Wordperfect: Tomorrow's People

[Maven.]

WordPerfect: Tomorrow's People
Efgeesus - Maven - Baron Mynd

Its never about whos the cleverest
Its bragging rights, like my daddy buys air from Everest
He owns this and that - you know, the acid attack that’s barely venomous
Whatever its just, numerous consumerists, faulting and weak
The breath of conquering peaks, that’s reduced to bitches on sea level
That oughta get on to their knees
Lets look beyond the degrees, flash cars and whats in the bank
I don’t care if you floss your teeth with a thread of gold and you’re too posh to wank
With an ego fit for several people, getting compliments too often to thank
If drowning sorrows was an option you drank, dam near developed gills
Now the sons footin your medical bills and only looks ahead
To both parents pennin their wills after he donated a kidney to spare them the ills
Of dialysis, the constant analysis from renal clinics
Made son use up casino limits, the only buzz he gets, is on Reno visits
Not addicted but he can see he’s finished, that’s what’s so hard to take
His hearts at stake and slowly went away with the parts they’d take
Hates mirrors cos of the scars on his face from livin in this barbarous state
Effectively carved on a plate,
Every time his arm goes, up he’s reminded of the bar codes
That mark him as a designer baby, the first to be born for parts grown
Tomorrows people don’t get any better with time, like the pasts shown

There's Blood on the Ground-
and Sounds of a Drug in the Now.
I mean...
Reality's seen in dreams of skyscraper sunbeams
and some seem to believe what's unseen,
but conceived in reflection-
it's a cross section of paradise and piss
we share the right to miss everything tonight that is...
But what will be?
Do you will me to be still free...
or sell adspace to fill me and have capitalism kill me?
Or will we become filthy
and put on the shelf with Brill Cream-
priced, bought, sold and stamped in labour camps until we
speak a word of indignation and get called obtuse and silly?
So whats the use of killing everything we feel is right?
We're sold our identities for 500 bucks a night
race, colour and creed come for free with the package
but there's no add-on space for morality that's lacking...
that's the bottom line traced on government stationary
it's disgrace we're bearing in the place of caring
and all ideas of renewal are from Library books borrowed
and forgotten-
the fines are paid by the people of tomorrow.

Causal clouds align and prepare the skies for despair,
The sun choosing its moment, before cruelly exposing the silver lining it bears.
In this Nu-Age Megamerica an uprising is shared ..
.. and Father Time is aware, that the birth of Rebellution is alive in the air!
Where our government refused to treat the climate with care,
Yet blindly declared, war with Iraq over oil that's rightfully theirs!
Tomorrows People are each of the lies that were shared,
The eyes that would stare, from under the thinly-veiled disguises of Blair.
Tomorrows People are each of the cries that were bared,
To a demoralising democracy that left its people divided and scared.
And yet Tomorrows People live beneath the brightest of glares,
Due to the vast chemical weapons we've chosen to ignite in the air.
So hopefully, these people are now twice as aware,
That the price of freedom rises with each and every life that is spared.
Where acid rain is expunged from the clouds in nightly affairs,
And there's fresh blood on the hands for these torrid tyrants to wear -

The blood of Tomorrows People.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...dy-332907.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-332919.html

[Maven.]

...are you serious?

[Paradox1080p]

deadly, like a heart attack

[Maven.]

^appreciate that you read it.
The rest of you suck ass.

[Witty]

Not in this, but upping for the family

[Engivale]

Efgeezus started the piece on some good flows, his content though seemed a little iffy to me, I never got drew in by any of it.. His flow is pretty good but I think he needs to work on line length and stuff so as to help his writing come to life a little more, it seems like he's saying too much that doesn't need to be said... But his flow is there, I like that he's got the hip-hop style of writing and he could probably put together some dope shit, but in this particular piece, I thought he was slightly overshadowed...

Like, Maven comes next and I always like his writing, it flowed really well as usual and there were some really clever lines.

it's a cross section of paradise and piss
we share the right to miss everything tonight that is...

That was pretty cool vague I suppose in some ways, but it was cool, it left a lot to the reader to come up with and that's always cool, the thought provoking sort of shit.

