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Thread: As the wind blew I shivered

  1. #1
    Used to love H.E.R
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    As the wind blew I shivered

    As the wind blew I shivered


    Arradiated thoughts still hold me back, like Im chained to the memory
    ...pause...
    Lifes some what of a disaster since it happened, literally condeming me
    ...wait...
    anxiously a slave to her death like a soul over powered by numerous pain's
    ...breath...
    gasping repeditivly for the devils breath exhaling life while god remain's
    ...afraid...
    Veiwing earth behind my mind's made jail, movement isolated and restricted
    ...aware...
    Im being watched daily, lowering coffin into the hole,it was predicted
    ...emotions...
    escape as liquid, crying for a taste of her body one last precious time
    ...poems...
    scatter the floor of my apartment rapidly releasing thoughts from my mind
    ...escape...
    reality, or find it? I cant decypher if Im in it or vastly slipping away
    ...if...
    I strangly appeared eye to eye with her, would I even know what to say?
    ...lonley...
    will I ever hear her maticulous voice streaming through my earlobes
    ...hold...
    onto what's gone, I guess 6 feet after death,is how deep our fear goes
    ...Cant...
    function immediatly relising her presence is forever a vivid icon of the past
    ...wonder...
    If I fell without effort to my knees, called for her beautys touch and asked
    ...would...
    she give me one more kiss,set me free like a caged dove safley delivered
    ...suddenly...
    The tree blew crisp, leaves rustled and scattered the earth..............
    ..........................was she simply saying "hi" when my spine happily shivered?

  2. #2
    Used to love H.E.R
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    Last edited by Got Soul? ©; August 23rd, 2006 at 04:46 AM

  3. #3
    Used to love H.E.R
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    up .

  4. #4
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Nice little piece here.

    I liked the style you used, the emotion, then the line that came with it. This was a well thought out piece, I almost looked foward to the emotion than the rest of the line though =/. I think you could shorten the lines a little, if you did it would greatly increase the readers intrest. I think you could be a great writer, just takes experiance. Keep writing, good luck with your future pieces.

    pz.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  5. #5
    Used to love H.E.R
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    yeh this was a battle against same no name kid, so yeh. thanks for the feed.
    up

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Masta Shake's Avatar
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    I loved this man,the flow was excallent,vocab was good,no real multis,but it was a soft rap,so it doesnt really need em.Real nice peice,I give it 9/10


    Best Lines:
    will I ever hear her maticulous voice streaming through my earlobes
    ...hold...
    onto what's gone, I guess 6 feet after death,is how deep our fear goes
    ...Cant...
    My Battle Record:
    Kid C,loss,KO


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    Eminem,Just Dont Give a Fuck

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    X to Da Z,Xzibit

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    Snoop Doggy Dog

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    Jay-Z,CEO of Hip Hop

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    2Pac,R.I.P

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    Ima money usa....stealin money from you loosa..

  7. #7
    Used to love H.E.R
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    Appreciatte the feed.

  8. #8
    bye. Heychoo's Avatar
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    Lol, I'm a no name kid? I'll edit in feed later, fag.
    glycerine.

  9. #9
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    .

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