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Thread: Adapt and Overcome.

  1. #1
    Legend.
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    Adapt and Overcome.

    Adapt and Overcome.

    " Denial and Heartbreak, Tis great "

    Constant memoires of past indulgents - weild pain
    my emotions are drained, and what reigns is insane
    permanent shackled dreams for my blood it screams,
    constant lifelines gleam but quiver me it seems.
    I've realised i'm alone, i have nothing at all
    its to hard to enthrawl, i hear my conscience call,
    through diver winds, economy falls im left to crawl
    i cannot recall an instance hense its why i scrawl.

    " No Money...None at All "

    A labarinthe of thoughts mangled frantically -
    a weary feeling of hate built up botanically -
    I understand i have no money, why him? its funny
    when hatreds sweet and abyss runs smooth like fluid.

    " Murder!! Why does it sound ever so sweet? "

    I have blood on my hands, i crave it, it demands...
    what have i done ? why ? i have blood on my hands -
    deaths a hot prospect i'm evil, what did you expect
    so why? i'm mad don't show off - i'm riled and erect.

    " Demons Eat me, They're everywhere "

    My minds a far cry, i wallow in pity and cannot ecsape
    its astray from my usual feelings yet astray from scape
    The darkness shines on me, its shielding brings bitterness
    To far to regress, and possibly suppress i utterly transgress.

    Well, why not get on with it, canister my emotions
    Normal life - a possible notion, why not then put words in motion.
    I've dealt with it, i'm adapting to life its duely noted
    and ditributed upon thoughts - I'm perfectly devoted.

    " Living outside the womb, conquering the box..."

    To overcome is to stare into the face of danger -
    to stare down the barrel of a gun or pee into the wind...
    To overcome is to provail, concise like ones first steps.


    -Thomas.
    Legend.
    RB Original.

    Meta. Convicts.
    18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.

  2. #2
    Legend.
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    Legend.
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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Well this was a good piece my good man but you have a few things to improve on.A few lines seemed a bit forced to me and a bit streched.The concept has been done before and I was hoping to see something fresh and new but you did well.You made it your own as you do most times you write.You can really see you maturing each time you write and it is good to see.I only picked out the negatives here because I think that is what you should be focusing on to correct them.Add a few more mettas in also.Keep writing as i'm sure you will

    -Dyl
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  4. #4
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Thanks man.
    Legend.
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  5. #5
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Can i have some feed please...
    Legend.
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  6. #6
    Banned
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    This was a damn good Drop..good shit @ ..excellent writer...

    Thomas- This was one of the nicest piece's I've seen from you in a minute...The imagery was on point and the emotion clear'd the entire drop...ya wording was good except for this part..
    Quote:
    Quote Originally Posted by Thomas
    permanent shackled dreams for my blood it screams,
    constant lifelines gleam but quiver me it seems.
    the quiver me it seems part seem's to be wording wrong.just comes off weird to me..but w/e...still a solid drop...your flow was on point for the most part and you nailed the topic @ hand..good deliverence..
    Last edited by Nsight; June 15th, 2007 at 07:00 PM

  7. #7
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Thankyou...
    Legend.
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  8. #8
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    nice piece famz, well-written emotion seeping in and out the pauses of the quotes. the content was true to its topic. situations that are pretty hard to adapt and overcome, then relief.. you had you own take with this topic and brought it places. the only thing i didnt like was it was reaching too many topics. this topic was too open and the piece was too short to talk about alot of intense situation and get the fullest out of it. but good delivery, flow, and all that, especially the emotion. keep writing..

    plz hit up "the strangler" in my siggy
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    Im not a rapper, im a gardener

  9. #9
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Thanks Bob, open to more feed.
    Legend.
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  10. #10
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Just a few more poeple please...
    Legend.
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  11. #11
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    fucking nice dude self endolgence also the rock band meshed into this peace in different werding was beautiful and atomatically tapped into my interest do to that.....good imagery all the way with emotion being solid,vocabe above par.....very nice dude and respect with this one.
    AI

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  12. #12
    Laughing at you Know-It-All's Avatar
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    I liked this. but I have to agree with Dyl, some of your lines seemed forced. But I did like the vocab and flow. I really liked the meta and your piece kept my intrest. your rhyme scheme was kind of simple at times but good other times. The imagery was out of this world. This piece is very very poetic and I enjoyed reading it. good job


    if you get a chance can you hit the link in my sig and return the favor please

    thank you

    James W.

  13. #13
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Thanks for the feeds guys.
    Legend.
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  14. #14
    Newbie
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    this was cool. structure seemed decent, alls I would say to offer some advice would be to try and not force rhymes as much. The rhyming scheme fell off a few times throughout and kind of through me off a bit. Other than that a nicely written piece, great emotion and imagrey in this one. Looking forward to reading your next.

  15. #15
    Legend.
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    Re: Adapt and Overcome.

    Well i take your advice and tell you i didnt force anything it was fluid in my eyes. Thanks for the feed though.
    Legend.
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