still here,the next day its hocus pocus
you dissappeared in thin air,it felt like an air of mist
just thinking if I was awake,could I get a last kiss
cuz you know you'll really be missed,I got you locked in my heart
and it would feel like a broken puzzle,if our love would fall part
cuz its just another memory,tooken down the lost road
and now the time is getting old,are you gonna take away my soul
or are you gonna make me feel loved,like we were in a bed of flowers
but I see you going back,to that a abusing coward
who left scars on your skin,made you cry everyday
he was a raging alcoholic,who didn't have his life made
always depended on his mother,cuz he couldn't keep a job
why would you want to be with him,if he can't even pay the cost
I've kept a job for 3 years,and I got money to support myself
and I want you to be in this life,and not getting beatin with the belt
because you can live better than that,you weren't rasied to be abuse
you were rasied to do better than that,and not being used
but until this day I'll be thinking,will you come back to me
so we can grow up,and start a family tree
.Silenced.
This battle was one sided IMO..Silenced you really didn't have much consistancy flow wise..I mean no Internals..no multi's or nothing..it was to simple...and Tay came with it as far as flow and the mechanics of a Topical..Tay had the better take on the concept..and the more entertaining drop...And he even had a more indepth approach than you did Silenced..I just think you should have taken your time...and planned your write..so..
v- TayTay.
bumping this for votes.................................leave links i'll hit em when i see em........
Honestly?
TayTay: I didn't like your wordplay. It was WAY to weak and simplistic in my opinion. You didn't up it to any higher level then what you'd see a elementry student using. It was basic. The flow and rhymescheme was weak as well. Also really basic and after a while just became boring. Like a old, childrens nursery rhyme or something. hoe, go, cold, so. It jsut bored me to death. The imagery was alright. Story was OVERUSED. The emotion was bland and overall I dis-liked the verse completly. Sorry, I've just seen you do better.
Silenced: Don't get me wrong, yours wasn't much better then his. But at least I wasn't 100% bored with your wording and flow. Thought it was a little better, the wording could have been MUCH better. And the flow seemed choppy at most points. The imagery was nice. The Emotion was cool. And the story was slightly more enjoyed then his. Though still not too much of a joy at that. overall I think you too a close win from a weak battle.
Vote: Silence. Weak battle though.
Tay Tay = DQed for giving feedback on battles and refusing to poll his vote until someone votes on this battle.
Read the rules in the sticky in FL.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-346088p2.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=346488
[YOUTUBE]9QCvMp0rSxU[/YOUTUBE]
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