"The Rotten Apple Orchard"

[Atti]

I'll trace the city
In fractured pianos: Ode
to concrete seashells.

Watching the cents drift
In the commoners rip tide,
This is my final
Letter to the shattered hour
... my index finger
Is starting to bleed along
The deaf man's footsteps
through that shattered court house.

This is closure: I.
Split these lips on sidewalk stones
Searching for my home.

Chewing glass with my
Favorite alcoholics,
I'll sip the shards
Until the blunt edge is yours,
and this asphalt shore
Can avoid the seagull's cry
... love is suicide.

Helping hands spitting
Blood from makeshift stigmata,
Listen to my palms.
Neo-nature needs to swim,
Spill the earth again;
These city walls speak in tongue,
So hold your breath.

Goodnight my fallen
Orchard of rotting apples,
We're almost home.

[Infinite Intelligence]

this is very similar to some of your past works. still you brung some originality.

Chewing glass with my
Favorite alcoholics,
I'll sip the shards
Until the blunt edge is yours,
and this asphalt shore
Can avoid the seagull's cry
... love is suicide.

correct me if i'm wrong but i think this is the climax, and almost a jist of the peice. the imagery and creativity here is what made it my favorite part. you come with a 'crack pipe ballad' approach to me and your peices are very dark.. this is not much different but thats what i like about it. you stayed true to your context and sense of nocturnal sanity if you will. it seemed that you easily got your image across but not to a simplistic point, i liked this peice, not your best work but nonetheless, anything coming from you is satisfying.

[Atti]

Ya I just wanted to play with the Haiku format a bit so I made this 5/7/5. Thanks for the feedback man.

[soulstice.]

Man you could post on the name DoctoDopeRhymez69 and i would know it was your style. The morbid imagery and metaphors are just awesome.. its just something i never get used to. the abstract style is also a definite good thing.. the haiku format was good.. i couldnt tell you were attempting that until you actually said so.. some lines verses werent 5/7/5

I'll sip the shards
4 syllables

good piece, though..

hit up the eulogy is late

[Atti]

nevermind*

["lil Neefy"]

Man you could post on the name DoctoDopeRhymez69 and i would know it was your style. The morbid imagery and metaphors are just awesome.. its just something i never get used to. the abstract style is also a definite good thing.. the haiku format was good.. i couldnt tell you were attempting that until you actually said so.. some lines verses werent 5/7/5

I'll sip the shards
4 syllables

good piece, though..

hit up the eulogy is late

^ While this is true, he could have assumed that you would read:

I "will" sip the shards

Making it 5..... You never know what's running through atti's mind.


..
..

Well atti, there isn't much I can say. This is similar to your recent works only now you've given this one a scheme other than freeverse. I did really enjoy some of the metaphors in this piece over metaphors in your other pieces..

As I said over aim, this piece was among some of your more "hard to interpret" pieces. It was a good read but I would never have been able to relate this to New York if you hadn't helped me. You know I could go on and on explaining everything about nothing but I won't.

Good stuff atti.

[Atti]

Thanks man, and good to see you back again.

[D. Josey]

I'll sip the shards
4 syllables

If you want to get technical,

I will sip the shards.

5 syllables.