Bruised Cranium; For My Readers

[Spoken]

Bruised Cranium; For My Readers

These shackled walls place a pavement dream
Filled with horrid screams; belittling down, a blood stream.
Screeched emphasis, bass drums my membrane
Stain my hopeless thoughts and smiles; and crease me insane.
Flat to match, that lifeline that I’m attached with
Scratch; my life skips a beat to follicle a sudden death wish.
Pitch Black, as I rid these nightmares away
My heart deflates, creates and illustrates my love being raped.
Flailed Hate cross matches; deracinates the way I feel
Can’t be healed and as I decay, my skin appears and starts to peal.
Walk with me now, down the lone memory lane
She crashes my plane; I fall to sleep yet merely awake.
Baked; my love turns from a heart to a circle
That goes round and round, the merry-go-round, the devils circus.
Tell a tall tale; my heart thumps with anticipation
Placed statement; pierced right through for tomorrows creations.
Declaration; I prove a debate worth arguing with
Sealed with a kiss, the envelope floats to your lips.
Hush; now rush with your words stumbling out
Clawed with nerves trembling, my eyes wonder “what it is about”.
A shadow that bleeds ink onto my crumbled paper
Creator; of a massacre art yet swept away by an eraser.
Peal the sheet protector back from its surface
Today my guardian angel dies; now Satan can serve his purpose.
Praise a sort of thunder that lights down its fear
Thunderbolt my hands; to go numb considering I cant hear.
Taste my blood dripping; feel my foes creeping
Leak my thoughts relentless; weep for the ones left sleeping.
Hide and seek; peek-a-boo I’ve found you
My spine quakes with my face blue; my frown is glued
Tears ice cold; frozen from showing expression
Exception; not wanted as closet secrets burn a sensation.

“Your words are a mystery... what are you talking about?”

The touch and feel of your essential lustration
Heated hormones go insane; a dysfunctional punctuation.
Bilingual architectures; blue print my heart broken
Call it “The shattered flooring”…
………Now throw my heart into the ocean.
My passion is a gift but to others its trash
So I hang by the thread of criticism; I shift from first to last.
They ask for my thoughts; so I write for them to read
It’s rewarded with elegant supplements; but the deed ends and bleeds.
I promote my time of writing for all readers to hear
I’m left alone with no one to turn to, acid replaces my tears.
Trailing down my lone cheeks; I hide behind a willow
It starts to burn and bring pain; shrieking down my patted pillow.
Aha… I’ve created a burdened masterpiece for the world to see
The story begins with happiness; suddenly ends with no me.




“It was once a job… then it was a hobby… but now it’s a passion”-James Cortez


Thank you for all your time and mails I’ve received,
It’s nice to see my work goes un-noticed and is seen.
I thank you all for your support and graciously, am blessed,
To share with you my stress; and relieve of all that was on my chest.

Hope you all enjoyed the reading…

-James Cortez a.k.a Mr.Write

[Spoken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=329222
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=329708

[el paco loco]

i liked it alot............although i couldnt image most of it..............................
overall ill give it a 6/10................................................ .........................

[Young Desent]

Thats Nice

[Spoken]

blah



bump.

[Po'Et]

this was a nice piece...had packed emotion and it flowed nicely...some stretched line si can tell but you know im new so...what do i know..lol. but word man this was a nice piece...and ayo james when we gon get to ou project for clas?...iight save that convo for later...this wasa nice piece though reall man.. i digged the imagery in this....nice shit cuz.

[Boxin Mics]

not bad at all I was feelin this. the vocabulary was on point. not much I can say though. overall bro it came out dope. sometimes when I click into pieces people try using the vocab like this... and really they make no sense with it. and leads the pieces to a fucked up structure.. keep up the good work, man..

[Messiah.]

Good piece i liked it, it had everything it needed, the vocabulary was nice and the rhymescheme worked just fine. It had nice grammar in precision and the emotion and imagery were spot on, overall a good piece man. Stay Up ^.

-Thomas

[HighEngineChief]

Okay i liked this alot but some of the language was questionable. Just thought it had some clutter in it and over use of quote on quote "big words". some of them didnt belong there. take this line.

Filled with horrid screams; belittling down, a blood stream
^^Blittle means to down somebody, i dont see that making sence hear, if it does and i cant see it please explain it to me, i love to learn. But it dosnt look like it.

Other than that minor detail the rest of the piece was banging. Kind of ironic me asking what your talking about and your piece is basicly about "what are you talking about". But ya all around good drop

One

[Spoken]

thanks appreciate the feed.

bump people come on

[Johnny 6-feet]

Good work man, i really enjoyed the imagery and sense of narrative flow you brought to the piece. The abstract ideas and the originality of the whole thing really caught my attention and kept me engaged until the end. The breaks in the lyrics didn't disrupt the flow of the piece at all. The vocab was strong, maybe a little too strong on a few lines. But that didn't take away from this at all.

Peal the sheet protector back from its surface
Today my guardian angel dies; now Satan can serve his purpose.

^That was crazy.^

Keep writing. Po'ethics have been impressing me lately. btw, could you please rtf? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-329401.html

[Spoken]

thanks johnny appreciate your time to stop by

[Nique.]

I agree with everyone here. I liked the approach of the story, but your choice of diction was very iffy, and I wasn't sure what point you were trying to across in some parts. Just make sure you're using the word that you chose to you correctly. The flow was decent and the emotion was probably the highest point in your piece.

P.S. You're not Mr Write, man.

-Nique

[Maven.]

Hmm. This such a weird piece to read. I don't even know where to begin.
I really liked the line about the envelope floating to lips...the storyline in general was interesting...not overly original, but very cool. The idea of writing for enjoyment slipping into writing with a demand and losing all meaning is just...terrifying for anyone who writes. And you put it out there nicely.

The last stanza was the coolest part of the whole piece because it was the mask. The whole piece was really honest up until that point, but then fake smile comes on, and the writer is like "i love you all. i love writing. may i felate you?" It's such a good transition. Furthermore, the whole honesty of the piece can be called into question because of the last stanza...you could just be lying with this entire piece, it could be dishonest and only written because of readers, not because you wanted to. Word

Cool work man, it stylistically made me think.

[Spoken]

nique as usual your always honest...yes i know im not the so callewd real MR.WRITE but thats on RB...its the internet...my real rap name is mr.write in life...maven thanks man....means alot to me that you took this with a nice take from it.