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Thread: Once Upon A Blue Moon

  1. #1
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    Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Bathing in an enchant’d silver firth of another eternity soon to pass,
    I grant’d homage to handsome clouds flush’d of rose-colour’d glass.
    Amidst the imperial timberlands and myrtle chaparrals I bath’d and pinéd…
    O perish’d moon, gliding adrift the fountains of Atlantis, art thou not mine?

    Thy celestial enterprise preserv’d on through a foreign silence beyond the obsidian sea.
    Art thou so distant? to ne’er unfetter the manacles of my essence as a nobleman’s key?
    To purge in thy mighty rivers, to reveal the sincerest of delights in thy luminosity aglow,
    Engendereth memoirs of a radial pipedream in royal snow.

    O cerulean marble, sound asleep in thy Delphian shrine,
    I beseech thee to attend me and lay bare thy grace of vitric rime.
    The ensorcell’d forest of time without end camouflageth the ring-tail’d roarers.
    The kitsune and nixes retreat unto the gardens of Arcadia leaving my heart that much sorer.

    I yearn’d through another eternity to frolic in the lupine kindred’s nighttide soiree…
    Herein our theatre halls of archaic euphonies, Sköll and Hati orchestrate our regal bays.
    My belov’d Fenris, art thou not as all-pervading and e’erlasting as the Kolmården Forest?
    As majestic and grandiose as the nightingale’s hymn chorus’d?

    The grand tears, those snaking and bracing streams,
    Branch into twain gurgling serpents neath the bridge of a sapphire moonbeam.
    Mournful blood sister Rusalka, thy despairing eyes hemm’d the winter’s insipid pale.
    The nostalgic anguish thou hast brook’d voyages alongside the sombre gales.

    Silent and lithe as a feline’s footsteps,
    Unto me those barreling shadows e’ermore crept.
    Lampades, thou art dead to all realms but the one underneath,
    Tonight thou shalt not dream; upon the viands of utopia shalt thy spirit feast.

    O e’ergreen willow intimating thy velvet whispers upon me,
    Shalt thy Victorian daughter Leuce carouse to our moonlit reveries?
    Lauding the exultant altar, our timeless empire, I caress an amaranth from Selene’s bloom.
    The mulberry petals appriz’d the amore of the Magna Mater’s endearing womb.

    A crisp zephyr piercéd my breasts neath the lunar embrace as a baleful halberd.
    Once upon a blue moon, I beheld the luring charm of thy unheard ballad,
    Serenad’d in crystal harmony only as lucid as the draping falls I cleanséd neath.
    Thy lambent shimmer was that of the cold-blood’d flamberg unsheath’d.
    .Wordz.
    Last edited by Wordz.; June 14th, 2007 at 12:24 PM

  2. #2
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    As you know cant post links so I'll name the the work I left feed on.

    Aim at Rebuilding
    Life without a beat
    Last edited by Wordz.; June 14th, 2007 at 12:38 AM

  3. #3
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Open for feed.

  4. #4
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Okay, i liked this, it was smooth, easy on the eye and nice and simple... although the thing i would point out is that poetry is freedom, therfor concerning yourself with a style that is cliche'd such as the shakesperian style can damage the feel of the piece... In this i thought it suited it quite nicely, but in other pieces it can really damage the emotion and imagery of the piece, especially if the setting is not of that time... the thing is as there is not alot of real poets here, alot of people will not get pieces like this, and when they dont get it they will merely say 'i dont like it' know what i mean? so i would also reccomend writing for a larger audience in the wording sense. But i actually really love this style personally, i mean it is classic... so nice piece.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Yeah I been here before Poeta demonio I know what you mean this was just something new for the real poets to understand classic as you said today I will drop RB est As I call it.

    Wordz.

  6. #6
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Well that ^ saves me saying do you have an alias lol, this was a nice piece my man...the emotion was solid and your imagery was good. The piece had a good length and you incorporated much detail into it, you didnt lack in creativity and your rhymescheme wasn't to shabby. Your usage of words was good and your range of vocabulary was nice aswell, a few grammatical errors unless you meant them but nothin to shout over. Overall good piece, stay up.

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  7. #7
    Verge the Great Masahiko.'s Avatar
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    I dissagree with Poeta, actually. Who's to say we can't have structure. Free verse is becoming too easy and with no bounds how is somebody suppose to challenge themselves? Oh sure, Poeta and artist like Laureate can keep racking up HoF nominations but really what is getting you a greater sense of poetry, and what is going to keep raising the bar for you? Now, this piece, in my opinion is amazing. I think we ALL should start ressurecting old styles of poetry and adopting them as the new style. How cliche' is it when EVERYONE is doing freeverse? This is a well developed and well structured piece of art and should be praised. The use of vocabulary and word choice shined throughout the piece and it really was different with the type of poem you chose. Couplettes I can only guess because it didn't follow a sonnet or anything else I'm aware of. In the end of this piece though, it seemed to fall apart from the strict structure in the begining. I'm only hoping that was just from shaking off the rust and next time things will be all around good.

