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Thread: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

  1. #1
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    Watch This.....

    It always begins the same way, they all play on the same page
    With staged delay that leads to rage and trash bins full of waste.
    These mangled and crumpled papers, I notice they plainly lay
    Contained of basic editorials the brain’s insanely caged.
    Plus I write with my girlfriend by my side, thinkin "Hey,
    Perhaps I ought a jot down all the brilliant things you say".
    I’ll scribble down the proud sounds poundin in my cerebellum
    And take note of clever anecdotes the way my mind tells em’.
    Still, my attempts are nearly short-handed and blunt
    As people talk behind my back and too in front of my front.
    When I manage to grow my fairytale fairly ripe and plump
    Weedin out the bad seeds then proceed to hype and jumps,
    Usually a lump comes on the side of my head
    Near the end until I finish or I give up instead,
    But I guarantee the final piece’ll be better than anything
    You ever read or even heard said from any Denise or Fred.
    (Watch me work)
    I’m either layin on my bed spread or bored as hell in calculus
    Or maybe simply slumber in my sleep to come up out of it
    With a cloud of ideas or incomplete images
    That mainly need emphasis on what it is my vision did.
    You see.....
    Words can do cartwheels, back flips, and summersaults,
    The only true conclusion’s when imagination halts
    Then the pen finally stops, “I hope the readers like my taste”
    No matter what the mirror still shows a smile on my face


    - King Tone

  2. #2
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    links soon.....
    - King Tone

  3. #3
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    - King Tone

  4. #4
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    Man I'm going to bed I've been up way to late, but I'm probably the only person in the history of the net that'll actually edit a reply back into this post when I get back on tomorrow. Honestly, how many times have you heard that...lol

  5. #5
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    lmao, well i don't think i've ever not seen you rtf or go back on your word so i believe you 99.9%, the other .01% is only because i dont know you in real life lol
    - King Tone

  6. #6
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    Hmmm this was a change from the depressing pieces i usually read in here (and write myself). Had a nice finish that made me feel good about writing, nice and simple here, could use some multies, you had alot of internal rhymes and that kept the flow going, but without the multies i can't help but feel a little bit of stop and go action. Seems like you just wipped this one up for fun. Good work man it was uplifting.

    It always begins the same way, they all play on the same page
    With staged delay that leads to rage and trash bins full of waste.
    These mangled and crumpled papers, I notice they plainly lay
    Contained of basic editorials the brain’s insanely caged.
    I’ll scribble down the proud sounds poundin in my cerebellum
    And take note of clever anecdotes the way my mind tells em’.
    ^^fav parts... the first 4 lines and that one line seemed to flow best, and i liked the wording in them for sure...

    Stay up.

    Twix.

    hit up Finding myself if you have a few mins.
    READ MORE

  7. #7
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    This was just a fun read that illustrates you mental state as you begin to write. Can't say its something i haven't seen before, cause honestly a piece like this gets posted on a monthly basis, but they're always entertaining to read and this particular one was no exception. You had an exciting scheme the entire way through and your flow rolled off the tongue as naturally as saliva, your wording was impeccable and your lyrics lively. Like I said, just a fun read from top to bottom.


    Favorite Lines:
    Plus I write with my girlfriend by my side, thinkin "Hey,
    Perhaps I ought a jot down all the brilliant things you say".
    I’ll scribble down the proud sounds poundin in my cerebellum
    And take note of clever anecdotes the way my mind tells em’.

    ^Wording, wording, wording, your wording is perfect. Just a nice sequence of lines bathed in dope flow.


    Also:
    When I manage to grow my fairytale fairly ripe and plump
    Weedin out the bad seeds then proceed to hype and jumps,
    Usually a lump comes on the side of my head
    Near the end until I finish or I give up instead,
    But I guarantee the final piece’ll be better than anything
    You ever read
    ^Cocky mother-fucker ey? ((lol)) Nah, man I don't think your cocky I just think your confidant and you should be, you have a ton of talent in your pen and this passage proves it. BTW - loved the rhyme scheme here, line after line of internals flowing in and out of each out. Dopeness!!!

    All in all Tony I though this was a short aimless piece about nothing in particular, but still a nice example of where you writing ability is, nothing to really qualm about here; just keep dropping scripts and I'll keep peeping 'em.



    pZ

  8. #8
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    thank you....always keepin ya word
    n twix, i'm just lazy but don't worry i'm rtf
    - King Tone

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! :: too easy ::'s Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    man, i liked the original piece, very introspective and it took a nice view of the writing process. the visuals presented were crisp and i felt like i was there while you were writing it. nice. i hope to see more as im fairly new, please hit up some of my writtens and holler at me there. big ups.
    i smash it, i dont harass it - ma im a balla i score and pass it

  10. #10
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    thanx uppin
    - King Tone

  11. #11
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    and this one....
    - King Tone

  12. #12
    Sick Rhymes freestylemaster's Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    this was pretty impressive you really cought my eye here. You kept the flow and you also had good vocab and multis. This is proly an A+ peice. Keep doin what you do.

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    ps. new thread hit me up http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...or-367929.html

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    -Crazy Lyrics-

  13. #13
    Comeback Season Mariah's Avatar
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    Tony, stop upping pieces from months back please.
    Wu-Tang Forever
    Nothing Was The Same

  14. #14
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    Re: Watch Me Write.....Just Watch

    why...i never used all my ups? lol
    - King Tone

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