1 Heart. 1 Beating

[Ntalek]

.
"1 Heart 1 Beating."


The eyes wonder upon things that are intriguing.
As it sends signals to physical parts in which you’re believing.
The reasons are simply relentless self achieving.
As your organs begin singing.
Breaths sporadic…convincing…perceiving
Babbling speechless speech. Upon the heart’s weep.
From life’s cheating capabilities
I now lie upon the marked sheep. Lead by wolves in dark heaps.
Only they’ll remember me.
As the eyes take a look at karma and alarms the
Arms of this charmer. Looks have killed my heart.
Yet if only they could love it ’d be smarter.
Harder yes but progress. intercepts these concepts.
as the heart's will become fresh. Reborn in the spirit
of the next. Victims of the flesh. Obsessed and oppressed.
Why'd the eye's never warn that? While the heart scorns facts.
Couldn't see threw all the worn acts. Imposter of love
fooled by your impact.

“Obsession is not Love neither Lust”

Now that the main goal is untangled.
The Stars and Stripes are seen upon your banner that’s spangled
My heart lies mangled. Signs unnoticed
even when the smoke clear's I'm still smoking.
I handle the anger from different angles.
Maintained not to be the same dude.
Well that’s at least what I’ve claimed to.
Every since I named you. Gave you the title
And that’s when you changed you. And took
Societies frame too. For the worse
Now noticing that the truth was first. It hurts.
The pain is simple. From the eyes to the heart.
Then the brain and temple. All the way down to
The veins and gristle.

“Trust Is Not Loyalty but Loneliness”

What the eyes have once found intriguing
Leading the body and soul to be confined in believing
Has caused You to proceed with futile lesions
When the heart beat has finally took a beating
How can you mend together a thousand shattered pieces
To a broken heart with a hand that is bleeding….

[Ntalek]

Links.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...dy-343999.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...do-344136.html

[.Silence.]

this was a pretty good piece here.I really liked how you opened this piece up cuz it open peoples eyes to keep on reading the piece.The Imagry was good in this piece cuz you can picture what is going on in this piece.And the emotion was aight but I think it could have been stronger in this piece I mean you didn't do bad with it,it could have been a lil bit stronger.And vocabulary you used in this piece is good I wish I had good vocabulary but I never really went to school so thats why alot of my stuff is so basic,But overall this was a good read from you you.Keep up the good work

[Ntalek]

Appreciate the feed Va. good look..Ups.

[SoFly]

I liked this one. This was one of the better pieces I've read on this site. Imagery was nice. Prolly the one OM on here that has more imagery then anything.

Now that the main goal is untangled.
The Stars and Stripes are seen upon your banner that’s spangled
My heart lies mangled. Signs unnoticed
even when the smoke clear's I'm still smoking.

I loved that part, it flowed well and the smoke imagery was cool. All in all this was a real good OM. Hope to read more from you.

[Domain 9]

This was a very emotional piece with great metaphors... I enjoyed it. It kinda started off slow and hard to get into but about midway it became more interesting.

Your flow was on point but off... What I'm sayin is, it might be the way your bars were laid out but the end of each line didn't rhyme right but if you continued into the next line until the period it flowed smoothly... I don't know if you actually have it laid out like you want or it's chopped up but that only applied to a few lines so no big deal.

The ending 2 lines were REALLY nice. Those were my favorite 2 and has awesome meaning to it... nice drop

2 Up!

[LedgenZ]

I know everyone is saying that they like this piece and this was a good drop. But honestly, I'm not sure if everyone is truly seeing this piece for what it was. This piece was CRAZY. Seriously, I feel like you have just now crossed over to the other side. I'd just like to welcome you to the 'Elite Writers Club'. Obviously it's not a real club, but if it were it would be by invite only and you'd be the guest of honor (lol).Anyway...your first couple of pieces were great indications of your skill and I knew you'd be someone to look out for, but after reading this piece you have jumped about 12 steps beyond what I thought you were capable of. Well, I take that back, I knew you were capable of ... just didn't think I'd see anything of this magnitude this soon. I mean it's not so much the emotion that captured my interest, it was more so the wording and the flow, but really just the wording. Everything just fit so perfectly, absolutely no filler with absolutely no show of force - just perfection. Perfection isn't a word I use often, BUT From a mechanical point of view perfection is what is was.
As far as your content goes..........WOW...............WOW............... .WOW!!!!!!!


