Picking someone to Blame.

[Engivale]

Picking someone to Blame.



I'm stripped of my flesh by this crpytic caress..
And within is this test that I've been given to best...
I mute my inner dialogue to better suit my mind to clog...
And restitute I stay til I lay disputed, denied and mocked...
Alive but flogged I wish his fist was Writhed with throb...
The time is logged in hospital visits by my mom...

Ashamed of bruises and done makin' excuses
For blatant abuses of people by weak-willed deuches...
Simon says Fight back, He's done cryin - Sublime is Right Back.
Writhing white's black color is livening other's sights rapped-
Brother is a term of endearment, And the 'n' word is what fear wrent-
Hindsight observed by the learned served the cost tears spent...

So a degraded human is in enslavement and ruined -
Made to be three fifths labeled free by a Union...
Disgraceful but Soon when they thought things had changed -
They realized a law is just a rule that only a fool obeys...
So phony and cruel this place - labor is human fuel we waste...
The tools he makes are the market's blood pool we taste...

This isn't my apology to black people...
It's an acknowledgement of what a past means still...
And still we ask equal rights but evil writes...
Talks, Sings, Walks and Stings with teeth full of whites...
It's our reinforcement of deep scars that are forced and
We don't realize that black tar is just a portion...

Black cats unlucky - Bad facts have struck me;
A 'black spot' in your past is a saying, but what we
Say can remind that the last age of our time...
Still brings phrases like "Black Fridays" to mind...
Black magic is evil, The black market deceitful...
The black sheep is the fact that we put on bad people...

Starting to see a trend is scarring and deeper when
Noone even notices what the motive is or meant...
We speak without thinking and each of us sinking
To the level of our fathers when we point to Imus for the same thing...
We search for a scapegoat, it hurts but we hate it so,
We have to pick a demon to keep racism schemin' under the table...

[Engivale]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-317284p2.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-332943.html

^^^links.

[Engivale]

^^upping.

[Maven.]

"
This isn't my apology to black people...
It's an acknowledgement of what a past means still...
And still we ask equal rights but evil writes...
Talks, Sings, Walks and Stings with teeth full of whites...
It's our reinforcement of deep scars that are forced and
We don't realize that black tar is just a portion.."

This was the best part. What I didn't get about the piece was that you said it wasn't your apology to black people, but from that point on you seem to be rationalizing antagonism towards the colour black in our society's linguistic associations. Furthermore, you say this is just the way things work...in order for there to be racism. But you never really say "well, it's fucked up that it's like this."

Also, I think you tell stories better. Waxing philosophic on a concept works better for you when you can use characters and symbolism.

It was a good piece though, your phrasings were great. Flow was tight. Was just curious about the content.
Word.

[Engivale]

Its written in response to the fire Don Imus has been under lately for his racial remarks about the rutgers basketball team. This piece was made to sort of show people that racism is big, it lurks in everyday language in places we can't see beyond racial slurring, in phrases everyone says and are reinforced constantly. I was trying to say that personally, I'm not trying to apologize for any of it, I'm just acknowledging it exists and that its kinda funny how easy its been for everyone to blame Imus for something he said that so many people are thinking... that's my point.

And I wrote it being a white guy and all so it takes sort of a different flavor and approach to a topic i pretty much think is normally restricted to black writers... but I wanted to write something different so I did.

[Engivale]

I am so fucking pissed at the all the 2nd rate pieces that have gotten twice as much feedback as this over the past two days. But whatever. Read what you want. Maybe this is too difficult to criticize or 36 lines is too much for you all to read, but honestly, out of all the fucking garbage people keep posting, you guys continue to choose the garbage at an astonishing 100% rate.

Its like... all beer costs exactly the same price... and you guys are still choosing milwaukee's best... but whatever. All i get is a fucking RTF look from a guy who admits he was barely capable enough to read english when he wrote his feedback.

[Engivale]

upping... last time... lets see if this just never got seen or whatever... ugh

[Spoken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-332764.html
^^
i know you left feed on it in SS but yea know...lol.


