The Death of Love...Serpentine Rhyme

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Thread: The Death of Love...Serpentine Rhyme

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    The Death of Love...Serpentine Rhyme

    The Death of Love

    Love doesn’t exist inside a stony heart…
    As it tics only when lonely in the dark
    Corners: here I can’t breathe, or seize a reprieve,
    Maybe I’ll bleed; it seems decay spreads like weeds
    With deep roots I speak against the ruse of Doc Death
    Noose necked I’m not amused, now profuse in sweat
    Yet, it’s no use me losing my composure
    When I can just shut my eyes & die, Game Over!

    But, that’s when things really begin to heat up…
    Coz playing dead doesn’t mean putting your feet up
    Up and away flying fluently sky–bound
    Sounds of Blackness echoing on the rebound
    Resounding tuneful tones, escaping the Jones
    Syndrome of hurtful bones breaking in grave zones
    Awaiting gravestones draped with etchings of farewells,
    Avoiding Hell; climbing stairwells to somewhere else…

    As the fear of self-success succeeds to come near
    I count the times I’ve been bless, then fight for some air,
    My chest is tight, now hot spikes seem to pierce my ribs
    In need of water… might not make it to the fridge...
    On the edge pledging to stay up come push to shove,
    Knowing steadfastly… all I needed was the Love.
    Last edited by The Vortex; August 15th, 2006 at 02:21 PM
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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Last edited by The Vortex; August 9th, 2006 at 04:39 PM
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  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    this was quite good...what you meant by serpentine rythm i got no idea...but yeah i liked the flow of verse 2 a lot it rhymed smooth and was good in the essence. I found the starting 2 lines awkard but then it don't matter much cause the rest of it was very good. Was there an indirect message to this, i have no idea as i took it on it's face. In totality i enjoyed this, it was a good fluent and enjoyable read, stay up.
    .
    .
    Also, check up this link with some comments na mean, it'll be appreciated:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304785

  4. #4
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    yeah pak. look up serpent in dictionary. and then look into its meaning. a verse that starts and ends on the SAME word....... Love
    i werote this mad quick. just a short while back. . minutes


    pz1
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  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vortex
    yeah pak. look up serpent in dictionary. and then look into its meaning. a verse that starts and ends on the SAME word....... Love
    i werote this mad quick. just a short while back. . minutes


    pz1

    Serpent is a serpent snake etc, but the rythmci meaingn wasn't notcied by me and neither was the love being used to start and conclude, extra points for that lol

  6. #6
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    Can I Get A Fucking Raise On This After All The Feed I Been

    Giving?????????????????????????????????????????

    1
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  7. #7
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    Love doesn’t exist inside a stony heart…
    As it tics only when lonely in the dark
    loved that right there
    pretty damn nice....flowed very well....alot of multies that fit right in with flow...vocab was very nice it made it more enjoyable to read...the topic is very very good....i loved the creativty of this drop....really good man keep up...thanks for the feed..on my drop.
    Empire

  8. #8
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    ^ safe blud
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  9. #9
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    That was guud shit man, liked the last verse the best!!

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  10. #10
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    yup!
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  11. #11

    Re: The Death of Love...Serpentine Rhyme

    This seems to be some poem with the title The Death of Love...Serpentine Rhyme. I cannot get the nature of it but it seems dark. You can also explain it to mymathgenius reviews as it was the final source for us. Just have a look at it and let us know.

  12. #12
    Composed and ready... A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: The Death of Love...Serpentine Rhyme

    Love this - it's one of those poems that leave you wondering if its love for a person or another thing cause it almost all applies.
    "Lets go deep inside the solitary mind of a madman who screams in the dark"
    ~ Hail Mary (Tupac)

    Death was easy, it was the defrib and coming back to life that hurt most - CLA

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