Jukebox Blues ft. Engivale

[Mariah]

Mariah
Engivale

Jukebox Blues
This is a story about a father and daughter, who decide to do some cleaning in their attic. While they are there, they come across a box of old Cd's and start to reminesce on the times and events that lead to this album being purchased. And it goes on...

We are Born to Run...

Political comments bound by medicinal nonsense
Breached walls of a heart that was God blessed
Stop stress, my father figures were never for me
This story of growth went pageless, forever boring
And a daughter I was then, no sign of hurt or hate
I was a freed bird only to find all the world's a cage
Turn to rage? I've expalined I don't need that hand
But turning days meant for yearning ways to plan
Came to stand alone and death, I wouldn't cover it
When covenants of Truth are held by a government
Freedom come to a sinner? - it's not the "in" thing
Disgusting, the mechanics of man...so contradicting

And it takes Sixteen Stones...

My lust is a sin when I'm drinkin' gin,
It must be your skin that I'm sinkin' in..
I blink and then my thoughts turn
To scotch I've earned with my hardships...
I'm off to learn why she was taught to spurn my scarred lips...
Bizarre trips taken by my mind now awoken,
I'm reclusive but I'll be used if my silence is spoken...
I'm up in the air ignoring something that's there
It's my fate but I'd rather depreciate than be rare...
I'm proud, I hope I'm not around when love's disallowed...
I dont wanna come back down from this cloud

To make 3 Libras...

I took a look at this life to find that it's crooked tonight
Shook by the might of living in spite of a foolish fight
That fight that I've brought upon myself in confusion
Healthy abuse is never so great if you're the one losin'
Forget the scraps, you can't stand straight with no food
It's old news when they've told you what you'll go through
It's so true too, my parents knew all that was in sight
But I was never wrong, yet still they were always right
Falling white skin on snowflaked soil, angels surrounded
Making announcements of malice - the earth is unbalanced

Ready to Die...

"Gimme the Loot!"
I'm in the pursuit of my dreams-
I'm stupid but still expected to be lucid it seems...
The new set of scenes is rolling fused by the screams-
Of gunshots where fun stops
Block parties are riots...
How bad do these drunks have to be to deny it?
I'm glad to be the proprietor but I'm not sure that you'll buy it...
Time's heavy design is bestowed to our graves, we
Know "I'm ready to die, but nobody can save me...
And owed money is laid at feet and still spent-
The sun rises even if you're the one who dies-
But your will's lent.
I'm a man and God's fair,
Even if he's through with prayer...
"Throw your hands in the air if you're a true player..."

"...Put another dime in the Jukebox, baby!..."

[Mariah]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ws-339424.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-339782.html

[Mariah]

um, uppin this for feed. this is too good for sleep.

[Soule]

Once again, an impressive verse from the young Mariah.

Now Eng don't get jealous bro. You impress me with every verse you drop. I'm a huge fan of your work. But she is my age and dropping Hall of Fame work left and right. You both carried a very strong and well followed wordplay. Which carried a nice rhyme skeme. You both explained the reasoning behind the story you were telling. And that is wodnerful. You both had great emotion which lead to a great storytelling. Overall I lvoed this peice. Another Hall Of fame nomination by Belligerant, you two deserve it.

Keep Writing.

Eng please RTf with my OM mic "Venom on the Fang".

[Mariah]

Thanks for the nomination, but I do want to say that I feel Eng did a better job than myself.

[Soule]

I beleive that is true. But it is a collab. So it doesnt matter who does better then who. You're working together and focusing on making the best peice ever with another person. That is all readers should look for, how theire chemistry is.

[Laureate]

eh, am I supposed to recognize the songs? I only recognizer the last line from Engivale

Anwho, I thought this was a decent collab, some of the rhyming, especially some of Mariah's internals, seemed forced and out of place, and a few of Engivale's lines were a bit long with the syllable count, but other than that I felt this was nicely done. I thought the imagery was average, and I didn't feel the piece emotional wise as much as I think you wanted the readers to. However on a technical level I thought this was ok for the most part. The line

"Healthy abuse is never so great if you're the one losin'"
was probably the worst line in the collab, I dunno how someone can have healthy abuse, unless it's constructive criticism, but then I dont know how you can be losin then. And it was too many syllables

Keep dropping you two

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-339913.html

[Know-It-All]

Mariah was impressive like it was said above. Nice flow and imagery and I really enjoyed the story you brought forth. It was very emotional. Your vocan was on point. I also really like how it flowed and I enjoyed your complemity with your rhyme scheme.