Favorite lines:

As your organs begin singing.
Breaths sporadic…convincing…perceiving
Babbling speechless speech. Upon the heart’s weep.
From life’s cheating capabilities
I now lie upon the marked sheep. Lead by wolves in dark heaps.
Only they’ll remember me.
As the eyes take a look at karma and alarms the
Arms of this charmer. Looks have killed my heart.
Yet if only they could love it ’d be smarter.
Harder yes but progress. intercepts these concepts.
as the heart's will become fresh. Reborn in the spirit
of the next. Victims of the flesh. Obsessed and oppressed.
Why'd the eye's never warn that? While the heart scorns facts.
Couldn't see threw all the worn acts. Imposter of love
fooled by your impact.

That was just ill. Poetic and ill. 2 words that should never go together, they just don't seem right side by side, however, what other words come to mind? For me there's only Poetic and ill. so there you have it. Poetic and ill.

Also:

Now that the main goal is untangled.
The Stars and Stripes are seen upon your banner that’s spangled
My heart lies mangled. Signs unnoticed
even when the smoke clear's I'm still smoking.
I handle the anger from different angles.
Maintained not to be the same dude.
Well that’s at least what I’ve claimed to.
Every since I named you. Gave you the title
And that’s when you changed you. And took
Societies frame too. For the worse
Now noticing that the truth was first. It hurts.
The pain is simple. From the eyes to the heart.
Then the brain and temple. All the way down to
The veins and gristle.

^GODDAMN that was just a constant onslaught of perfection. 100% perfect. No comments!

Again:

When the heart beat has finally took a beating
How can you mend together a thousand shattered pieces
To a broken heart with a hand that is bleeding….

^I just loved the poetic nature of the end. And just the end in general.

All in all this piece was priceless, maybe I'm overreaching, maybe not. I don't really care what other's think. In my opinion this was as close to flawless as any verse I've seen on here. Dopeness through and through.


pZ


P.S. - if you have AIM get at me - we have to collab.

AIM: Renrouma

[Ntalek]

Always apprecitated Legendz...thankx Domain..for the RTF...TopS..leave links..I will hit them..

[Paramik]

Oh yeah I remember that pic

It was the noe you wanted me to clooab wit you on.

Lol on not getting anyone to collab with you

Ok this pecie was very good and deep but the first thisi thr flaws is the imagery. Its hard for peopel to grasp the concept of imagery when they have a pic to show. It was kinda hard to convey the pic and your writing a lil but but nonetheless it was a nice peice.
This peice flowed very well and the rhyeme sheme was solid and you had some ok multis with help carry on the flow
The emotion wa the best part of the verse it showed a lot for the beginging which I like and the end which came out better than expected
so overall this was a solid peice.

rtf on my topical battle.

[Ntalek]

Blah...feed....wut happpened to the break down...

[Paramik]

Are you dissing me Cause I don't Understand your lingo.

[Ntalek]

Are you dissing me Cause I don't Understand your lingo.

lol @ you thinking you're worth beeing dissed...

[Paramik]

Ok Now your pissing me off fuck you dude
I'm giving you some feeback and you come with shit like this.

[Ntalek]

ToPs.

[Ace of Aces]

This is hands down my favorite piece of yours bro. No wonder its already been nominated for HoF. this is definitely worthy. Much of this piece was full of insight. A lot of this open doors to a new perspective for me which is really what I look forward to when reading pieces. Middle stanza here was what stood out most to me in the piece, especially with the first bar. The content was spot on and the rhymes flowed like water man, great scheme even. Lot of thought was put into it Im sure and it was worth it man. keep it up and I expect to see more like this.