High Dreams! Low Life!

[Ntalek]

My dreams in motion provoking these devilish deeds
It seems I’m hopeless and open to this life perceived
Indeed I lead the thieves to proceed procedures.
The need fulfilled leisure’s timed nonbelievers
.
.
Multiplied by my uphill battle like walking with seizures
Its complete déjà vu I’ve seen this before.
Now my moves repetitive like water on the sea shore .
Detoured vision from today’s materialism
.
.
These nightmares seen thorough my peripheral vision
As I act out this inconsistent form of living
.
Wrong decisions made amongst choices
Cause in my head I’m hearing
strangled words from hung voices
Unable to make out the strange noises
My smooth edge life lies pointless
.
.
Swallowing bottles
going full throttle on drugs
my life’s ointment
Destroyed the means
to surpass this confined enjoyment
Today’s demons
laugh at their lack of employment
The less fortunate together
Alone!
Their mind zones. enough to destroy them
.
.
A race of races enraging racist men
To kill for colored pages
with faces of dead presidents. ends.
All for their lust of the luxurious den
Like the finer things in life
are only finer to them
.
.
I find my self blinded by the sight of the grim
Binding the eye back to recitals of the righteously slim
Take life and amend the strife and just fight till you win
Cause these dreams are only signs that it’s all up to him.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-336240.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post5715427

[P. Mortuus]

My dreams in motion provoking these devilish deeds
It seems I’m hopeless and open to this life perceived
Indeed I lead the thieves to proceed procedures.
The need fulfilled leisure’s timed nonbelievers

Wasn't very fond of your openging verse man, you were overdoing a bit of times in it like proceed procedures...that wasn't meaningful, it fitted nicely but didn't mean an awful lot really...i get what you were trying to say but i don't think those words were the best ones to use thier man.

The main concept isn't unique and has been done many times, a nice way to write it thoguh.

The overall feel of the piece was aight, it wasn't great or something that could really engross me, it seemed as if you were either not tring at all or trying to hard get me. Overall, though, i thought this was an okay piece from you, average at best and i know your ability is much higher but this piece shows a lack of consistency. You will sort it out htough i reckon. So yeah stay up^.



Also, as a former SS head you should go vote on the semi finals if you have the time. Vote whoever and whichever battle. Pz.

[Dope Fresh.]

Ok, this was a nice read...the only thing i didn't like was the opener and how you went about it, i feel that you could have had an stronger approach to the topical....none-the-less the structure is nice, the vocabulary is there, and the emotion is there somewhat from what i precieved from it....Not one of your best, but still a good read, good job.

[Jon]

A race of races enraging racist men
To kill for colored pages
with faces of dead presidents. ends.
All for their lust of the luxurious den
Like the finer things in life
are only finer to them

Wow I loved that.

Anyways, you had a decent piece here, more poetic than anything, but don't get me wrong I love your writing style. You have it my man, you have the potential to be a spectacular writer; you just have to exicute on that oppertunity. Try writing around 3 or 4 pieces a week, and trying your best on all of them. You have multies, you just need to learn how to simplify some of your vocabulary. I mean, if a 15 year old went in there, he would know about 50% of what you said. If a 25 year old went in there, he would know about 99% of what you said. You just have to lower your level for the lower guys. But anyhow. Good job, good piece.

If you could, hit up my piece "When the Wind Stops"

[Ntalek]

ups over all....appreciate the feed..to those that did..

[Ntalek]

uppage...

[truthbetold]

this was a nice drop..i liked the emotion and imagery in
this piece..but i think the structure was a lil shaky at times
other than that this was a nice piece..i also liked the wordplay
and the multis you put into this drop..overall i think it came out nice
stay up and keep writin..

[samoe joe]

gud stuff man