Do you will me to be still free...
or sell adspace to fill me and have capitalism kill me?
Or will we become filthy
and put on the shelf with Brill Cream-
priced, bought, sold and stamped in labour camps until we
speak a word of indignation and get called obtuse and silly?
So whats the use of killing everything we feel is right?
We're sold our identities for 500 bucks a night
race, colour and creed come for free with the package
but there's no add-on space for morality that's lacking...

That whole part I thought was the strongest single point anybody made in the entire verse, and then you ended it real nice too with the library fine metaphor, all in all good work.

Baron's verse was cool, I loved how you rhymed it the same scheme the entire way and somehow you pulled it off so it didn't seem elementary but rather really clever. Your stuff lately has been turning me on, dogg, LoL, seriously, you seem to be finding a happy medium between the detail you love to put into your pieces and the specific wording you like to use, you've found out how to cut some of it out and still be effective, in fact more effective, by improving your flow and continuing to write with your own voice. Overall I think your part in this was the most well-rounded, I also liked how much attention you paid to the fact that you were ending the verse, you kind of seemed to have the verse that keeps going for eight or ten lines after the music cuts off and your just spittin' it out loud... Really tight stuff, some lines I liked...

Causal clouds align and prepare the skies for despair,
The sun choosing its moment, before cruelly exposing the silver lining it bears.
In this Nu-Age Megamerica an uprising is shared ..
.. and Father Time is aware, that the birth of Rebellution is alive in the air!

I immediately knew it was you writing, it was so you, but you obviously chose carefully how you wrote this entire part for the piece.

Tomorrows People are each of the lies that were shared,
The eyes that would stare, from under the thinly-veiled disguises of Blair.

Nice, I liked the association to Tony Blair - made me chuckle initially.

And yet Tomorrows People live beneath the brightest of glares,
Due to the vast chemical weapons we've chosen to ignite in the air.
So hopefully, these people are now twice as aware,
That the price of freedom rises with each and every life that is spared.
Where acid rain is expunged from the clouds in nightly affairs,
And there's fresh blood on the hands for these torrid tyrants to wear -

The blood of Tomorrows People.

Real solid ending, too, I was pretty into it.


So there ya go, the feedback you all deserved for this, 4173 characters. So Long. Peep my piece on the OM page if u wanna RTF me or whatever, I'm not concerned about it or whatever though it's just a little something I scrawled down earlier cuz I felt like writing something off-the-wall, I was taking my loss to BTK a little hard cuz I thought I was going to win that match, but peeps didn't like mine like I thought they would, so shit happens. Gotta keep going better then ever, ya know? Later guys.

[Witty]

^dude, in case you're getting confused. It isn't the same Baron that is in SS

[Engivale]

haha - no wonder it seemed so fresh from him. Similar style, tho, all the compliments remain the same. =D

[Johnny 6-feet]

Dope work gentlemen. You really showed a united front here with a blending of styles which took this seamlessly from one verse to the next. The vocab was dope and consistent without being over the top, as were all your uses of multi's, but it was the imagery here which really did it for me. All of you painted a great picture of the situation the world's in now, the ego's of 'tomorrow's people' and how were basically fucked as a fuck.

Come to think about it, that's depressing as hell lol.

Way to show the rest of rb how to do a great collab and why you're considered an 'elite' crew in the first plain. There were no weak links here. Great stuff from all of you.

Fuck it, consider this nominated. Keep on writing.

[Bruklor]

Dope. Told you guys what I thought.

Great piece, WP - STAND UP!

[K.Brown]

yeah, you guys nailed the topic..
definitely deserves the HoF for the
month. cheers.

[Spoken]

this was just an explendid drop. reall ydown in it and very deep into its emotion man.. i really loved this piece.. it was just breathe taking Fgee nice to see your shit back up in this man.. i liked how you paved the way for the other writers to come in and drop there fire aswell.. real mellow yes suspenseful man. i liked how all the verses spoke clear with nice metaphors and straight to the point. the whole sotry and concept was just illy man. i loved it.
there really isnt much else to say cus this piece speaks for itself man.. most have already said what needs to be said...especially ENGIVALE man he broke it down and beat me to the point cus i fi break it down its like the same thing he just said so....lmfao.

nice drop guys


if possible please hit this piece of mine
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-332764.html