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Thread: 'All ABout HIM'

  1. #1
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    'All ABout HIM'


    Always The One Who Sat Alone, Back Of The Class Never Passed A Moan,
    A Disaster Honed, Slightly Obese, Ugly, And Girls Always Passed To Roam.
    The School Was Busy, And He Was Dressed To Kill, In His Best Clothes.
    New Ripped Shoes, Torn Shirt And Patched Up Jeans He Refused To Let Go.
    Mocked Every Step Though, Jeers Of 'Fat Boy, Fat Boy' Rang In His Ears,
    He Began To Think 'Why Me? As Ive Never Been Bad On My Peers'
    Mad At His Fears, Punched And Tested Fully, Why Couldn't He Wreck The Bully?
    He Reached His Class, The Teacher Says 'Hey You, Ugly, You Failed Yet Again Dummy'
    He Thought 'Please Let Him be Lying' But The Teacher Sneered, Then Continued Sighing.
    His Opinion Was Dying, Then His Eyes Watered, But He Refused To Admit To Crying,
    Defying, His Will To Run To Tracks, He Sat In Class And Learned New Facts
    But His Stomach Growled As Ever, Just Because At Home His Food Lacks,
    His Father Left When He Was Young, Because He 'Didn't Want The Beast Staring'
    Him And His Father, A Deceased Pairing, There Was Hope, Sarah Seemed Caring,
    She Sat Up The Front Of The Class, And Always Dropped Him Kind Words,
    The Top Student, That Never Stopped Smiling Nor Stop To Define Verbs,
    Entwined Worlds, Because Today He Had Finally Plucked Up The Courage,
    Cos He Knew He Felt Love In His Heart, And He Didnt Need To Furrage,
    Beneath The Luggage, He Was A Nice Person, Who Still Tried His Best,
    Because She Just Had To Like Him, Even If Dark Gray Was His Whitest Vest.
    The School Bell Rang, And His Heart Leaped With Hopeful Aspirations,
    'Fat Boy' Once More Rang Out, But he Was Past Their Rants And Ravings,
    He Walked Straight Up To Her, And Put Out His Hand To Shake Hers,
    N' Uttured A Late Curse, 'Cos She Stared At Him With Nothing But Hate First.
    She Spoke 'Your Too Scared To Stand Up For Yourself, Or Fight Back
    Despite That, I Would Never Be Seen With A Wimp Thats Like That'
    Heart Crushed, He Ran, Tripped And Fell And Heard The Chorus Of Laughter,
    Sort Of Disaster, How Could He Ever Like Sarah? He Should Torture That Bastard!
    Talk To Her After, About The Life They Could Have Had, Living Together,
    He Walked Home In The Snow, Murder On His Mind, Kicking The Weather,
    Im Sick Of This, Bed Her!!, His Mind Screamed With Lust And Violent Others,
    He Strode Into His Kitchen, And Then Quickly Dined With His Brothers,
    He Talked To Them 'How Are You Today, Gee? A Little Skinny I See...
    Why Don't You Eat Well And Hearty, Just Like I Have Done To Thee?
    I Stripped Your Bones Of Flesh, Tasted Blood And Munched On Your Hearts,
    Proceeded To Dine On Your Liver, And Ripped Your Lungs Into Parts
    Ill Admit, I Had Sexual Urges For You Both, But I Kept Them For Mother
    And Your Nothing But Bones Now, Please Await Me In Hell Brother
    You Look Perplexed, HaHa, Im Sorry, But Surely You Knew That You Were Next?
    After I Devoured Father, And Burned And Raped Mother Just For Sex,
    Her Cunt Was Dry, It Hurt Her Too Much, I Had To End Her Misery,
    You Should Have Understood, How I Had To Lend Her Liberty!
    Ive No Time For An Idle Threat, Ive To Go Rape Sarah, And Bite Her Neck,
    Ill Put A Knife In Her Eye, And Chew On Her Intestines, Despite Her Best.''
    .
    .
    .
    .

    He Sighed, Merely With The Thought And Effort Into Licking The Corpse,
    He Enjoyed Fucking The Bodies, Never Sick With Remorse,
    His Weapons? He Lifted With Force, Which Should He Choose, A Nice Choice
    He Decided On Both Of His Favourites, Ones That Killed In One, Never Tried Twice.
    Before He Set Out, He Picked Up His Knife, And Then Carried His Hacksaw,
    He Then Left And, Listened To The Sounds Of The Night, The Call of The Jackdaw.
    The Pouncing Of A Fox, And Then Lastly The Hoot Of The Owl,
    Then All Of The Night Went Silent, Awaiting The Murder Most Foul,
    Preffered The Lies, He Strode Along His Path, When He Suddenely Heard A Noise,
    A Figure Swung A Bat At Him, Of An Unusually Shape And Of A Perky Size.
    He Blacked Out.

