"Love sails over the hills of tears that end"

[Dat]

In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud
and your form and colour are the way I love them.
You are mine, mine, woman with sweet lips
and in your life my infinite dreams live.

The lamp of my soul dyes your feet,
the sour wine is sweeter only on your lips,
oh reaper of my evening song and lay,
how solitary dreams believe you to be mine!

You are mine, mine, I go shouting it to the afternoon's
wind, and the wind hauls on my willowed voice.
Huntress of the depth of my mind, your plunder
stills your nocturnal regard as though it were water.

You are taken in the net of my music, my love,
and my stars of music are wide as the sky is spectral.
My soul is born on the shore of your eyes of mourning.
In your eyes of mourning the land of our dreams begin.

[Dat]

Feedback please, and leave links.

[D. Josey]

This was awesome man. I liked this alot. I like your simple and just outspoken style. I'm sure this was written in context to your girlfriend, so I bet it was just natural for you. This was good though. My favorite emotional line was:

the sour wine is sweeter only on your lips,

Good job on putting a romance touch on this. It was a pretty nice addition to the piece. Very deep and a very sweet piece. Good job.

[Dat]

Upping for one last reply.

[Spoken]

wow...i liked it man sweet yet short yet very meaningful and the romance addition to this was great... the metaphors that were placed to set a scene and image were used nicely and assorted..nothing was forced and nothing was cramped!...it was all spacious and very well thought out...nice drop DAT keep it up!..

RTF on anylink in my sig if so..

[Daverick]

This piece was very romantic thanks to it's captivating imagery and word choice. And it's metaphores were a great thing to see with the well-thoughout imagery.

Great write.

Fav lines:
"Huntress of the depth of my mind, your plunder
stills your nocturnal regard as though it were water."