Hunt of the Treasure Chest

[Leonidas]

Cutting thru waves as the helm slices deep and direct
Ravaging and scouring for treasure so the cheap can collect
the sun creeps to the horizon as another plunder commences
Battling blatantly for gold as the hunt cautiously condenses
.
For an eternity, being a warrior and pirating at the mouths of the oceans
Saltwater lingers now, as lives were left at shore alongside emotions
Scavenging a map with a marked “X” brings curiosity and will
Cursed flesh cast out to sea with only a sense of greed to fulfill
“This world is ours for the taking” shouts the captain for moral
For this treasure is closer than imagined and is an inside quarrel
Setting sails swoop as a ship parts our vision off in the distance
Soon they’ll be plundered completely and whipped off of existence
Ship after ship we conquer, but the treasure we search is nowhere found
Next stop is to port ship and overcome the human forces on lands ground
No resistance is a match, for our numbers our far too major
Tis’ a treasure as risk? Or are our lives at the stake of the wager?
Searching high and low, but continuously left with no fortune
As our rations run low and the stock barrels out by the portion
The map reads a town to the north, so our sights are set aboard
Could the treasure lye within? But only persistent time hide award
Smashing into the dock, the waves rippling as a sea to protest
Creeping in spots to overtake the city village as our possessed
Cold wind whipping at our face and the blades slice thru skin
All along a constant struggle took place inside ourselves within
Soon the town was left to ashes and rubble as smoke slowly ascended
Hoping to be one step closer with another conquer that ended
.
Water splashing at boots as the crew prepared to dock for set
But our startling captain carries toward us a box that a lock had met
Excited and astounded the crew rushes to form a circle to peer
Happiness overcomes and some men drop watery tears
“What’s inside!!!” cries the men as the captain cracks open the treasure
“Tis nothing but a piece of damp paper” as a virtual drop in pleasure
Coming all the way across the world for paper, but pirating the sea
All the while bringing spirits of men together as we can all agree
Due to that certain day, the evil but courageous men found better
For instead of treasure, lives of men were poured out on the letter
Brought together by a bond, that no gold or diamonds could fade
But the real treasure showed a love that no greed could invade



Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-334909.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-334933.html

[The Science]

Ay real good shit. Concepts were nice, they had a lot of depth...The imagery was good here, the vocab made this awesome. It wasnt too intense, at the same time not light. Thus the vocab gave this piece a nice combo of reality and imagination. I liked the story as well, I would have liked to get on this with you. Hit me up next time. Word. Good read.

[Cape$h]

this shit is talent in it's purest form i don't know how you guy's do this poem shit but keep it up

[Leonidas]

Thanks for the feed so far you two. I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you liked the piece

Up for some more feed.

[GrimmyReaps]

ok...i like the pic and i like the topic it was very creative....ur lines were a bit streached but the flow wasent really messed up by it...u had e a good storyline and plot and u followed the topic well...vocab was ok, and the multis and internal rhymeskeme was there but it didnt really shin...but it was overall a good verse...

-GR-

rtf on my collab with jay...

[Leonidas]

Up for some more feed.

Thanks for all the feed so far.

[YunG Stunn]

Excited and astounded the crew rushes to form a circle to peer
Happiness overcomes and some men drop watery tears
[B]shit was my fav cuz it wasnt as stretched as the rest of the lines, it flowed and was read nicely.[B]I saw almost the whole scene in the first paragraph the first part. I could see it all. It started to fade for me but was still keepin me interested. You got madd talent and i was definately feelin it. Only thing I can say is it was harder to read than most because of all the syllables and the way it was read. nahm sayin? good shit cuz.

[KZK]

pretty good ish
the wordplay was good and there was a lot of creativity, the vocab was good and the structure mos def wasnt basic.
there wasnt really a flo, and if there was it wasnt consistant so try to work on that, try to bring a little more power and emotion to it that speaks ur true opinion and not just words that paint a picture although that is an important element

keep it up
lookin forward to readin new ish from u

[Leonidas]

Thanks.

Up.

[Dope Fresh.]

Nice shit fam, as usual, u stuck to the plot, the sequence is hot, i like the concept, somein like some Jack Sparrow shit, s'what i was thinkin about, lol, no one has done one on something like this, good read. Vocab, flow, rhyme scheme all good shit. keep doin u.

[Dat]

The concept you used was nice, though as i explained on the other piece, you use alot of words that really don't need to be there. It's too cluttered, maybe your lines are too long.

The content in itself is brilliant, there's a huge story in the piece and it's pretty seamless, allowing me to take it all in and enjoy it. Although it would make the piece that much doper if you were to tell the story in such a creative way that i never lost interest.
There's a lot of varied vocabulary to be used on a topic this rich, and you utilised your words quite well, with only a couple of lines that could have been worded better.

The story was quite well approached, easy to relate to as a typical pirate theme - therefore nobody can misunderstand what's going on, which makes it appreciable.
It'd be good to see a completely different abstract approach to a topic, as i seem to be reading alot of similar stuff - not in a bad way - just in a monotonous way.

Either way, i hope you provide some cool reads for me in the future. Peace man.

[Leonidas]

Thanks for all the feed Dope & Dat.

Appreciate it

[Leonidas]

Up for some more feed

If you want to leave feed, then leave a link...Ill hit up your link with feed.

[.Silence.]

this was a pretty good piece here.The way you started off your piece was real good cuzit opened upthe eyes of the reader.And the Imagry was real good cuz everything you worte went good with the picture.And the emotion in the piece was real good to.And the vocabulary you used in this piece was real good.But overall this was a good read here keep up the good work.

[Kris Stubbs]

As soon as i read the title of the thread. i knew it was going to be a descent piece. I actually favor drops like this. The overall concept played in well. And you actually wrote the piece very good. Vocab was strong. Everything was in contact with the topc. Very well written played peice man.