    .
    .
    .
    .

    His Mind Came Flying Down, He Awoke On A Floor, His Hands Tied N' Bound,
    Made A Sighing Sound, His Leg Was Cut N' Losing Blood By The Pound
    Suddenly A Screen Flashed And Static Appeared Straight Above Him,
    A Voice Rang Out 'You Have One Hour, You Must Swallow Your Pride Or Walk,
    In One Place Is The Detonator, T'Other The Cancel Button Is Trying To Talk,
    Or Is It Trying To Walk? For If You Make The Correct Choice You Shall Destroy Me,
    The Doors Will Open, And U Will Escape To Comitt Murder Nightly,
    So Choose Wisely, Do You Trust Your Instincts,Your Inside Initiative?
    And This Is Your Last Chance, Because Frankly, Your Life? Im Sick Of It.
    Goodbye.
    .
    .
    .He Lies There, Thinking How Could I Let This Happen, I Was A Blind Fool,
    His Blood A Nice Pool, He Knows He Should Have Been Happy Always, Despite School,
    The Choice Is All About Luck, Or Should I Include The Games Logic?
    Fear Told Hm To Choose His Leg, But He Quickly Zipped And Locked It,
    Argh! His Leg Or Hos Throat, Which One Is The Right Answer
    This Is Impossible He Thought, Like Trying To Fight Active Cancer.
    He Knows Which Is The Right Choice He Must Follow His Heart And Brain,
    The Cancel ButtonsIs Wired To His Throat, Cos His Legs Just A Startling Pain,
    He Makes His Decision, And Swallows, His Past And Choice..
    He Hears A Boom In The Distance, And A Recorded Voice..
    'Gongratulations, You Gave Me My Escape Route, As I Had Hoped You Would,
    He Recognised The Voice! His Teacher! This Can't Be Good..
    The Voice Continues ' I Have Seen You Being a Coward All The Time,
    You Were Always Nothing, Just A Ball Of Slime, Now Im Gone,
    The Lights Will Activate, I Granted You Escape From MY Clutches,
    But Now Its Another Time,''

    .
    .
    .

    Still Wounded, His Leg Buckles Under His Applied Movements,
    He Think On His Feet, How The Fuck Can I Get Through This?
    He Swivels And Turns, The Lights Come On, And Hes Temporarily Blinded,
    And He Looks Straight At The Ground, Looking For His Intruder, Trying To Find It,
    His Vision Comes Back, And He Views Who Its Is, And Gasps 'Y-You Done It?!'
    His Mind Was Dying With His Life As Soon As He Tasted The Bullet.

    .
    .
    .

    Sarah Stood Up, And Brushed Off Her Shoulders, She Knew he Had Wasted His Own Life, And More Importantly, Wasted Others, She Left Him Lying In The Dirt, Half His Head Blown Aside, And Then She Slowly Gained Composure And Called The Police, When They Arrived. . . They Were Disgusted At How Sarah Had Been Taken Captive By Him, And When Their Teacher Tried To Save Them He Went Mad And Shot Himself And The Teacher, They Also Found Out What Had Happened To His Family, Sarah Was Given A Medal And Became A National Hero
    Last edited by Burd Man.; May 10th, 2007 at 04:30 PM

  2. #2
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    is this a story?

  3. #3
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    Damn this is hellas long...

    But its worth the read...this was a very dope piece..
    i liked the imagery..completley dopeness..i could see every
    verse...and the emotion was OMG nice..this piece oughta be in HOF'
    this was str8 dope..and the structure and flow was on point..
    and not even mentionin the creative wordplay..this was str8 dope..
    keep it up..this was nice very very very nice..good job on this..
    stay up and keep writin dopeness..1
    iC.r.e.w.
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  4. #4
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    I tried to Spam URLs. I am completely retarded. People like me should know better than to try and Troll these forums. I should be tared, feathered, and beaten with the moron stick. I am utterly incompetent.

  5. #5
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    Quote Originally Posted by ...Hades! View Post
    I tried to Spam URLs. I am completely retarded. People like me should know better than to try and Troll these forums. I should be tared, feathered, and beaten with the moron stick. I am utterly incompetent.
    WTF it wont let me post links, well i fed Mechis drop and another one... umm i foget the name argh, but yeah i fed 2 pieces.

  6. #6
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    Death - Mechi
    Subliminal - Yung Stunn

    ^ the links he has left feed on.
    Legend.
    RB Original.

    Meta. Convicts.
    18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.