I took a look at this life to find that it's crooked tonight
Shook by the might of living in spite of a foolish fight
That fight that I've brought upon myself in confusion
Healthy abuse is never so great if you're the one losin'
Forget the scraps, you can't stand straight with no food
It's old news when they've told you what you'll go through
It's so true too, my parents knew all that was in sight
But I was never wrong, yet still they were always right
Falling white skin on snowflaked soil, angels surrounded
Making announcements of malice - the earth is unbalanced

My favorite part from you Miss.

Engivale, I really enjoyed your part in the story asd the father. Your brought emotion and imagery to an already solid story. I enjoyed your rhyme schme and flow. but Mariah rezally brought more. But I am impressed with you too.

My lust is a sin when I'm drinkin' gin,
It must be your skin that I'm sinkin' in..
I blink and then my thoughts turn
To scotch I've earned with my hardships...
I'm off to learn why she was taught to spurn my scarred lips...
Bizarre trips taken by my mind now awoken,
I'm reclusive but I'll be used if my silence is spoken...
I'm up in the air ignoring something that's there
It's my fate but I'd rather depreciate than be rare...
I'm proud, I hope I'm not around when love's disallowed...
I dont wanna come back down from this cloud

my favorite part from you.


Overall, I really really enjoyed this piece.good job both.

James W.

[Tim]

this was a very good piece that i see you guys put alot of effort into this Mariah has really improved alot and you can see this from the piece here. I liked the part you added about in the first verse the best. Engivale tied it up perfectly i love were people writing about drinking that always get me happy for some reason ive done that alot. The emotion here so on par too. Like laur said that seemed like that is were you where going with the piece but i think you got that messege across great job guys. It would be great if you guys could it up my piece. I am trying out a new style

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...an-339959.html

[Engivale]

"It must be your skin that I'm sinkin' in." -Glycerine, Bush, Sixteen Stone

"I don't wanna come back down from this cloud." This Cloud, Bush Sixteen Stone

"Gimme the Loot!" Gimme the Loot, Notorious B.I.G., Ready to Die

"I'm ready to die, and nobody can save me." Ready to Die, Notorious B.I.G. Ready to Die

"Throw your hands in the air if you're a true player." Big Poppa, Notorious B.I.G., Ready to Die


Just so you know. When Mariah gave the idea of the topic I wanted to try and incorporate lyrics from the actual CD's. Somebody had asked where all the lyrics came from and only knew the most recognizable, which is forgivable of course.

[Soule]

I figured that all out by myself

[Maven.]

What is there really to say? Four pretty dope albums (especially the first one) translate into four dope verses. I know you guys threw this together pretty quickly, and it probably would have been better had you two taken some time on it...but the fact remains that this was a very solid collab.
I found the father/daughter complex kind of weird...I think the piece would have been just as good without the explanatory storyline...
Cool work, you two. We need to throw some shit together.

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ou-340105.html

[Mariah]

woah...one more uppin...cmon people

[Bounce]

I agree with maven, there was little to no added value in the opening explanation. This piece did not need it... Both writers had some key lines that hinted at the musical source. Both writers did well at giving the reader everything needed for the story to unravel on its own.

I enjoyed the contrasting style of each writer, and thought Mariah did a good job on her verses. For the most part she held down the basics without loading her lines with fluff, so that is great.

Engivale always impresses me with his work, this time around he had some cool lines, nothing amazing but he did hold true to topic. I did check his verses count wise and do not see anything sticking out as mentioned by someone up there. I thought the syllable count was fine, it wasn't anything erratic or completely impossible to recite out loud. So, it fits well within this collab, IMO.

I enjoyed the last line in Mariahs first stanza the most of this piece. Smart and clever collab guys, done in a simplistic manner that captures the tone of a Father and daughter rummaging through old items in an attic, that to me is the key factor and reason I enjoyed this.