My RB Story ....(fictional)...Just read.

[Dope Fresh.]

the first step of my thoughts was instrospection
Who am I, like Jackie Chan was the question
Second was that I realized I had no clue
And to figure it out, where do i go, what do i do?
The 3rd S'mod, Aines, told me to pray for help
because fourthcoming was a expedition i had to ride myself
Five days of retro and introspection u'd think I have an answer
but realization told me it could take a lifetime like cancer
that could be the next six hours, and even thats not promised
I started to feel helpless like, "fuck that silly nonsense"
So I took a nap for an hour, or thats what it seem'd
I had technically fell into a coma for 7 hours off the scene

(Now I am Sleep.....deep coma in to a dream)

Within the coma I had a dream, no, not like Dr. Kings
But a real epiphany on a journey like in Lord of the Rings
I came across this leader who call's himself a Mak
told me to follow him and he would lead me on the right track
I was thinking of going left but Mak told me of a Yung Ghost
who died going that way, walking for eight str8 days in the snow
further we walked thru a hazing path, met a man name Smokey
He told me down the path I'd meet a man whose soft spoking
One hr. n ten mins. a soft speaker name Thomas approach me
He's ridin' w.Meta.Convicts, said only the mind controlls thee
Relli looked at him crazy & said, "Sure.....Let's go kid"
eleven minutes later we arrive at a small village with FL posted
Relli says, "this is the Frontline, a King name Smoka controll it,
Alot of battles have taken place here some won n some folded"
Walking thru the village, The Artist tells us Wyte.Knight is near"
Relli said, "nothing to fear, there's lots of knights n warriors here"
I told him, "Im prepared for Axeshun and anyone coming"
I also was a Real Thoro knight also & battle recs mean nothing
Then for some strange reason I started to get the bubble guts
Assassains started surrounding us everywhere in trees posted up
Relli said, "chill they with me", and asked if i needed anything
Told him I'm fine, trying to figure out if its a Robin Hood thing
I went to go see Dr. Limitless, he said I have NewFound Talents
I told him I'm aware of that, but my skills are a little off balance
Then an Infamouz Disciple somehow spoke to me in a vision
My eyes rolled to the back of my head, U can ask The Witness
Made all kinds of Gestures like I was going thru Hightimes
Then some guy name Charles Darwin Asperse'd me w.waterlines
the flow was frozen, I snapped back a cold mess
Shivering like a crackhead, my clothes wet
dried off n .Kid Sick took me to the WestBank where RB reside
I ask, "what's this?"
"A local spot where people hang in the lounge" Jaycee replied
I started to look around, familiar, but things seem different
Look$ came and said, "Alot of things changed y u were missing"
I C. alot of Wrighters, battlers, bout 4 rooms(forums) n leagues
While I was gone did my home boy Jookz decide to leave?
And what about JFC and Lil. JC, they left me also mayne??
-Ancel said, "most of everybody has just changed their name"
I looked for Quest & everybody else who I had met
They was gone and.or had new alias's,
So I said fuck it, left the village awhile n came back Dope Fresh.

(I hear my girls voice, as if God was a lady and speaking to me)

I wake up, and thought about the dream, seem'd I just lived it
S'when I logged online, got back on RB and said,"Back 2 bitness"

*To all the members I used in my story if I offended you in any type of way I apologize, it was not meant to do so, it's just a story I came up with to entertain myself and others.*

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...e-chest-335297
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...en-hero-335620

[Dope Fresh.]

Bump for feed.

[GrimmyReaps]

ok...this shit is long as fuck....but it was ok, it had good content,,,it kinda reminded me of paks going away verse...i still cant beleve i aint get mentioned...ur vocab was ok kinda plain it koulda been more, the rhymeskeme was iight, but there was a grip of multis and internals....

So I said fuck it, left the village awhile n came back Dope Fresh.

^fav line...idk i like that for some realson...thats a good personal...but this shit was good...keep it up.

[urban legendz]

Yeah, I tend not to like piece's like these, but meh I'ma lend you some tips&shit...

okay .....

Okay besides the occurring grammar mistakes, you should put more though into your imagery and being a bit more vivid. You often had problems with words being to big or being out of place so your flow was often congested, but for the most part it was nice and simple read. This could’ve been better with the use of controlled multi’s and more creative wordplay etc. I can’t give you much for originality points or creativity seeing that this concept is dead fam, but atleast it wasn’t that bad so in my book this piece deserve something like a 6.0 maybe 6.5 at the highest, keep elevating fam…

[Dope Fresh.]

thank you, it started off a freestyle in my kitchen, I was cooking some chicken, then i thought of a few names i should mention, so i added em in.....The overall piece was just a quick write, nothing serious like yall at all, that's comein up but for the most part i just wanted to share this with yall cause i mentioned some names and i had nothing else to do.

[urban legendz]

Ha, nice little freestyle yo I can offer you a few tips and ish about writing if you mind, unless you don't feel you need it..

[Dope Fresh.]

I'm always open to criticism, pointers, and advice, feel free, but in our chat room.


If you guys tend to like this piece here then part 2 will be muuuch better with vocab, imagery and a little emotion. I'll take my time and think some stuff out and with more names. So if ur not in this dont take it personal of get mad at me, this was just a freestyle.

[Relli_Mak]

*Nice piece, IMO..(Not cuz I'm mentioned..)it had a good scheme to it..the verses/story flowed well, although vocab used could've been improved in certain spots..it was able to get the points/story across..good way to represent yaself and N.A., Dope*

[Leonidas]

lol...Nice little story here. I liked how you incorporated names into the story and made them have other meanings than just their name. The story was good and it was a fun little piece, but if you were looking to make these serious you would have to change certain elements of it. You would need to have more emotion throughout the characters and yourself. A more vivid picture would also help. And your vocab could also be stepped up quite a bit. For what you did though, nice piece.



If you have some time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...at-335728.html

[Undisputed™]

I liked hoqw you used everyones name, cool little story. but alot of wording in it was fucked n that is an area you could use improvement.

[Santario]

this shyt was good but not the best, [no disrespect]

[mechi]

were am i at??..

oh well i geuss this was a good piece lol...but on the real this piece
was dope i liked how you mentioned everyone elses name exept mine
but i liked the imagery and the wordplay along with it..it was dope nontheless but i think it would have been doper if i was mentioned in it lol..
it was long as fuck but worth the read..and i liked the structure of this piece..keep up at writin..and maybe if its not too much but next time could you..oh i dont know mention taktik ?...thanks your the best..



P.S.dont forget to mention me...but it was a nice piece

[Dope Fresh.]

^ lol, I know and thank you all for the feed. since this turned out right, I will take all feed into consideration and incorporate it into part 2. Like I said the next piece will be thought out with way better vocab and such, thanks.

Ps... writers are welcome to write with me, this can be a new project...... unlimited amount of writers, just have to be dope and if people are interested hit me up in NA forum, I'll have a thread. We can discuss it there.

[SmokaJoka]

King Smoka...gotta nice ring to it

[Dope Fresh.]

It do don't it, u should change it to ya name..