  7. #7
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    Thanks Man^
    LOL

  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    iight let me show you how a vet leaves feed.


    ok burden i have read this piece like a total of 10 times 5 on RW and 3 on RA and @x on here man and its still worth a read man.. your own emotion was hella fucking deep in here dude shit was ill and mad creative B. nice to see your getting around to other boards..especially were you rWRITINGS REALLY IS WANTED MAN...

    Always The One Who Sat Alone, Back Of The Class Never Passed A Moan,
    A Disaster Honed, Slightly Obese, Ugly, And Girls Always Passed To Roam.
    The School Was Busy, And He Was Dressed To Kill, In His Best Clothes.
    New Ripped Shoes, Torn Shirt And Patched Up Jeans He Refused To Let Go.
    Mocked Every Step Though, Jeers Of 'Fat Boy, Fat Boy' Rang In His Ears,
    He Began To Think 'Why Me? As Ive Never Been Bad On My Peers'
    Mad At His Fears, Punched And Tested Fully, Why Couldn't He Wreck The Bully?
    He Reached His Class, The Teacher Says 'Hey You, Ugly, You Failed Yet Again Dummy'
    nice opener..i liked the metaphor you used especially on how you explained you were ugly or the person was gly and girls always just passsed him and shit man... but the bully line with the dummy line...hhmm...i guess its how you pronounce it out....i felt that was kinda off but ey its just me...

    He Thought 'Please Let Him be Lying' But The Teacher Sneered, Then Continued Sighing.
    His Opinion Was Dying, Then His Eyes Watered, But He Refused To Admit To Crying,
    thi sline here was creative...looks simple.... but the way you have to word such things especially with you multie rhyming it....it was smootha nd the transition was easy as pie man..lol.

    He Sighed, Merely With The Thought And Effort Into Licking The Corpse,
    He Enjoyed Fucking The Bodies, Never Sick With Remorse,
    His Weapons? He Lifted With Force, Which Should He Choose, A Nice Choice
    He Decided On Both Of His Favourites, Ones That Killed In One, Never Tried Twice.
    Before He Set Out, He Picked Up His Knife, And Then Carried His Hacksaw,
    He Then Left And, Listened To The Sounds Of The Night, The Call of The Jackdaw.
    The Pouncing Of A Fox, And Then Lastly The Hoot Of The Owl,
    Then All Of The Night Went Silent, Awaiting The Murder Most Foul,
    Preffered The Lies, He Strode Along His Path, When He Suddenely Heard A Noise,
    A Figure Swung A Bat At Him, Of An Unusually Shape And Of A Perky Size.
    He Blacked Out.
    i must say i think one of my favorite parts cus of the suspense involved and on the gruesome actions being said and done man... disgusting dude.. you and your sick twisted mind...

    .He Lies There, Thinking How Could I Let This Happen, I Was A Blind Fool,
    His Blood A Nice Pool, He Knows He Should Have Been Happy Always, Despite School,
    The Choice Is All About Luck, Or Should I Include The Games Logic?
    Fear Told Hm To Choose His Leg, But He Quickly Zipped And Locked It,
    Argh! His Leg Or Hos Throat, Which One Is The Right Answer
    This Is Impossible He Thought, Like Trying To Fight Active Cancer.
    He Knows Which Is The Right Choice He Must Follow His Heart And Brain,
    The Cancel ButtonsIs Wired To His Throat, Cos His Legs Just A Startling Pain,
    He Makes His Decision, And Swallows, His Past And Choice..
    He Hears A Boom In The Distance, And A Recorded Voice..
    'Gongratulations, You Gave Me My Escape Route, As I Had Hoped You Would,
    He Recognised The Voice! His Teacher! This Can't Be Good..
    The Voice Continues ' I Have Seen You Being a Coward All The Time,
    You Were Always Nothing, Just A Ball Of Slime, Now Im Gone,
    The Lights Will Activate, I Granted You Escape From MY Clutches,
    But Now Its Another Time,''
    and here is my other favorite part...i like ho wyou make the actions being taken so nicely said like simple yet its effective in a creative way..... complex with the whole word process of things i guess idk. the little quotes of someone talking man just proved more so to a story which was nicely layed out ya know its was a nice read B. and i definatly loved it....nice piece and really your own style cus i only see tim from RB do multie rhyming mostly...so seeing you which you are from RW were i am at aswell and i see alot of multie topicals...you stand as one of the best from the site so coming here can really also elaborate you on other styles though i wouldnt suggest changing cus your doing a fine job in what you do....i also see others benefitting from your drops so nice shit man and keep it up homie


    welcome to rap battles.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  9. #9
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  10. #10
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    done, appreciate the Nomination homie.

  11. #11
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    dope...thats all i can say

    dope flow, word play, errythang

    upps

  12. #12
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    Re: 'All ABout HIM'

    Appreciated^

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