Hurt

[Truth Iscariot]

"I will make you hurt"

- Johnny Cash

the chorus on this piece was took from johnny cash's Hurt

I've driven you away, i see it in your face
Just like the rest, whom you have replaced
My minds erases you, I feel the hate bloom
But i can still hear your voice, still smell your perfume

What have I become, My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away, In the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt

Your memories feel the air,I'm Lomsome in the dark
The taste of hurt still new, i hear our last remarks
I've dreamnt so much of you,Tearing at my mind
My heart still low and beaten, but i keep it confined

What have I become, My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away, In the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt

I realize now love is hurt, my faults drive me to the pain
The rain greets me in hell, i fear that i've gone insane
Without you i'm stung by death, You brought life to me
I feel the grasp of dark, i hear the angel's symphany

What have I become, My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away, In the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt

[Truth Iscariot]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313280

[Truth Iscariot]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313422

[Hurricane Chris]

this was a pretty decent piece. had sum aight imagery in it. the vocab was good. the meta.a.fours LOL in it were nice also. ur worplay was decent. i didnt like that u had a hook in it. that made it seem kind of noobish and kinda of more like an audio. but nevertheless this is a good piece. just work on ur imagery and diction and emotion in ur pieces. also work on multis

[Truth Iscariot]

thanks for the feed i was gonna put multis in but i wanted the structure to be like the actual song hurt i never actually wrote like this it was an experiment

[PaperChaSe]

the style ws pretty kool, i have used a style similr to it so i know how hard it is to make it flo. the first part of the peice almost made me quit reading it, seriously, but after i kept reading it i was glad i didnt. but next time try to not use the hook, it didnt work very well, and come with a harder opener. other than that, good shit

[Issue]

This is my first post in like a year, lol.
Welcome back Issue, you should feel privaleged.


Anyways, I am a massive Johnny Cash fan.
It kills me to see the nike ad with this music, please don't say thats where you first heard it.

Onto the piece, I think you came at it like you were recreating the song with your own words, maybe thats what you were doing, but there's no way this could ever be great in that way. not without the music & the tune & whatever, you'd need to feel the song to appreciate your words.
I also think the vocabulary & imagery & what not were very simple, there was nothing that stood out, nothing attention grabbing & nothing that really made me want to read this again.

I don't know you, I hope you dodn't think Im hating you but I just didn't like it,
I've never read another piece so I can't comment on your own efforts, but I suggest you try to stick to that.

Take it easy.

[Truth Iscariot]

nah i am a big johnny cash fan to i didn't know it was on a nike commercial but i like johnny cash's music i was listenin to the song while writing this so yeah it would feel like that anywayz i am about to get this closed

[Stereotype]

this was coo, very different from alot of shit ive read.....not everyday u see someone drop a peice on johnny cash in a rap forum, but thats coo, and creative.......feelin it though............keep writtin dawg

[Truth Iscariot]

uping