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Thread: Beware

  1. #1
    Newbie DaKiNgBaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    ATLANTA,NC
    Age
    43
    Posts
    13
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Beware

    nov. 3rd-2007-3am-
    rounds rain down from the heavens-
    in a display of spectacular light-
    from realms unknown,
    symphonious responses scream from ur cellphone;
    the day dont look bright no mo-
    human interest stories on the tv screen show-
    that the big 3 dont know-
    or that monica kaufmann dont wanna know-
    that which used to be water runs as blood from the kitchen sink-
    was it a wise choice when u decided from which well you'd drink-
    where's the aide-
    everyother commercial on bet nowadays deals wit aids-
    1 in every 4 black men on planet earth will succumb to aids-
    1 child every 3 hrs will enter this world infected wit aids-
    and the goverment aint sure-
    if it could be called a disease so there's no allocations for a cure-
    U vote but where's ur worth-
    my frontyard is the gloomiest place on earth-
    and Bush aint made no plans-
    to set up reparations for the black man-
    beware of outstretched hands-
    When armaggeddon comes-
    WHERE YOU GONE BE STANDING?

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...74#post5274674

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...85#post5274685
    Last edited by DaKiNgBaK; November 9th, 2006 at 11:01 PM
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  2. #2
    Newbie
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    umm it was mediocre u have some potential.. ur strucutre was a bit weird ur flow was alright..
    u had some nice vocab but the concept kinda confused me..

    everyother commercial on bet nowadays deals wit aids-
    1 in every 4 black men on planet earth will succumb to aids-
    1 child every 3 hrs will enter this world infected wit aids-
    ^
    i like the concept of facts and turth here but u could have switched it up a bnit is bland and just not really "i gotta keep reading"

    keep it up n u'll elevate

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    RazorBlade Romance

    "Even if we are spared destruction by war, our lives will have to change if we want to save life from self-destruction"
    ^^^
    -(Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)-


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