SplikityQuick
Silenced
20-40 lines
check ins due asap
pieces due by saturday at midnight
topics:
Skys the limit
Is this real
Memories of a Dying soul
Fork in the Road
Is love real
lost pieces
Is god watching
Hunt for the treasure
that all I could really think of off the top of my head
crew members can vote if the vote is fully explained
and all that other good shit
.Silenced.
heres my check g/l................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...................................
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10348&posted=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10348&posted=1
Last edited by Silenced; August 25th, 2007 at 02:55 PM
.Silenced.
check .................................................. ............................... g/l as well.
(ooc: I know I dropped this quick, but I like the ring of it.)
Is This Real?
Young kids, living on the street...
Walk for miles, dirt under their feet.
Old man, looking for a meal...
Eyes tell a story, I'm asking is this real?
Over in Uganda, kids are afraid...
Daddy keeps tellin' em "Just be Brave."
Black man called N*ger, white man don't feel...
I'm still asking is this real?
Mommies girl sits alone and plays...
While Israeli girl, cries and lays.
Teen in America texts his friend...
While Afghan wonders if her boy's dead.
When you hear this sh*t, how do you deal?
Simply... by asking is this real?
A dog is chained and beat...
Man treats woman, just like meat.
The dog cries, the woman screamed...
This isn't what Martin Luther dreamed.
We all think we understand, try and heal.
Yet why can't we see that THIS IS REAL!
...A baby cries, cries, and sleeps...
Young teen decides this baby ain't for keeps.
Bombs will drop... skin will peel.
We watch news and ask is this real?
Last edited by SplikityQuick; August 16th, 2007 at 08:05 PM
sorry double post
Is this real
what I'm seeing,Images of people dying
seeing people in the court room,with straight faces but they're lying
getting away with dangerous crimes,what is this world coming to
people are getting killed everyday,is their time due
for the grim reaper to take their souls,when they haven't even lived their future
cuz today if you say the wrong words,some people won't hesitate to shoot you
they don't give a fuck about their lives,they just care about themselves
cuz they are hungry for the money,cuz they will never see the wealth
most of them are just homeless,and got mouths to feed
but when it comes to their family members,they sit there and watch them bleed
what do they live for,if they don't care about others
most of them were raised alone,didn't even have any mothers
so they run the streets careless,carrying guns at young ages
but then they catch a murder charge,now they don't know what they are facing
a life sentence with adults,in a prison full of gangs
most of them don't last a year,cuz they either get stabbed or hanged
so I live life by the second,don't trust nobody but myself
cuz I want to live to get old,theres too many emotions that I felt
so just think about survival,before your life ends in a flash
cuz one minute you could be living,but it will probably be your last
.Silenced.
bump fuckers........................................... .................................................. ..................................
.Silenced.
votey plz............................................... ..............................................
bump again fuckers lol............................................... .................................................. .................................................. .....................
.Silenced.
bump.............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .......................
.Silenced.
vote fuckers........................................... .................................................. .................................................. .....
.Silenced.
S.Q.- I felt that you had a more poetic styled drop..your content was short and sweet..but i felt that you could have went deeper instead of the simple approach you took on this one.
Silenced.- I felt that you did take that deeper approach that I was looking for..and had the more descriptive drop as far as imagery and emotion are concerned though I was not fond of the flow in either drop..I felt that you had the better overall content and for that..
V- Silenced.
sq-like ntalek said your shit was very poetic and nice and all, but for these topicals you need more depth, your idea was very creative and would have been pretty dope if you put my depth into it.
silenced-yours way so so, depth was there somewhat, more than SQs but it could have been better, didnt like you structure either, kinda fuks wit tha flow
overall- battle goes to silenced cuz he had some depth, i was diggin what you were goin for SQ but there was no depth
Quick took this easily.......
honestly i liked it, it was a great poem, with dept and meaning
a great setup to the ending...and i was convinced of quick's
emotional attachment...to his words...i felt like it was a huge climax
from here....
The dog cries, the woman screamed...
This isn't what Martin Luther dreamed"
man i like it....keep it up
the other guy was sucking thumb or maybe just using rhyme skills
and common sense...to write something......just something
dude this just wasnt the right topic for you
First of all you guys should've wrote on different pieces instead of the same pieces. it wouldve been more intresting. anyways, Splikity Quick i feel as if i was reading a basic piece i mean not that much wordplay was used in the piece and the structure wasn't all that good. Also, you should choose a different font next time..lol. Silenced, i feel as if yours was very basic to but not as much as the other dudes piece. Yours didnt lack as much as his and i feel as if you could've did better but your imagery was nice.
my vote goes to silenced.
Grim85.
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