    But, thank you for replying to my poem, and it was a joy to read yours. PM me about collabing in the near future?
    The Legion

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    HoF x5

  8. #8
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    If freeverse is simply a freedom of style and structure, then how can you define freeverse as cliché? Essentially, shakespearian poetry is still freeverse.

    Who's to say my style of poetry won't be defined as it's own 'style' in the future? At the moment it's just my way of writing, which is freeverse. It's the most diverse, it's the most challenging in more ways that i'd say you've thought of. Restrictions on a style might make it challenging but they also put a limit to the creativity. Freedom provides us the challenge of doing something new, yet understandable, with no boundaries.
    But yeah, i just think that if everybody wrote in styles that are only defined as styles because at one point, they in fact became cliché, then it wouldn't be as creative here at all.

    I think if a piece has been written with a defined style, then great - no need for fuss. But personally i write to accompany my thoughts, not to worry about who cares if i use a certain style.

    The piece was ok to read. The grammatical errors are minimal, where only critics will see them.

    I like and i dislike the same thing: You are using quite a modern vocabulary in alot of places, also alternating the expected line pattern to fit your descriptions better - which i'm not sure what i think of.
    I like it, because it shows a modern take on a historic theme.
    I dislike it because it's causing you to spoil a poem that could otherwise be a nice re-construction of Old English language.
    Sorry, not amazing amounts of feed because i'm half dead asleep, but i felt that i had to drop a penny in the hat for the discussion above.
    Bro keep your own style - keep it avant garde and don't let me or anybody change it. You should write to tickle your creative juices, to help you express yourself and feel proud of the way you are. I don't think i'd listen to people that try to tell me i'm cliché, because i'm not comparing myself with anybody else to see the similarities.
    You're obviously not new to writing, there's little room to complain about your grammar, punctuation, spelling etc. I appreciate that alot.
    I think a few different and alternating approaches to poetry could soon see you on your own two feet here pretty quickly.

    Good luck, sorry i didn't take the time to fully read it - but even if i had my mind isn't working well enough to have taken any in :/
    We can collab or something some time, just keep active and let me see some nice work! Keep writing man, peace.
    PE|WV

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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    i have been primarily a free verse writer for a while. but the structured pieces are certainly a little more fun to both write and read. this is a classic example. it is extremely captivating. easy to get lost in the imagery and the classic feel of the piece. a drop like this is always appreciated since so many cats are doing all free verse. just to name a favorite part real quick i would have to sayyyyyyy

    Silent and lithe as a feline’s footsteps,
    Unto me those barreling shadows e’ermore crept.
    Lampades, thou art dead to all realms but the one underneath,
    Tonight thou shalt not dream; upon the viands of utopia shalt thy spirit feast.

    definately my favorite stanza. much respect.

    peace
    The Last Level

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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Thanks open for a little more feed.

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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Uppinn.

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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    .............
    Last edited by Wordz.; June 18th, 2007 at 11:46 AM

  13. #13
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    My last upping If I don't get no feed I'll just go head and let it die.
    All these views with only a little feed.
    Last edited by Wordz.; June 17th, 2007 at 11:02 PM

  14. #14
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    I see your doing the old classical style of poetry an to be honest alot of things kind of wen't over my head...You explained the character emotions and what was going on around him and the setting with percise detail. Vocabulary very well suited this piece it's just i got a little board reading this, but take that to heart cause shakespear'ish type poetry tend to have that effect on me, idk it's just not my style of poetry.. but never the less this should deffently go hof if not further..
    Last edited by Constance; June 19th, 2007 at 03:06 PM

  15. #15
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Once Upon A Blue Moon

    Quote Originally Posted by Dat View Post
    If freeverse is simply a freedom of style and structure, then how can you define freeverse as cliché? Essentially, shakespearian poetry is still freeverse.

    Who's to say my style of poetry won't be defined as it's own 'style' in the future? At the moment it's just my way of writing, which is freeverse. It's the most diverse, it's the most challenging in more ways that i'd say you've thought of. Restrictions on a style might make it challenging but they also put a limit to the creativity. Freedom provides us the challenge of doing something new, yet understandable, with no boundaries.
    But yeah, i just think that if everybody wrote in styles that are only defined as styles because at one point, they in fact became cliché, then it wouldn't be as creative here at all.

    I think if a piece has been written with a defined style, then great - no need for fuss. But personally i write to accompany my thoughts, not to worry about who cares if i use a certain style.

    The piece was ok to read. The grammatical errors are minimal, where only critics will see them.

