Voices. Murder. Caught. A Murder Story.

[Navy Marine]

Voices..

Crime lord of many towns,
Rhyme for the underground.
Voice among rhythm and beats,
Choice given by my believes.
Glory, over long years of Experience,
Story of my Gory looking appearance.
Like a killer driven by a mad Disease,
Slaughtering family after family..
Just running shit as they Please.
Scystophrenic, killing by voices.

Murder..

Hanging the corpse of every victim,
Slaying the witnesses just to sicken.
Sicken the police and LAPD, priceless,
They can't see, now their eyeless.
Murder is a gift to my life and family,
Killing and Murder, my one true insanity.
Calling for Mercy, I feed off the screams,
For there is no end to this wonderful dream.
Controlling my thirst for blood and tears,
Drooling over the sight of the mortal fears.

Caught..

527 victims, never once showed remorse,
Sickened the families, mastered the murderous course.
Sirens louder then any female I've fed from,
Likes Indian's causing all the Chants and Drums.
Police bust down my doors, crash through windows,
Notice the bodies and they cry over the widows.
Caught by the men I've laughed at my whole life,
Each one spat in my face, as I raped their wife.
Aching with the pain that I loved to cause,
Caught, slaughtered by my own interrogated flaws.

[Navy Marine]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...17#post4853217
^He Flew Over Reaction By SoulStice^
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post4853227
^Nothings Better Then You By Split^

Leave Feed And Enjoy.

[Navy Marine]

..

[Es.Choir]

This piece was ok at best. It needed more imagery, and a better flow. Wasn't really feeling this piece as much as I should have, because of flow, lack of vocab, and the basicness of the piece. The pieces imagery was OK, but it lacked a certain sense of personality. It was if you just wrote the piece just to have written something and then threw it on RB. It's like you didn't put any time into it, and it's reflected in all 3 verses. Try and put more time into it, to make it your best, and drop better next time.

[menolin]

pretty simples ryhme scheme, it seemed a little off at point.

concept was good, you didnt pull it off as good as it could be done, like es choir said the imagery was lacking again good concept but bad lyrics let you down, and it was a bit shorter that i was expecting could of been a bit longer i was looking forward to reading it when i saw the title.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...12#post4853812

[Witty]

This was alright, you definietly could have done alot better with the topic. Imagery was meh at best, you need to concentrate on that, there should have been a lot of multies with a topic like this imo, The storyline was alright, there are parts in here that showed me that you are an above average writer, and you definitely have a lot of potential. If I was you I would concentrate on your imagery, as that is what really makes a good OM in my opinion. This wasn't a terrible read or anything, it was far better than alot of the other shit that gets posted in here, but I just wasn't feeling this, it got a bit boring towards the end.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post4853879

hit that up please

[Vylint]

This was lets put it like this. The topic idea, and approach tho how you were gonna write this peice was genius, i liked that. But it was so short it never devoloped into anything, if all them verses were a continuous story-telling verse it woulda been dope. Decent flow, nice word usage. I think you didnt spend much time on this peice, witch is ok, but im just telling you. Some brilliant parts, some lackluster unpolished parts. Enjoyable none the less.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305500

Return the Favor.

[Navy Marine]

Thankyou all.

[XM]

i see your alotta better then you use to be, now i can say that being i kno who you are but emotion and imagry is far better then most of your drops, structure and storyline was pretty decent, rhyme scheme basic but still good vocabulary not too complex lines were kinda short but didn't really effect the OM really so decent drop im sure you will do far better in the future homie we need some HoF Pieces under our belts

[Tragedian.]

very nice peice man i really liked this...i saw barley anything wrong with this...flow was on point for all three verses and it didnt fall off..the mutlies were just amazing for all three some....lines couldve used some more but what ever na mean...the strutre was really fuckin good i havent seen anything with sucha good layout inawhile....very ogirnal i must say i dont see this done at all you were very creative...the topic was sooo good after the first verse i wanted to keep reading which is really good cause ima very lazy person lol...real nice drop man...could u hit some links in my sig..keep up

[<Supreme>]

th flow was consistent in this piece
th rhymin n multies were very gd
ur structure was gd and workd with ur flow
i enjoyed readin this piece
keep up

[ferocity.]

flow: was pretty good, nice at best, it had a very consistant flow aswell which was good.
multies: again quite good, but theres always room for improvement
structure: basic, but effective
emotion: was kinda there, but this wasnt very emotional
wordplay/concepts: excellent.

nice piece overall// if you could, please return the favor