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Thread: A Kid Named Ed

  1. #1
    F.A.D.
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    A Kid Named Ed

    He's the kid you walkpast everyday at school
    You stick your nose up at him-"pshh this boy is uncool"
    Every day he endures, but each new day insures pain
    He tries his best to maintian but in the end its all vain
    Reading silently in class why cant his peers just leave him alone
    their jaunts and jibes resounding like it was said on a microphone
    So one day he just lost it-gave up-his toll to live was just too much
    wrote some letters to his family members and such and such
    left em on his desk next to his favorite books
    Stood up in class- no one even bothered to look
    He slid a gun out of his pocket a little pistol
    Stuck it to his chin-pulled the trigger and released the missle
    That was the end of his pain-he laid their in class dead
    The onlookers stared at his body full of morbid dread
    The blood pooled on the floor mixed with cold hard lead
    It was silent in that room, not a word was said
    One day later the kid was laid to rest
    Roses from his school laid across his tux and vest
    And the thing that could have saved him was all those kids respect
    See, this is what can happen if instead of love you chose to reject
    Last edited by TripC; December 11th, 2006 at 07:50 PM
    if you get a chance help cloze these plz


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  2. #2
    Newbie
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    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    That Was Some ILL Shit!!!!! Good Concept People Like Ed are Real..... I was Never A Bully Infact I Fucked up A Few!!!! I always root for underdog Good Verses man

  3. #3
    F.A.D.
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    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    thanks man, i see that shit happen and it gets to me, just puttin your self in their shoes can really change your outlook-thats what inspired me to write this-so if ne one who does shit like that to people and thinks its funny can cause serious shit to happen
    if you get a chance help cloze these plz


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  4. #4

    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    hey .. that one was pretty good :P .. keep it up :P
    writing down words on this simple page. through silence the pen is my mic and the paper is my stage. - oneLOCA

  5. #5
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    I'm feelin' this, the concept was dope...the imagery was clear as day, I like the wordplay you used, although it could've been a bit better..the structure was cool..and I Definitely like the consistency of the multi's...good drop...
    NotarizedArtistry
    32-13
    "Superb Individual"

  6. #6
    Aged Like Fine Wine
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    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    ok i like the concept butr u need to work on ur sturcture and work on getting a better vocab,...i liked these lil bars

    He slid a gun out of his pocket a little pistol
    Stuck it to his chin-pulled the trigger and released the missle
    That was the end of his pain-he laid their in class dead
    The onlookers stared at his body full of morbid dread

    it had a lil multi in it but u could use more and ur peice had some complesity to it..good peice for such a new cat...


    keep it up...rtf

  7. #7
    F.A.D.
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    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    thanks , I enjoy the tips, keep em commin
    if you get a chance help cloze these plz


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  8. #8
    F.A.D.
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    uppin this

    just lookin for some comments on this check it out plz
    if you get a chance help cloze these plz


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  9. #9
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Awards OFOTK Champion Haiku Champion Legendary PC Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF 75+ Wins

    Re: A Kid Named Ed

    "Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.

    I HAVE TO BE HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
    READ THE RULES.
    CLOSED.

    Reason: No links


    -Laureate
    A few achievements here and there

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