    I like and i dislike the same thing: You are using quite a modern vocabulary in alot of places, also alternating the expected line pattern to fit your descriptions better - which i'm not sure what i think of.
    I like it, because it shows a modern take on a historic theme.
    I dislike it because it's causing you to spoil a poem that could otherwise be a nice re-construction of Old English language.
    Sorry, not amazing amounts of feed because i'm half dead asleep, but i felt that i had to drop a penny in the hat for the discussion above.
    Bro keep your own style - keep it avant garde and don't let me or anybody change it. You should write to tickle your creative juices, to help you express yourself and feel proud of the way you are. I don't think i'd listen to people that try to tell me i'm cliché, because i'm not comparing myself with anybody else to see the similarities.
    You're obviously not new to writing, there's little room to complain about your grammar, punctuation, spelling etc. I appreciate that alot.
    I think a few different and alternating approaches to poetry could soon see you on your own two feet here pretty quickly.

    Good luck, sorry i didn't take the time to fully read it - but even if i had my mind isn't working well enough to have taken any in :/
    We can collab or something some time, just keep active and let me see some nice work! Keep writing man, peace.

    i must agree with DAT here and VERGE i completey understand and get were you are coming from with the fact of old school style adopting like robert frost shit and elizabeth barret browning and edgar of course but free verse is also a challenge man...i mean yes rhyming it was a challenge aswell to the mind cus if you complete such stanzas with rhymes at the end and then fall of a line later it kill the vibe and groove its paced at but see what poeta i guess if i may say is trying to get out is that rhyming shit it like limiting the expression a bit cus it gets kinda thrown out of propotion that your emotiona nd wording factor of creativity is being held a bit back cus you can't seem to find a rhymed word for the previous line that doesnt come out forced if i can call it that...?!...lmfao but this piece here by wordz was justa magnificent read man really something original cliche' to others but original to me cus he pulled it off getting the basic of complications out the way i mean it was easy to understand it went complexed when it needed to it draws the reader in to make them feel what your going through while you were writing this and i have ot admit man this has to be the latest read i have done lately that i have really enjoyed cus it was somewhat refreshing on how he came about it with his wriitng and style ya know and it made me happy to klnow that there is still great writers for others to learn from man.... i think his own written here was justa jubilant piece and we can all benefit something from this man ad writers ourselves if yo know what i mean man...
    the vocab here was modern yes but it wasnt overdone and nor was anything pretty forced man seriously i mean this is a great debate because its bringin out other writers and we are all voicing our opnions on this wordz your a lucky guy to even get verge poeta and dat and me to feed on this...not sounding cocky just sayin great comeback cus we love breaking shit downa nd debating..well unfortunatly only DAT likes to debate alot cus he has alot to say...lmfao...anyways man io love your style and your style is you so keep it up man

    Bathing in an enchant’d silver firth of another eternity soon to pass,
    I grant’d homage to handsome clouds flush’d of rose-colour’d glass.
    Amidst the imperial timberlands and myrtle chaparrals I bath’d and pinéd…
    O perish’d moon, gliding adrift the fountains of Atlantis, art thou not mine?

    Thy celestial enterprise preserv’d on through a foreign silence beyond the obsidian sea.
    Art thou so distant? to ne’er unfetter the manacles of my essence as a nobleman’s key?
    To purge in thy mighty rivers, to reveal the sincerest of delights in thy luminosity aglow,
    Engendereth memoirs of a radial pipedream in royal snow.

    O cerulean marble, sound asleep in thy Delphian shrine,
    I beseech thee to attend me and lay bare thy grace of vitric rime.
    The ensorcell’d forest of time without end camouflageth the ring-tail’d roarers.
    The kitsune and nixes retreat unto the gardens of Arcadia leaving my heart that much sorer.

    I yearn’d through another eternity to frolic in the lupine kindred’s nighttide soiree…
    Herein our theatre halls of archaic euphonies, Sköll and Hati orchestrate our regal bays.
    My belov’d Fenris, art thou not as all-pervading and e’erlasting as the Kolmården Forest?
    As majestic and grandiose as the nightingale’s hymn chorus’d?

    The grand tears, those snaking and bracing streams,
    Branch into twain gurgling serpents neath the bridge of a sapphire moonbeam.
    Mournful blood sister Rusalka, thy despairing eyes hemm’d the winter’s insipid pale.
    The nostalgic anguish thou hast brook’d voyages alongside the sombre gales.


    this was my favorite part man no doubt....i loved these stanzas thats enough said man...i liked the choice of words being placed here and there man nice shit dude......very literal and very percise and picky man i loved these right here... i mean somewhat down but great man... you had errors yes but im not one to point unless it is necessary enoughf or you not to be told once and in which this case you have already so with that said great piece man and keep it up!
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