Tears. vs Supremacy -Topical-

[Thomas Bites]

16-24 Lines.
House Rules.
Due in 3 Hours.

Topics:
The Good Die Young
You Wake Up Dead
Poverty
It Takes Two
What Comes Up Must Come Down

[Thomas Bites]

check...good luck homie.

[Supremacy]

check...take ur time...good luck

[Supremacy]

He grew up with everyone thinking that he had it all
Him and the other kids on the block playin basketball
Shootin hoops with no worries…also with no sneakers
He’d go home to the welfare cheese and lettuce
Radio with no speakers…he thought he was a menace
He started to steal, but got beaten up, almost got killed
For a bike wheel, that he took to pawn for some money
To buy some food, he was diein, everyone found it funny
It was never sunny in his life, he wanted to hurry n die
Little did he know, that toe by toe he was getting eaten alive
His mum couldn’t afford medicine, and he was rotting
Jus decaying away, skin turning black, no need for shoes
His feet were forgotten, he wanted to rap, he started jottin
Down rhymes about his times living in grime
He listened to 2pac, started to mime, started with crime
The kids he grew up with turned their backs, no loyalty
He found some Bloods, became the King, he was royalty
And everyone on his block that never showed love
Respected him, but he didn’t know why, he still couldn’t eat
He still had no feet, he still got beat, still lost his seat
In school for bein a white fool from the gutter with no dollar
Sign to put to his name, he had fame, but no-one could holla
At his house because he was ashamed, but one night his life changed
His mum had been murdered, and then he got arrested, restrained
They knew he was innocent, but on his block, it was strange
No one believed the truth. Poverty got framed.

:s shoulda spent longer...but i like this and im proud of it.

[Thomas Bites]

War to stress, trying to soar to success
More what’s best as the limits he tests
Can see the life as you look in his eyes
Full of glee when he says his good bye
Supplies the smiles of his family & friends
Worth while as every tale he tells starts to end
But Now…
As he lays in pain and tries to avoid death
Not the same while he use’s his last breath
Voices Say…
Keep on holding tight, we need you with us
Put up a fight, as in god we proceed to trust
We care, and we are not ready to just give in
It’s not fair, hold steady, must deep dig within
I Guess it’s True…
Lust, unbreakable trust, let him slip from our fingers
It’s just, so hard to believe that we’re left to linger
All we have is memories;…we’ll never let you go
Haul time, pause, our bond was true just let it show
And I would’ve never though this would be among
But I guess what they say is true the good die young.

[Raw Reese]

Interseting...

S-Your Verse Was Just Blah Really, Not much creativity...The strucutre really threw it off and left me not wanting to even read it..But i did and it just dident inspire anyhing

Tears-I really liked yours...Very Nice structure..liked the coments in-between the verses...You mixed alot of creativity into it yet cept it in a realistical ground...I really liked the non-stop flow of rymes

Good battle, but Tears just came with better creaticvity

[Forum]

S - ya drop was pretty bland..and just seemed to be a lot of rambling on not really grasping any real concept and the structure was just horrible.. ya rhyme scheme was off and on through out the read. I'd just say take your time and really think about the topic before you began to write develop a take on it and some actuall concepts or things to write....and see how better the outcome will be..

Tears - This is the nicest piece I've seen from you so far. Multi's were banging flow was on point syllable count was on point. Emotion was displayed... just did a great job on such a short piece... nice shit

V = Tears

[Thomas Bites]

upp # 1.

[Thomas Bites]

upp # 2.

[Thomas Bites]

upp # 3

[CrosT Over]

SUPREMACY- i saw a lot of good things in your verse, just none of them tied into one another, you need to try and incorporate everything togther as a whole. Your piece seemed as the topik was trying to tell itself, you need to step up and power through the verse with emotion, don't let us know how it is, tell us how it is, use heavy amounts of emotion, combined with a little better flow and you could have had a great piece.

tears- i enjoyed this piece as i felt it captured the moajority of strong points needed in a good topikal, i liked the vokab used as it was prevelant but did not over power the message, your standpoint on the topik was a little less creative but fit and still carried out the message. overall good piece i have seen you write much better, but this was definately enough to take it

v/ tears

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316397

[Warming]

supremacy

i really liked the flow you had in some spots- but you let it drop off at some of the ends of your lines- but i'd see things like no sneaks- then radio with no speakers a line and half away- i think if you cleaned this up your flow would be great

otherwise, your story was kindof predicatable, and it wasn't structured to make it easier to read

tears-tight flow/solid rhyming
i really liked how you used the structure to break up the verse and approach your topic

v/ tears

[kid sick.]

Tears won with better imegrey and detail in his verse.. Sup your verse was ok but tears was better and painted more of a picture in my head.

v/ tears