A Simple Request

[YoungLadie]

I'm not surprised that I always get the short end of the straw
But I'm tired and fed up and my last breath I'm ready to draw
Steady trying to better the worsened me for the world so cruel
But life has removed all my innocence… my precious jewel
The jewel that was once a loving heart
No longer shining but darkened
And no longer a chance to restart
Losing everything I love and everything that I want
Losing the one that holds my sweetest dreams…now holding the ones that haunt
No longer does the sun gleam or the skies shout
Just grayness and cries from here on out
I've lost all incentive to live a faithful life
No longer to care of the pains and the strife
If there's one thing left in the world I would address
It would be this one very simple request


I'm no longer afraid of death because I welcome it
For I've made a spot in my home for death to sit
So we can talk and discuss my unfortunate fate
My ill misfortunes and all the mistakes
I now reek of death and it's trying to swallow me whole
Don't get me wrong, because to burn is not eternally my goal
It's just the simple fact that I don't care
Because at the age of 10 I finally realized that life wasn't fair
At the age of 14 I realized nobody would be there
And now at the age of 15 I'm realizing love is no longer shared
I've been through a lot maybe not more then you
But to me this is too much or maybe I'm just confused…
I understand that someone always has it worse off then me
But right now it doesn't matter…I just wish someone could hear my plea
But if there's one thing left in the world for me that I would address
It would be this ever so simple but complicated request


Being raped twice by the same guy I knew for so long
Being told that I fucked up my life and that I was in the wrong
Being scared to tell anyone because they would think I lied
But no longer do I hold the blame because indeed I did try
So now continuously at night I lay alone, deserted, and just cry
Having a mother who no longer wants you isn't that bad
It's just the fact that she sends you away that makes the situation sad


She deserts me because of a job she could not keep
A job that at which she could not complete
A job that others would try and compete
A job that was meant to better the worsened me
Headed down the south road instead of up north
Being miserable now is like a daily chore
If ever there was a thing in this world I'd address
It would be this thing I have called a simple request
And that would be simply death

[YoungLadie]

Upping

[Poeta Demonio]

Okay, this piece wasn't personally to my taste, as alot of the lines seemed forced to me in the wording, Such as 'No longer shining but darkened and no longer a chance to restart' It was a bumpy read in the sense of tone, althought one isn't soley the key to a decent poem it does hold the secrets to drawing out emotion from the reader and making the reader relate and stay interested. The topic choice wasnt bad, a nice simple piece to decipher... The second stanza was probably my favorite part as it showed that you do have potential in being able to draw the reader in, but with a long poem like this it needs to be ALL like that, rather than one section, especially the first section in my opinion, as that is the firstt thing they read, therfor if their first impression is a negative impression it kind of tarnisheds the rest of the piece... Either way, stay up and keep writing, i hope to see more of you in the future.

Feed on this if possible please. Thank you.



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rt-333777.html

[YoungLadie]

**edited 2 lines were put together. I fixed it...
Uppin