The Couch

[Cody Nash]

The Couch
By: Nash

A friend....& my first time
with soft pillows of lust
a source of my sublime
the encounters in life HERE
were the majority of mine

t'was a place of rest, relexation, serenity ..
of warmth with blankets and cold without
and sometimes my bed upon moments of disagreeing
or the run of my existence, when in high doubt

the spot of a man ..an easy rest so proud
a place of vision, learning from a set of light
staring into a box day in and out ..
and just for my consistant leisurely delight

weeping on an arm, sarrow of a lost loved one
comforted by the light touch of a cushioned being
my eyes water, and soak into a helping hand
and the temptations of my skin do their leaning

a place of lust, a heavenly touch ..
looking into eyes with more variety than a sea
positions that dare not prove TOO much
and end up being the deepest pleasures of me

A loved one.... my first hero
with hardships that avoid wrecks
a source of my horrid thoughts
the encounters in life HERE ..
.. remained the majority of mine

[Spoken]

This was a nice piece, it had imagery that was so good that i could just see myself relaxing on my couch right now, your description was good and so was the whole thing put together. Your vocab was nice and so was the rhyme scheme.

the spot of a man ..an easy rest so proud
a place of vision, learning from a set of light
staring into a box day in and out ..
and just for my consistant leisurely delight

this part i liked, i suppose your talkin about staring into a tv screen. but yeh i liked that part u just made it seem as my couch was the most relaxxing spot in my house. Good job Cry, keep it up.

[Cody Nash]

yep, thanks.

[Black Lizzard]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306407
so hit that up please

This was a nice piece. I really felt what you were trying to portray here. The imagery even though that sounds so cliche and I hate using was very vivid and gave me a good mental picture of what was going on. I felt that you really wordrd each line nice to make it a smooth read, a couple places seemed slightly awkward but it was a very smooth and enjoyable read. You didn't over due it with vocabulary but it was far from basic. Emotion was good, I could feel what you were writing. Only thing I would suggest is you more metaphores to bring your words to life you know, you described everything real well but use metaphorical standpoints in there. All in all though I was really feeling this piece dude, keep it up and I look forward to more. Thanks and hit my piece up please.

[Cody Nash]

thanks.

[Atti]

It was so bluntly conceptual that it almost felt odd, because you actually were, writing about a couch. I mean, I've written more than my fair share of odd pieces but typically they're deeply metaphorical, which is what I expected of this, and I'm still not even really sure if I liked the fact that you are just talking about a couch. It's so casual to the point that I kind of feel like maybe it wasn't really worth the writing about. I mean, I respect the fact that you were able to take this seamingly lifeless thing and write a an entire poem on it, but... I don't know. Whatever, as for the content, it was all pretty good. The only thing I really didn't like was the more Shaksperean dilect, (T'was) I don't know why but that kind of speech has always just irritated me to no ends. But ya, I mean, contectually it was a pretty solid piece but even now I'm still kind of undecided on whether I'm going to except a couch as a valid platform for poetic emphasis *shrug*

When you get the time...
Black-Sheep Abacus [Act Ø: Scene XII]

[Cody Nash]

yeah, i felt like being weird :\ ..sorry, lol.

[imaginetheimage]

I liked the poem itself. It provided great imagery and the flow was great. Just the concept of a couch poem is something a little strange and that is maybe what I liked so much about it. Never really read about a couch described so well. All around I liked the piece and the concept. Great read.