Khmer Rouge

[Toshida]

An old piece. I'm still elevating.

The Beginning
Artillery was in erection to fence against the impending doom
The militias ability was affected by infection from eating without spoons
They assumed their position for days to protect cowards from the goons
Their initial intention was to escape the ambition of the Khmer Rouge
But now adrenaline devours their mood like a plague in bloom

The Climax
Information was vague. No one could predict the enemies positions
Nation's shamed visions contradicts with their coalitions
Cambodians are bitchin'. Their condition was weakened by this mission
Intestines fly as panicked civilians run into bullets lickin'
Forced to listen to cries from old men while women are flippin'
Children are calm and hidden. Prayin' for God to forgive 'em
Irony in this situation surpassin' my mind and religion

The End
The hectic battle ends with human corpses in trash bags
The true men forces many lashes on abandoning fags
Looting commences while people are imagining at last
An immense bomb approaches the Cambodian mass...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309039
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298803

[Dat]

Wow, this was fresh. I enjoyed this, breezily the whole way through.

I feel you lacked action and colour, but made up for it somehow with the extremely captivating rhythm of the piece; which made unlocking my imagination easier.

I'd love to see something like this put into a longer, more complicated piece, with more thought and more illustration. To me, it was a waste of potential to make this so short, as the length here had no positive effect on it - where there could have been.

Make sure to post a link to this in the Written Voices tryout thread. We're a crew in the New Crews forum of Crews/hookups. I would post a link but i don't have it :/
It would be good for you to try out and see if the crew think you deserve a place.

Keep up work, and keep dropping.