I'm stripped of my flesh by this crpytic caress..
And within is this test that I've been given to best...
I mute my inner dialogue to better suit my mind to clog...
And restitute I stay til I lay disputed, denied and mocked...
Alive but flogged I wish his fist was Writhed with throb...
The time is logged in hospital visits by my mom...
^^
i liked your opneing real mellow and smooth ya know... it was flowed well too ya know it was creative man and i agree with maven he said the content of this seemed a bit here and there ya know... but this whole piece was just solid man... i love the way you break downa story..its so in depth lik your feed...lmfao.. coinscidence?!...lol. but really man i cant say much really bout this drop cus it was just too good to even say something about it man.. i just loved it.. it was creative man.. i loved how you twisted words for your wording section to mend well with your own metaphors man.... shit was good man..really vibed to this one really really well. man.

loved it.

[Jon]

yeah, thanks for the feed eng.

ok, now to your piece

it was pretty well thought out, and you had tremendous flow, as always. you had the vocabulary, as always, and you had everything you normally have. I liked the title, and the topic. you write well when you want to, lol. I can't really leave a lot of feed.. so i'm sorry on this. Uh, it was LONG.. the lines were fairly long, and the length was above average, so I didnt get a chance to read all of it. but judge on about 4 of the stanza's, you did very well. I liked how you could put so much info in a small amount of space. thats what i lack apparently. but good job nevertheless. keep writing, and thats the way to rep tennessee.

good job, thanks for the feed

[LedgenZ]

Damn you told me this piece was good, but I didn't think that it would be this good. First off your flow was insane just very well contrived...so props to you on that. However, the highlight of this piece has to be your content and the message behind it. It's like what we've spoken about so many times in the past: The mark of a truly great piece is a stunning flow with an even greater message surrounding it. This verse was very pro-active, assertive, political, and just all around intellectually stimulating work of art. Needless to say it was a drop that should have received way more attention that it got. Pretty flawless for the most part, any suggestions would just be personal preferences and or add-ons. All in all this was definitely verse to remember.

Favorite lines:

So a degraded human is in enslavement and ruined -
Made to be three fifths labeled free by a Union...
Disgraceful but Soon when they thought things had changed -
They realized a law is just a rule that only a fool obeys...
So phony and cruel this place - labor is human fuel we waste...

^I thought this was dope, very intellectual and insightful. Hell, If you were a public speaker I'd behind you with a picket sign and military boots...in other words I feels you son.

Again:

This isn't my apology to black people...
It's an acknowledgement of what a past means still...
And still we ask equal rights but evil writes...
Talks, Sings, Walks and Stings with teeth full of whites...
It's our reinforcement of deep scars that are forced and
We don't realize that black tar is just a portion...

^The wording is so dope here you could have been rhyming about cat shit and it would have still come across tight. However, you weren't rhyming about shit, what you were rhyming about had a lot of substance to it and you expressed your views quite well; again you have away of relaying a message without preaching it and that's one of the best traits to have as a writer.....dope shit!

Finally;

Black cats unlucky - Bad facts have struck me;
A 'black spot' in your past is a saying, but what we
Say can remind that the last age of our time...
Still brings phrases like "Black Fridays" to mind...
Black magic is evil, The black market deceitful...
The black sheep is the fact that we put on bad people

^Yeah I think Malcolm X and Dr. Michael Eric Dyson have touched on this topic a lot..but never in rhyme form. I Agree with you a 100% and I'm quite happy that you see the controversy at hand. There's a lot of injustice surrounding the 'color' black and all it's characteristics, just glad your smart enough to not only decipher the meaning between its falsehood and reality, but more so your willingness to share it with us.

Overall, Dope fucking piece, worthy of so much more than what its gotten...it's time for cats to wake up and see what your about, this verse is a crash course and or example of your skill level. Pronominal!

pZ

[3x]

it felt like u were really into the topic and it helped with the emotion the wording was great and i feel it had a purpose that u felt needed to be told
good i really liked this line

So a degraded human is in enslavement and ruined -
Made to be three fifths labeled free by a Union...

good read