Ghost Dance

[Dyl]

Ghost Dance

The ballroom lights sparkle as we walze across
the old band hall.The sweet aroma of perfume
sweeps through my soul-almost as sweet as her
The music plays at a smooth soft tempo, as I
slowly move my arms down towards her waist
Indepth beauty shines through the subltle
darkness of the room.She is a diversion of
heaven, strolling through the undertone of life.
I was about to disembark a journey of the soul,
through a barrier of defined love, caught between
a sweet melody of love.The moment stands still in
my mind as I remember falling for those beady blue
eyes which made her whole face glow.Memories
seem to never grow old, I can still feel her pressed
against me.My body melting with nerves, with each
clumsy step-I was never a good dancer, but she
just smiled and brought me through a slower pace.


"...A force of strict illusion opened my eyes to greater beauty..."


Blue eyed boy meets blue eyed girl.In the sweetest
of circumstances,brought together as if they had
met in pastlife.A symphonic memorial to last
a lifetime of happiness-please let this music last forever.
I don't want this dance to end, what will become of
us when the music stops?I feel the music getting
slower....slower....and slower...the lights cut out!
I am left in darkness,I feel cold and alone, I crave
the warmth of the palm of your hand that connected
so perfectly to mine.We were partners, we were a
couple, we were forever!But now all is left is the
memory of our last dance, but the love still grows
inside of me.I do admit that I feel lonely, but hopefully
you are still dancing, under the spotlight that is so
rightfully yours.You were my compass to success
even when times were hard.I know you are always presant.

"I spent 50 years with the love of my life, I will never forget the first time we met....Under the ballroom lights"

[Dyl]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...it-343451.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ls-343449.html

[Dyl]

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[Dyl]

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[Dyl]

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[Spoken]

this is seriously being over looked?!...wow i cant see why it should be man great writer and an even great write here guys... this was real fluent and really out there and was really straigth forward...you spoke with a clear mind and did it with finessse adn flair to it and it never let up... it had me from start to finish honestly...dude i can't see why people keep dogging you you have been doing extremely well man.. now this piece was just a nice example man great read man and it was just on point props dude.


Nominating it
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-343961.html

[LedgenZ]

This is another one of those pieces you don't fully grasp until you reach the ending. I didn't fully understand the depth or the magnitude of this piece until I got to that last line. Once I got to that line though and all your wet imagery had a chance to soak in...man I was drowning in emotions. Seriously Dyl, this piece is the shit. the imagery was SOOOOOOOOOO on point, it was almost laughable...not ha ha he he laughable, but MUHAHAHAHA evil scientist laughable - straight madness! Your an evil scientist with a beautiful mind. I could so picture this entire story. It was the 1952 Little Miss Kentucky Spring Ball, you were wearing a skinny black tie with a short sleeve white church shirt - your Sunday's best. Your shoe's were polished and your hair was slick, you had 5 dollars in your pocket, just enough for 2 burgers, a plate of fries, a couple's milkshake, one straw, and a side of strawberry short cake. The rest of the guys were spiking the punch and you your busy being a wall flower....then BAM she steps in looking like the personification of heaven and beauty. She was a cheerleader, her daddy was the major, her boyfriend's name was Buzz - he was an All-American football player - a real ass hole type. You look at her, she looks at you, and your eyes' lock...time stopped, your entranced, she's entranced, you two slowly float towards each other like angels in the night...and right before you reach for her hand and asker her to dance....BAM!!! Buzz steps in! lol You know the rest of the story. I could keep going....but I'm just rambling. Anyway this piece was dope, everything was so elegantly written and magnificently described. Absolutely perfect!

Favorite Line:

Blue eyed boy meets blue eyed girl.In the sweetest
of circumstances,brought together as if they had
met in pastlife.A symphonic memorial to last
a lifetime of happiness-please let this music last forever.
I don't want this dance to end, what will become of
us when the music stops?I feel the music getting
slower....slower....and slower...the lights cut out!
I am left in darkness,I feel cold and alone, I crave
the warmth of the palm of your hand that connected
so perfectly to mine.We were partners, we were a
couple, we were forever!But now all is left is the
memory of our last dance

^Man I just love how you didn't take the obvious approach, you were just so original with the topic. There were no spooks or monsters in this poem, they only ghost was the memory of beautiful evening. I think what makes this piece so powerful is it's honesty, we've all had that dance before, for some it was in the club last night, for others it might have been Jr. High, but ever one has a memory of that one girl, on that one special night, and that one dance... and this piece just catered to that image. Beautiful!

Finally;

"I spent 50 years with the love of my life, I will never forget the first time we met....Under the ballroom lights"

^That just sort of summed it all up. Just great!


P.S. - RTF (The Minority) when you get a chance.


pZ

[Psuedo.]

i'll edit with feed after i use the bathroom haha, just letting you know i will.

[Dyl]

Thanks alot guys.I'll hit those links

[=]]

dang man this was pretty good, this is actually only the second piece that has really grasped me today that i have actually enjoyed your your word choice and imagery was just amazing man this was an emotional piece...
seriously strong emotion...

She is a diversion of
heaven, strolling through the undertone of life.
I was about to disembark a journey of the soul,
through a barrier of defined love, caught between
a sweet melody of love

^^^ the emotion is just amazing man.. i could really feel this one.
overall great read.. im glad i did.

[Tony B]

Dyl....I'm reserving this spot for myself to leave feedback because i have class at 8am today. i'll be back soon enough but i loved this piece to say the least

[Dyl]

ok cool man, thanks for upping this and reading it

[Dyl]

anymore feed to be given?

[Orc]

Well, pretty fucking original my Irish comrade. The fluency of the english in this was dope, I mean, the way the poem flowed without rhyming, just rolled off the tongue, was brilliant. The syntax was nice in this, in both of the pieces I've read of yours you always have great wording. There were some spelling mistakes in this but they could have been typos so I won't fault you for that. But yeah, the imagery really set the scene, made me feel like I was there, the emotion was strong too mate, I actually felt nostalgia. This was a really top notch poem mate, get at me about that collab.

[Laureate]

Thought this was beautiful. My only gripes are as follows.

The lack of a space after your periods.
The way you didn't use periods when the sentence ended at the end of the line sometimes, would like to see consistent.
The line "through a barrier of defined love, caught between
a sweet melody of love." I felt you used the word 'love' too closely together where it sounds awkward, and I felt yo didn't need to because it wasn't a stressed word or idea.

These are personal opinions of course, and I may be getting nit picky. Loved the line "Blue eyed boy meets blue eyed girl.In the sweetest
of circumstances" Such a fantasy/dream thing, course I got brown eyes
This was such a nice romantic poem, totally different than the normal lovey dovey poems that are usually dropped. Very nice Dyl

if you have time
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-355815.html